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The Tit Shingler

Script By: jory11
Mystery and crime


Tags: Dark, Comdey


Local murderer removes tits from victims and uses them to shingle his roof.


Submitted:Jul 27, 2009    Reads: 92    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

A man, we can't really see him in great detail, puts on some

kind of uniform. INTENSE sequence of shots of the man putting

on his gear. A belt, suspenders, and over coat...

MAN

Another day of saving lives,

another good night's sleep knowing

that I made the world a better

place. It's the best feeling in the

world Janette.

We cut to a woman's face, her sharp eyebrows and dull stare

emphasize her cynical demeanor. This is Janette, wife of our

mystery man. She sparks up a smoke.

JANETTE

You're a mall security guard for

fuck sake.

Finally we see him all dressed up to go to the mall. His name

is Dick Gear, a wannabe detective, often sad, middle aged

man.

DICK

One day you'll understand the

significance of my job you cold

bitch.

Dick exits the room and slams the front door. A few seconds

follow before it opens back up.

DICK (CONT'D)

If I die on duty I just want you to

know that I love you.

Janette takes a drag off her cigarette and flips him off.

DICK (CONT'D)

(smiles)

Okay, have a nice day hunny.

He shuts the door.

CUT TO:

INT. MALL - LATER

The two story mall is busy with an afternoon rush. Dick sits

in a golf cart shifting his eyes around the ever changing

crowd of people for any peculiar behavior.

He looks to a small group of teenagers pointing and laughing

obnoxiously at him. He mocks them awkwardly and skids away in

his golf cart.

INT. MALL - FOOD COURT - CONTINUOUS

Dick continues his pursuit for suspicious persons, but to no

prevail. He hangs his head and then drives out of the scene.

After the tail end of the cart leaves the screen we see a man

in a bloody hockey mask standing in line at a pretzel shop in

the background. There's an eerie CHIME...

A nerdy lanky cashier at the pretzel shop clears his throat

to speak.

PRETZEL BOY

Excuse me sir. Can I get you

something?

The man in the bloody hockey mask gives the pretzel boy a

huge titty twister, double handed, on both nipples.

The menace runs out of the scene in slow motion, a black

flowing cape flaps behind him. The ear piercing SCREAM from

the cashier echoes into the next shot...

CUT TO:

INT. MALL - CLOSING TIME

The mall is dead. All the stores are locked up with huge

shiny security gates. The small hum from the golf cart motor

echoes through the huge empty mall.

Dick finally pulls up to a kiosk where a man is preparing to

go home. He is the head of mall security.

DICK

Sir everything's secure in all

sections sir. I'm gonna make a few

more rounds around the parking lot

just to be super secure, sir.

HEAD OF SECURITY

Why don't you call it a night? You

already checked the parking lot

three times before close.

Dick clenches his fists.

DICK

Okay, just one more round.

HEAD OF SECURITY

Fine, do whatever you want Dick,

but remember,

(pause)

DICK

What.

HEAD OF SECURITY

You have a beautiful wife at home

who loves you.

There's an almost touching pause as the head of security

walks out of the shot.

DICK

-But my wife is a raging whore.

We pull back to see the head of security still waltzing out

of the shot.

DICK (CONT'D)

-Goin' outside now.

EXT. MALL - CONTINUOUS

The golf cart makes it's way around the dark empty parking

lot. Dick moves his flashlight over the concrete and notices

something- It's BLOOD. Little droplets of it make a trail

that soon widens to a thick bloody mess of a trail.

It leads to the tail end of an old car where the same man in

the bloody Hockey mask struggles to get a bulky trash bag

into the trunk.

DICK

Careful there. You'll throw out

your back. Let me help you.

He gets of the golf cart and helps the man load the bag into

the trunk.

MASKED VILLAN

Uh, thanks.

DICK

Hey no problem. What you got in

there anyway?

MASKED VILLAN

Ummmm... Buffalo wings. We're

stocking up.

Dick looks at his bloody fingers and to the thick trail on

the floor.

DICK

So that's what that stuff is, silly

me. And I thought it was blood for

a second there.

The bloody masked man chuckles awkwardly. Dick puts his

bloody fingers to his lips and licks them clean. It's a

sickening sight.

DICK (CONT'D)

Mmmmm. Just like my wives' recipe.

(beat)

Well you have a good night sir.

Drive safely and if you ever have

to lift anything heavy again make

sure you have someone to help you.

MASKED VILLAN

Yea... Sure...

The creepy man gets in the rusty old car and pulls out of the

parking lot with clouds of black smoke billowing from his

busted tail pipe.

Dick lets out a violent yet smiley cough.

CUT TO:

INT. DARK MYSTERIOUS ROOM - LATER

A flickering light bulb goes on and off showing a small damp

room with a shirtless woman strapped to a chair. Her tits sag

down to her stomach.

The masked man walks out of the shadows with a saw in his

hand.

MASKED VILLAN

Yes. Those tits will do just fine.

WOMAN

What? What do you want with my

tits?

MASKED VILLAN

Don't you understand lady? I need

them for my roof.

(pause)

No,

(beat)

you don't understand.

He lifts the saw into the air. CLOSE IN on rusty saw. CLOSE

IN on hanging tits.

MASKED VILLAN (CONT'D)

Now sit still, this will only take

a tit... Or two...

He hacks into her tit spraying blood all over the place. The

woman jumps to her feet with the chair still strapped to her

back.

MASKED VILLAN (CONT'D)

No. Stop. What are you doing to my

precious tits?

She swings the chair and knocks him out cold. Blood still





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