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This is part one of a comic script i have written! About a man who wants something that has been taken away from him


Submitted:Jan 14, 2010    Reads: 86    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


Page 1

Panel 1

Full splashpage of the city at night. A kind of orderly chaos. Big. Maybe some smoke somewhere. Small dots that are going to be people. Maybe seeing some police/ambulance light at the night sky. Some birds, resembling carrion birds going over the city. Add details if you want.

Caption: One dirty City

Caption: A Thousand dirty stories.

Caption: a City

Caption: Which no one leaves unscarred.

Page 2

Panel 1

There is a large ugly rat, almost as if it has mutated. Big long whiskers. Large and black/grey. It is eating on a Human eye with green eyes. . In a puddle of water you can almost make out two characters. One which is on his knees. A lot of used cigarettes are on the ground. On is still glowing read and the smoke is flowing upwards in a spiral.

Page 2

Panel 2

Someone has stepped on the rat, and its intestines are flowing under the shoe. Bright red, some lumps. He just missed the eye, which is half eaten and is somehow looking up to where the foot came from. The shoe is converse. Some kind of urban cool, yet dark kind of converse. It has gotten blood all over it. The shoe laces are tied neat. White socks. We can hear Leone, The owner of the foot, talking from outside the picture.

Leone: Are you ready to talk now! Or do you think you still have too many eyes on the matter?

Page 2

Panel 3

We are in an alley. It is night and badly lit. there is posters on the wall, commercial for some play, graffiti, It says OSLO CITY somewhere on the walls. One man is standing with a blood dripping spoon in his hand. Leone. He has a stylized modern cowboy hat which is kind of tilted downwards and therefore shielding the top half of his face, and a long overcoat which is opened and is fluttering behind him. He has two long, extremely cool revolvers in holsters on his side. His foot is still stomped on the rat. His mouth is tightened in annoyance. And has a three day beard. You can see a white I love Oslo under his coat with blood on, and he has a watch on his left hand. He is approximately 31 years old. He has plain black jeans, with loose fit. He has medium long black hair. An ear ring. Maybe some kind of tattoo? Just add details on him if you feel something missing. In front of him there is a kneeling man with one hand on the ground and the other one over his left eye. Unknown man. There is blood all over his face, coming from underneath the hand that is on his eye. The pain on his face is very clear, He is totally naked, and is a little unfit. There are many scars on his body and some new cuts. He is very hairy and not really attractive. There's a pile of clothes next to him. He looking up towards Leone and his mouth is screaming something. He also has tears in his other eye.

Unknown man: Nooooooo, I will talk, leave my eye alone!

Page 2

Panel 4

A close up of Leone face from the front. We are looking up at him, we can almost see his eyes, but not quite, because of his hat. His mouth is a little open, as if he is talking. He looks mean.

Leone: Give me a name

Page 2

Panel 5

Now we are looking down on The unknown man straight on. He looks pathetic. Naked, trying to put the half eaten eye into a empty eye socket. His nipples are stiff and one of them is torn, as if someone has yanked out a nipple piercing, and he has goose bumps. He is looking up. Saying something. Some of his fingernails are missing.

Unknown man: Alan Rickfield

Leone (out of picture): Where is he?

Unknown man: At the Golden Gazelle

Page 2

Panel 6

The unknown man tries to stand up. He is naked. He has a half eaten eye in his left eye socket. He is shaky. Badly hurt and looks like a pile of dog crap. Leone Has pulled his Revolver. (sfx: Revoler rattle and Wooosh) and has fired a bullet. There is a flash of light from the gun and The unknown man is shot right through the head. You can clearly see the bullet on the other side of his head, along with a lot of blood. Make it look kind of cool. Leones coat is waving with the movement of drawing his revolver. Blood splatter on the walls in the alley.

No dialog.

Page 3

Panel 1

You can see the Golden gazelle up the street. People outside waiting to come in. Cars driving by. It has a neon sign. Violet color. People on the sidewalks, going home, trying to not be aware of the drug sellers outside the Golden gazelle. Black, Chinese and white, all trying to get eye contact with someone to sell to. Leone is just standing there thinking. Looking at the place. Has his overcoat buttoned up, his cowboy hat hiding his face. A women is going past him, and has twisted her body so she don't bump into him. She has a short skirt on, a very reveling sweater and is smoking. She looks scared and is trying to hurry away.

Leone (thinking): Inside that building he is hiding.

Leone (thinking): Inside that building, he has what is mine.

Page 3

Panel 2

Leone has grabbed the arm of the women that went passed him. He has turned around and are saying something to her, People around are avoiding them. She looks really scared. She is oversminked. Big breasts. Alice. she is fighting against his grip.

Leone(whispering in a menacing tone): You are going to help me!

Alice: Noooooo, let me go, let me go!

Page 3

Panel 3

While he is still holding her arm, he has slapped her with his other hand(sfx:Smack). Her chin is very red and tears are coming from her eyes. Her head is bent the way she was slapped and only inches from the hand that slapped her. He has an angry look in his eyes.

No dialog

Page 3

Panel 4

Alice is a little crouched down, tears running down her cheeks. A little dirty on her knees because they hit the ground. Her clothes are a little bit messed up. Mouth open in a way when someone is talking. Leone is looking down on her. One hand clenched. Mouth set in a sneer. His coat waving around. Background is just people unnoticing and looking the other way.

Leone: Just walk up to the guards and get them to go with you to into the alley.

Alice: O-O-O-ok, I'll do it, just don't hurt me.

Page 3

Panel 4

You see from a little bit of distance. The girl walking with the guards to the alley next door, where Lenoe is standing. His back against the brick wall. His hat downwards. His gun in his hands. (sfx: Whisteling) The Guards are in all black, and are looking very exited. The girl has a mixture of scared and neutralness. Her hair is floating around and she looks a little bit unsteady on her high heels.

Alice: Let's go in this alley here!

Page 3

Panel 5

Alice is in one corner crying and pulling her hair. Not really important. Leone has the mouth of his gun showed far inside the eye of one the men. While the other hand is pulling the hair of this man against himself and twisted a little. He shoots his gun so there's a lot of blood and the bullet goes right into the other man.(sfx: splatt, wosh) Right between his eyes, who hits the back of his head on the brick wall and cracks his skull. There's a lot of movement and it should be visible on the clothes. Leone looks cool and awesome. This has to be right.

Page 3

Panel 6

Leone stands there, with a handkerchief and are drying the blood of his gun. The two dead guys are just laying there in a heap with blood and dirt on them. A trashcan has been tipped over, with some needles and spoons in it. Diapers with blood on them. He has lighted a little sigar and is smoking it, the smoking going upwards. He kind of leans on one side. Alice is staring at him, she is in a upwards motion, ready to leave. Running makeup. Now her outfit is totally disgruntled. And hair is a mess.

Leone: Go Away!

Alice: YES THANK YOU!

Page 4

Panel 1

Leone is walking towards the door into the club while he is putting his gun inside his coat, making his coat waving behind him. There's light coming outside the windows of the club. Disco lights. Alice is running away from him, she has taken of her heels and is running barefooted. There's a little less light on the streets, and they are almost empty. There is a dog, walking past him with a bone. The dog is dirty and looks very tired.

Page 4

Panel 2

Leone is standing outside the door. Is brushing dust of his coat. He is standing very straight and his hat his tipped a little backwards. His coat is hanging straight down. We are seeing him from straight behind. The door is brown and ugly.

Page 4

Panel 3

He has opened the door. Light is coming from the inside. He has one foot in, and his face is set in an determined state. A little dust is following after his shoe.

Page 4

Panel 4

The door is closed. He has gone inside so we are only seeing the closed door( Sfx:slam) The dust has been stirred and one person has turned around to look at the directions of the door. The dog has been stamped to death under him. Lots of blood on intestines.

Page 5

Panel 5

Leone is standing in classic Cowboy stance. His hand right over his revolver. On side of his overlip has been drawn upwards. There is 10 people in various places and stances. Some sitting, some standing, some just laying on the floor. A chair here, A sofa there and everybody has his own weapon. A katana, A gun, An axe, hammer, nailgun, chains, stick, mace. Just something cool. And they are looking at him as he has intruded something important they are dressed as cool Gangster people that don't want to wear traditional gangster clothes. It has the air of a showdown. A Mexican showdown. Leones cigar is laying on the floor, still lit and smoking. He has taken of his coat and are reveling an axe and a hammer strapped on his upper body. He looks ready to fight. Amongst the other people there are some who has a food pick and some have jewelry or just topless. There is one guy, who is in the middle that seems to be the boss. All white and long curly hair. Big nose, Green eyes and a matter of factly attitude. The it has a classic club look and a disco bowl that spins. Giving it a little bit of disco vibe amongst the trouble.

Leone: Ok, Where is ALAN RICKMAN!

END OF PART ONE!





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Other writing by Simba00 Oslo City Alfred


Tags

Mystery, Murder, Script, Killer

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