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Something is happening... Something that no one can fathom... Everyone in the world is going crazy and killing themselves! Oh no! Hebert's superimposable theories culminate in this work of art


Submitted:Mar 8, 2012    Reads: 32    Comments: 0    Likes: 1   


Where the Redwood Grows

A Novella by

Hebert Cobblestone

Prologos

Dhikhale was of the Cookachoo clan, and hailed from the lands of Mr. Kite. He was a strong warrior, and enjoyed long walks on the beach with his B.o.y.d, Prudence. He also enjoyed writing love letters to Prudence in a very poetic form. In his spare time, Dhikale did hard drugs and went on imaginary adventures. His best friend was a walrus (redwood tree stump) named Sergeant Pepper. Pepper was a part of a very talented band, but they never found success due to Pepper's crippling polio (he was a tree stump and could not move.) One day Dhikhale took some sweet tabs and went to go visit Pepper and tell him about a brilliant new plan. To build a rock stadium around Pepper, so everyone could experience his musical genius. However, when Dhikhale got to Peppers house, there was no one to be found, only a large hole in the ground where Pepper used to sit and smoke cigars. Stricken with grief, Dhikale climbed the closest redwood tree, and threw himself off it, into the hole. He died instantly. But the end of Dhikhale, was the beginning of our story, as everything changed that day…

1

Prudence didn't understand, she couldn't understand. Steve was dead, suicide the cops were calling it. But she knew it was the drugs. He had started taking LSD months ago, and changed his name to Dhikhale a week after that. But she never thought it would end like this, she thought removing the tree stump he called Pepper would be a reality check for him, how wrong she was. It was her fault Steve was dead. She knew it, and the tree stump sitting on her kitchen floor knew it, a tree stump that very closely resembled a walrus. In fact, she could swear there were tuffs of hair protruding from the bark, along with tusks, a nose, and were those…eyes? "What are you looking at?" a gruff cockney british accent asked. Prudence shrieked, there before her sat a 300 pound walrus smoking a cigar in a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora. "Name's Pepper."

2

Prudence's body was found the next day. The report stated she had killed herself by stabbing herself in the gut seven times. It didn't make sense to officer Jude Mustardpants. What kind of women with no history of mental health problems would kill herself in one of the most painful ways imaginable? And why was there a 300 pound tree stump sitting in her kitchen? Yes, her boyfriend had been found dead earlier that day, but there were too many loose ends for this to be a simple suicide. The case had murder written all over it. "Oh my God," said Mustardpants out loud, "what if Steve Jibbypants was murdered by the same person!?" He jumped up as fast as he could out of his desk. "You got me ol' chap," said a deep voice behind him. Mustardpants turned around, and there sitting in the middle of a police station was a 300 pound walrus in a fedora. "But I can't let you tell anyone this," he continued while chomping on a Cuban cigar.

3

Three weeks later the population of the world had reduced to 5 people. More than 6 billion people had "committed suicide". But Gubasu the gremlin knew the truth. This was his fault. And he liked it. A lot. Before the suicides Gubasu had taken pleasure in the simple things, hunting, fishing, tying helpless traveler's to trees, the usual for a gremlin of his age. But after a strange boy and his cow escaped his trap, he found himself wanting more. A desire to change the world forever was spawned inside of him. So he created Pepper, the homicidal tree stump walrus. However it got out of control, Pepper got the taste of blood and he liked it. He started recruiting other tree stump animals and together they murdered the entire world's population in secret. Gubasu had never intended a catastrophe of this level, but being a gremlin with no morals, he didn't really mind. What he did mind was that the boy who escaped him three weeks ago was one of the five survivors. And in thirty seconds, the boy and his cow would be gone forever, because they were going into to space to escape Pepper and his lonely hearts club band. So Gubasu lit himself on fire, surrounded by Pepper and his band, and watched the rocket launch into the sky.

The End





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