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re-edited version of what drove me


Submitted:Jan 10, 2007    Reads: 125    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   


* what drove me:re-edited*

Written by: Krissy

I was staring up at the ceiling again, having just

regained my consciousness. The ceiling seemed brighter than it

had before, but as I looked towards the window I saw that the

sun had come out to play again. I happened to glance at the

medication bottle that was lying opened on my night table. I

had gotten my prescription strengthen, saying that it was

getting harder to sleep with every passing night, and it was. I

could hardly close my eyes, the only sleep that I got these

days was when I drifted out of consciousness and even at that

it only lasted a couple of hours.

I brought my wrist in front of my face, reading the time

on my watch. It was 7:30 am, time to get up. I threw the

blankets to the other side of the bed and hoisted myself off

the mattress. I made my way over to the full length mirror and

gazed into it, not seeing the person the that I was, but the

person that I remembered myself being. It made the whole world

seem a lot easier, for me anyways.

I walked over to my closet and grabbed a pair of dark

jeans from the top shelf, afterwards removing a black v- neck

from the bottom shelf. I had grown to like darker colours,

realizing that they were less blinding than whites or pinks. I

quickly grabbed my boots from the floor and slid my feet into

them, zipping both the zippers and than slowly standing as to

not disorient myself further. When my vision had come into

focus I crossed the room towards my dresser.

I automatically reached for my jewellery box with the

ballerina's, it was my whole in that one box. I gently opened

the lid, and as the sweet music filled the room my entire body

seemed to relax. I fished out the silver chain that he had got

me for my birthday. It seemed like so many months ago, but it

had only been 4 months, and how everything had gone so horribly

wrong in those 4 months. I listened to the melody from the box

for a few more seconds and than shut the lid and the link to my

past.

The air hit me as I opened the main door to the building.

My jacket flapping behind me as if it were a cape. I walked

around the building towards the parking lot, my car slowly

coming into view. I jabbed my keys into the slot and than

turned it to the right. The door made a clicking sound and I

grabbed the handle allowing myself entrance into its heat.

The key was in the ignition and I was on the main road

before I knew it. I pulled a right turn and than another, my

destination permanently engraved in my mind. I pulled up

against the curb just as he was walking out of his apartment.

Damon Feller. His leather jacket bent over one around, his

brief case in his left hand and his coffee in his right. So

predictable. It was a routine that I had memorized over the

past year. He set his coffee on the roof of his car and played with his keys until he found the right one. The second he

opened it he set the brief case in the passenger's seat and

removed his coffee from the roof, afterwards disappearing

within the car's interior. I watched as the car pulled away

from the curb, when it turned the corner I took my car out of

neutral and pressed down in the gas pedal, taking the first

turn instead of the second. I had learned late on night he had

gone to sleep that there was a quicker way to his office. I

wonder what he would think of seeing me again. Guess I'll just

have to wait and see.

I pulled up to his office with his vehicle still no where

in sight. I removed myself from the car and walked up the

stairs to the grand entrance way. I was sitting on his desk

when I heard the door knob turn and click. My attention

automatically focused on the door. When the door finally opened

he was still fiddling with his keys in the lock, but when his

attention was directed forward he saw that I had made myself a

seat on the top of his desk. He shook his head and spoke in

that tone that made it sound like I was just another psycho

patient for him to analyze.

"Jessie, could you please remove yourself from the desk

there is a seat just in front of you. If you want you can even

have my chair. Just please get off of my desk". I jumped off it

reluctantly, my shirt allowing him allowing him a generous

glance. However when I didn't say anything he spoke again."What

can I do for you Jessie?"

"I think you know perfectly well what I want. The real question here is are you going to give it to me?" I said with a

cocky grin on my face. He once again shook his head at me like

I was some disobedient little child needing to be taught how to

act.

"Jessie, I am working. I am not here for your own

personal reasons contrary to your beliefs".

"They could be your reasons too". He laughed at this,

Then looked me in the eye before speaking,

"Why are you really here Jess?" His arms were folded

across his chest, almost like he had enough of me, but he

wasn't going to get rid of me that easily.

"We need to talk Damon." I was fiddling with the sticky

notes on his desk. This was not exactly going the way I had

planned. He was suppose to be overjoyed to see me. He was

suppose to say that he was wrong to leave me, but that wasn't

exactly what he did, not in anyway was the truth close to my

fantasy. He walked around the desk and grabbed my wrist in an

iron grip, forcing me to stop playing with the notes.

"Stop that".

"Come on Damon; admit it, none of them even compared to

me". I knew that I was hitting a little low but at the moment I

was desperate, if I didn't have him back soon, I was going to

go crazy.

"Jess I hate to break this to you, to bring down

everything in your perfect little world, where you are the she-

devil goddess bitch who everyone wants, but here in reality you

were nothing but a compulsive lying little slut". My face must

have showed my shock because he smiled and let go of my wrist. "Now that's this all cleared up could you leave? I have

patients that are willing to try and help themselves".

"I never was one of your patients Damon, so do both of us a

favour and stop thinking that I am. Stop thinking that I need

you in everyway, cause here's a news flash for you, I don't!"

He knew that I was lying but I didn't even care, soon

everything was going to be back to the way it belonged. The way

that I liked it.

I drove back to my building, and walked inside the main

doors and up the stairs to my flat. I made my way to the spare

bedroom and opened the door. Ten televisions and a computer

stared at me. The televisions were linked to camera's

everywhere that Damon was in his everyday life, and the

computer was my quick tip- off of information that was a must

to know.

I quickly found the television that was linked to Damon's

office and watched his frustration slowly start to increase as

he was having an argument with his secretary about her

holidays, that was when it happened. His secretary had appeared

to disconnect from their conversation and when she came back

she said that he had a call waiting on line two, from someone

named Elizabeth Monkton. At that name Damon's earlier moodiness

disappeared and he reached to press the button to connect to

the second line. "Who is she Damon?" I was curious to hell and

back as to the answer, but when I heard him say the words I

love you, I knew she was nothing but trouble. An a problem that

I didn't need at the moment. She would ruin everything.

I wheeled my chair over to the computer and did some

background research on this Elizabeth Monkton. I had found out

that she was a Fashion major at NYU, taking English classes in

her spare time. She worked for a small journalism company that

I had never heard of, and the rest was pretty much just some

fun facts. But I wasn't satisfied with that little bit of

information. I knew there was more than that to this girl and I

wanted to know. Not even wanted, I need to know.

The next few days were painstaking. I had to go through

and remember so much information. I knew everything about this

girl. I knew where she lived, when her classes were, I could

have told you where she would have been every damn second of

the fucking day. I knew that she was coming down on Friday

night and that she was meeting Damon at Waldorf hotel, and that

was where I would make my move. I had already had complete and

total connection to everything that she did any phone call, e-

mail, absolutely everything! This girl was not going to see

Saturday morning. That thought alone made it impossible to

wait, and sadly Friday was still 24 hours away. So I took a

pill. One ended up turning into 2, and than I lost count,

slowly drifting farther and farther into unconsciousness.

It appeared even in my unconscious state that I could not

block out the last thing that happened between Damon and

myself. Could not block out the reason why he was with her and

not me. I can still remember exactly what the vase looked like.

I can still remember what was going through my mind. I remember

throwing it at his head the night that he had told me he just

couldn't commit to us anymore. The night that he had told me

that we had nothing left to us other than the sex. He had

grabbed his leather jacket and kissed my forehead, saying how

sorry he was that things weren't different, than he left. I

remember staring at that white door for hours, till the next

thing I knew it was morning, that was the day I placed the

order for the sleeping pills that soon became my salvation, and

it still was to this very day.

I walked into the Waldorf hotel at 6 p.m. knowing that

she was due to arrive from her flight at 7 p.m. I walked

through the hotel, checking all the floors, looking for

anything that could give me the advantage. I checked back to

the blue prints that I had managed to gain, making sure that

everything was in place. I checked the case on my belt, making

sure that I hadn't forgotten the murder weapon. I had picked

this one with care. I figured that since Damon loved to build

things, loved using power tools that it would be a fitting end

for his darling Elizabeth.

I was just walking back into the lobby when she came

through the sliding glass doors, and walked up to the front

desk. I watched her smile at the manager and take her key.

Watched her walk over to the elevator with the bellhop and than

disappear as she walked inside of it.

It was 8: 30 p.m. when Damon walked through those same

sliding doors, his cell phone pressed to his ear. I heard him

saying something about having a hectic day, how bad traffic

was, how happy he was that he was going to be seeing her soon.

I remember when I was the one the one who would be on the other

end. When I was the one that he called every free moment he

had. And I remember that I used to be the one he couldn't wait

to see. But, like daddy had always said, "you have to fight for

what you want. You have to work through everything in your way.

Cause if you want something to the point of needing it, than

nothing can stop you not even Hitler himself". Of course it

didn't help that daddy was a boxer. So competition was never a

thought. You had to be the best. You had to be the smartest,

the prettiest, and the most demanding, any less and I would

never had been good enough to be my father's daughter. However

I don't think that when he said work through everything in your

way that he was talking about murdering an otherwise innocent

person, but than again he never said otherwise either.

I walked inside the elevator and pulled out my cell

phone, punching in the numbers to the hotel. I asked the

manager to phone up to room 972, and tell Elizabeth Monkton

that she has a visitor. The manager put me on hold and than

came back on the line and said that Miss Monkton would be down

in a moment. I slammed my phone shut and watched as I

approached Elizabeth's floor. I stepped out of the elevator as

she was coming down the hall. She still had quite a ways to go

until she hit the elevator, just enough time to put my plan

into action!

I walked over to the service doors, opening the door to

find it empty. I walked over to the vent and kicked it in with

my boot. The vent bent willingly allowing me to wrenched it

from the wall. I began to crawl inside, finding my way to the

elevator vent that came out in the shaft of the elevator. I

kicked hard with my right leg, while the rest of my body was

crouched down. This vent went gladly too, and I listened to

it bang its way down the walls of the shaft, slowly peering out

of the tunnel trying to find the elevator.

I could see the elevator about 2 floors above me. I

watched as it passed me and stopped approximately 2 floors or

so beneath me. I slid out of the passageway and than let my

hands go from the ledge, landing on top of the elevator. My

boots made a clicking sound as they hit the top. I moved myself

to my knees and grabbed the hatch handle and pulled it up. I

peered inside and saw her looking back up at me. I smiled and

jumped inside of the elevator much like a cat would have. Her

eyes were priceless, and the fear in them almost sang to me. I

had never had a feeling this intense, but than again she was

the only barrier in the way of my perfect plan. She was the

last and only defence.

I stared back at her and cocked my head. "Hi Elizabeth".

Her lower lip starting to tremble, and it made me have to

stifle a laugh.

"Who are you?".

"Your worst enemy and your very own personal grim

reaper".

"I don't know what your talking about". This girl was so

clueless, than it hit me that Damon might not have mentioned me

to her and that made me that much more annoyed with her.

"Your right, you don't. You're the clueless little bitch

whose in my way". The pills hadn't kicked in in a while, making

me that much more agitated.

"I don't even know you, how could I be in your way?"

"Your in my way when it comes to what I want". Her eyes

grew huge, as if in sudden realization. Her hand moved to her

mouth, scared at the possibility that she could be right.

"Your Jessie, aren't you?"

"Your point being?" This girl really asked a lot of

pointless questions.

"You're the one he warned me about, aren't you?" She had

said it as though I needed to hear my own problems played back

for me.

"And your point would be. Now if you don't mind I would

really like to get this over with".

"Please. No!!". I made it look I was actually considering

her plea and than put my index finger up to my lips and shook

my head and started laughing. At that very second the door

opened on the seventh floor and she ran. I popped my head out

of the elevator door and watched as she ran down the hall.

I decided to cut her off at the elevator around the

corner. I made my way down to the main floor and than moved

inside of the one going up, saying that it was an emergency.

I watched the numbers go up, and felt the elevator stop

on the same floor that she was on. I saw the doors slide apart

and watched her face grow in horror as she saw me standing

there inside the elevator. She let out a scream and than ran

off again. I knew there were no elevators in that direction, so

her only chance were the stairs. I tore after her. Racing down

the cream coloured halls of the Waldorf. I could hear my own

heart pounding in my ears, and the sound thrilled me,

intensified the adrenaline rush that was slowly making its way

through my body.

I gripped the handle of stairwell door. Yanked it open.

And threw myself inside. I allowed the door to close gently,

allowing her to think that I had given up. I watched as she

lend against the corner wall about three flights down. I guess

being Miss America doesn't mean that you can run. I laughed to

myself as I saw her slide to the floor, tears falling down her

cheeks. Weak, Harmless, Prey!

I shifted myself closer to the edge and sat myself on the

rail, making sure that she could hear and see me. I watched her

gaze drift up to the top and heard her bittersweet scream as

she saw me sitting there. She tried to push herself up,

thinking that I was never going to catch her. She scrambled to

get up, finally standing and just about to run, and than I

jumped. I landed right in front of her, cocking my head in the

most demonic way, the pills finally starting to kick in.

Right at that moment her pain hit me. I felt my stomach

lurch in protest. I had to lean against the wall for a moment

or two, dizziness overcoming me. She decided to run while she had the chance, that however was her own stupid mistake. The

second that I regained my clarity I took off after her. When I

finally caught a hold of her arm and spun her around to face

her face was even more priceless than it had been before my

momentary overload.

She watched as my hand reached for her neck. I had her

pinned to the wall, her neck within the iron grasp of my hand.

Once I realized that she was slightly wobbly, and not exactly

in full control of herself I whispered something in her

ear,"Well I guess this is the end of the line for you isn't

it?" I removed my hand from her neck to reach for something

else.

"Please don't kill me. You can have whatever you want,

just please". She managed to muttered it in a whispery tone

and once again I considered the opinion, and once again

she fell for it. I looked into her eyes and reached into my

belt, taking out her fate. Her eyes widened in disbelief.

It was a power drill. I had taken it from Damon house

that day he had said I was a compulsive lying slut. It was a

sweet revenge it you asked me.

I raised the drill till it was about 10 centimetres from

her face, and than pressed the button. Her eyes grew in utter

horror as she saw the drill end now spinning its way to life. I

moved the drill till it was 2 centimetres from her head and

than whispered something in her ear,"I win!".

I felt the drill jump a bit from my head as it pierced

through her temple. Her scream was the most gruesome thing that

I had ever heard in my entire life. The sound of grating as the

drill drove through bone and than the blood began to sputter

all over the place as I moved my finger from the button, and

let the drill sit there, in the side of her head.

She was still crying and screaming even though I was

doing nothing to provoke it to the moment. However when I

slowly removed it just a bit from her head I saw little pink

bits of something I believed to be her brain, or at parts of

it. I laughed and than pressed down on the button again, her

screamed once again increasing the volume. That's when it

happened.

I heard the door opened and saw him running down the

stairs, and I panicked. I released my hold on the drill and

reached for my belt, gripping the 9mm calibre pistol from

within it. My finger pulled hard on the trigger before I even

realized who I was aiming at. The impact of the shot knocked

them to the floor, allowing him to bang his head against the

wall, killing him immediately if the shot hadn't already. I

turned back towards Elizabeth, and saw her limp body on the

ground, the drill still inside her head. Well at least she is

taken care of. Now let's see who our intruder was.

I walked over to the stairs and took them two at a time.

I was on the second stairwell when I caught sight of the hand

that hung through the rail, and even then the pills weren't

enough to hid the fear that was creeping up in the back of my

mind. I ran up the rest of the stairs, tears starting to form in my eyes.

When I reached the top floor and saw the body, I felt my

own go numb. Damon. I had shot Damon. I threw myself at his

side and bent down to lean my head on his chest. Their was no

breath coming from him. He was so cold. I laid a gentle kiss on

his brow and removed the necklace he had given me and than ran.

Leaving behind my own cruel irony.

I drove for hours. Still having no destination. Than the

next thing I knew I was parking in front of Damon's house. I

sat in the driver's seat for about an hour, staring at the

house from the passenger's window. I finally mustered up the

courage to go inside. Reluctantly opening the car door, and

stepping out into the rain.

I walked up to the door and reached up on my tip toes to

grab the spare key on top of the door frame. It was still

there, just as I had known it would be. It gave me that feeling

of comfort to know that something would never change.

The house still had that same smell to it. That fresh

wood like smell to it. I walked through the house, my fingers

skimming the things that brought back memories.

I walked up the stairs and than down the hall, pausing

before his bedroom door. My hand found the handle, but at first

I could not bring myself to turn it. The memories were

almost too much to handle knowing that I was never going to see

him again.

I finally mustered up the strength to turn the knob. The

door opened easily, walking inside I felt a fresh new set of

tears rush to my eyes.

I walked over to the bed and crawled on top of it,

burying my face into the pillow. The smell of him was so

strong. A picture of him came into my mind. The last time that

I had been in this bed was when he had cooked me breakfast,

that was the morning he proposed. The memory rang crystal clear

in my mind. That had been the happiest day of my life. And

today was the saddest.

I cried into that pillow for the next 2 hours before I

heard the sirens coming closer. I didn't care anymore. There

was no reason not to go to jail, other than the fact that it

meant giving up, but I had no desire to fight anymore. I was

done. I was throwing in my towel.

I got up and watched as the police cars drove up the

drive way, glancing at my car on the way in. I saw the officers

removing themselves from their cars. They scanned the grounds

and than made their way to the door. The door that I had left

unlocked.

I was torn before two choices. I could stay here and face

what I knew would be a life sentence, or I could run. They

wouldn't catch me. I would be gone before they even knew that I

had left. They would never be able to find me, and yet I was

sick of running, but the desire to survive made it hard not to

run.

I stepped out onto the roof, glancing back at the room. I

would always love him, no matter what, but I was not exactly

ready to spend the rest of my life in a jail cell regretting

not running when I had the chance. So I jumped. I ran to the

backyard and over the fence, heading to destination unknown.

But, somewhere that would hopefully make this easier.

Jealously is a powerful enemy and a powerful ally.

However I let it consume me. My obsession had become my only

thought, and it in the end I killed that obsession. It drove

me crazy. He drove me crazy. And yet in the end the only person

that I can blame is me.

The End





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