My throat was hoarse from the endless sobbing I’d done over the past two days. My beautiful baby boy was dead. Too premature, they’d explained. All the time that I’d carried him in my belly was for nothing. Those strenuous hours of labour were for nothing. My salty, plentiful tears were for nothing. It was all for nothing. I thought of Richard, my loving, dutiful husband, and apologised to him for breaking the promise he made me swear to him. It had been a warm June night, and the stars glowed brightly above. “Promise me that you’ll never give up, Roselyn. Whatever happens, promise me you’ll never give up,” he had whispered in my ear, His hands were caressing my swollen stomach. “I promise.” He’d left to Iraq the following day, and two weeks later I’d received the news that he was dead. Two months later, and I couldn’t hold onto his promise any longer. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Roselyn?” I looked up to see Davin, my older brother waiting by the doorway. “The doctors said you can go now.”
I nodded, silent. I picked up my belongings and followed him out of the hospital. He was driving me to his house where he’d offered I stay for a while, until I got back on track. As I looked out the window, the grey buildings flashed past me in a blur, and the sky was a heavy grey to match. We didn’t talk until we arrived.
I looked at the tall, grimy apartment block. I followed him up the stairs. Up, and up, and up. I wasn’t concentrating, so I didn’t realise how far up we were going. All I could focus on was my beautiful baby boy. He hadn’t even opened his eyes, hadn’t even seen me before he left. He hadn’t made a sound, not a single one. He’d just been the most beautiful human I’d ever known. I was awed at his presence. And then he’d grown still – stiller than any baby I’d ever seen in my whole life. And he was gone. Just like that.
Bang! I jumped. The loud noise jolted me back to the present, with Davin. The noise was him shutting and locking the door.
“Davin...?” I croaked, confused as I looked around us. He smiled sympathetically at me, and held my hand. He started leading me somewhere, saying, “I’m so sorry, Roselyn. This must be such a difficult time for you ... I can only imagine what you’re going through ... but don’t worry. It’ll all be over very soon. You’ll see ... all the pain will stop...”
“Davin, stop. Stop this now.”
“It’s alright, Roselyn. Don’t worry ... it’ll be all over soon...”
“Davin stop! Let go of me!”
“It’s okay, sis,” he whispered. Then he grabbed my arms and pushed me off the roof.