My throat was hoarse from the endless sobbing I'd done over the
past two days. My beautiful baby boy was dead. Too
premature, they'd explained. All the time that I'd carried
him in my belly was for nothing. Those strenuous hours of labour
were for nothing. My salty, plentiful tears were for nothing. It
was all for nothing. I thought of Richard, my loving, dutiful
husband, and apologised to him for breaking the promise he made
me swear to him. It had been a warm June night, and the stars
glowed brightly above. "Promise me that you'll never give up,
Roselyn. Whatever happens, promise me you'll never give up," he
had whispered in my ear, His hands were caressing my swollen
stomach. "I promise." He'd left to Iraq the following day, and
two weeks later I'd received the news that he was dead. Two
months later, and I couldn't hold onto his promise any longer.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Roselyn?" I looked up to see Davin, my older brother waiting by
the doorway. "The doctors said you can go now."
I nodded, silent. I picked up my belongings and followed him out
of the hospital. He was driving me to his house where he'd
offered I stay for a while, until I got back on track. As I
looked out the window, the grey buildings flashed past me in a
blur, and the sky was a heavy grey to match. We didn't talk until
I looked at the tall, grimy apartment block. I followed him up
the stairs. Up, and up, and up. I wasn't concentrating, so I
didn't realise how far up we were going. All I could focus on was
my beautiful baby boy. He hadn't even opened his eyes, hadn't
even seen me before he left. He hadn't made a sound, not a single
one. He'd just been the most beautiful human I'd ever known. I
was awed at his presence. And then he'd grown still - stiller
than any baby I'd ever seen in my whole life. And he was gone.
Just like that.
Bang! I jumped. The loud noise jolted me back to the
present, with Davin. The noise was him shutting and locking the
"Davin...?" I croaked, confused as I looked around us. He smiled
sympathetically at me, and held my hand. He started leading me
somewhere, saying, "I'm so sorry, Roselyn. This must be such a
difficult time for you ... I can only imagine what you're going
through ... but don't worry. It'll all be over very soon. You'll
see ... all the pain will stop..."
"Davin, stop. Stop this now."
"It's alright, Roselyn. Don't worry ... it'll be all over
"Davin stop! Let go of me!"
"It's okay, sis," he whispered. Then he grabbed my arms and
pushed me off the roof.