I'm sure I've done this before. I know I've done it, but where do I start? How does it work? Every time I've got back into the singles game I've had a spring to my step, a swagger in my strut. Was there a moment of loneliness? I can't remember...
Is it harder this time round? How come you can never remember the gap in between relationships? Nights of striking out, times of being too jaded to want to be involved with anyone. Being fed up of seeing couples and the way they are with one another. Thinking love and romance is futile and foolish, watching people struggling through relationships and mini dramas and all you can think of is get rid of him or her... is it really worth it?
It's more of a struggle at thirty plus, especially if you're an unfortunate male like myself. My hair is thinning and I'm growing hair where it shouldn't grow, I eat less and exercise but I can't help but put on weight. I spend less time looking at myself in the mirror because I don't like what I see and to think this all before I walk out of the door can't be good for my confidence. I feel like a market fruit and veg seller trying to shift bruised bananas, damaged apples and rotten veg. The only thing you can make with that is a 'dysfunctional stew'. Sounds like a heavy metal band... any users please feel free, I just want 5% of all CD sales and tours. You can keep your t-shirt money.
Where do I meet ladies in my age bracket? Do they all still go clubbing? Another problem with being thirty plus is that most of your friends have partners, as do their friends. I understand you meet people through going out and meeting people but that well is truly dry. So, in this case, you find that your only friends that are left in the dating game become a wing man, a maverick to your goose, although this is a little creepy at thirty plus while living in the second most densely populated city in Europe where the female to male ratio is six to one. You're just diluting your chances but to go out on your own is just weird and you can't go out with women to find a date.
You may think men are not subtle but women are just as unsubtle, like a brick thrown through your front window, a note attached to it with the name of the culprit and why he or she did it. They will use classic lines such as 'he's really nice' or 'he's really funny' which translates as 'he's not that good looking, you can have a laugh with him like you would a friend and you can totally walk all over him... oh, and did I mention he's desperate?'. Thanks ladies. You're a poor wing man or lady but a good friend so we will leave it at that. Plus one guy with a load of women; Huge Hefner or their GBF? Answers on a postcard please.
Now I know people use dating websites and I have seen people use them. I'm not sure why but they frighten me. I think I'm worried that I may see someone I know, or maybe I fear disappointment at the thought of no one finding me attractive. There are some absolute stunners I've seen that friends have shown me and it just makes me think, why the hell can't she find a date? Is she a career girl who is too busy to play the field or is she six and a half machetes on the psycho meter? Maybe I'll join one day; if I grow a pair…
At the moment, and this is weird, the really nice girls I meet and get on with I would prefer to keep as friends to prevent ruining our friendship. Is this one of my neurotic knee jerk reactions to defend my weak heart? Or is it the fact I'm not ready to let anyone in and I'm secretly enjoying my single and empty life?