Dear Inevitable Death.
Are you afraid of death?
When I was little, around the age of four or so, I most definitely wasn't.
I watched scary movies about demons and ghosts. I liked them a lot, in fact. I used to want a Ouija board.
But after that, I guess I just felt towards death like most people did - sort of indifferent/sort of scared of it.
I think about it a lot; I really do. I don't really know why, though.
Then again, how could you not, when it seems to happen all around us so frequently? I don't know.
But, have you ever thought you would die young?
And no, I'm not just saying that for the sake of sounding like a Ke$ha song. (Personally, I really don't like her.)
But have you ever really, really thought about how you would die? I don't think of how it would happen, per se, but more along the matters of when.
Like, how old am I going to be? Who will be there? Will it hurt?
But of all things, there's always something that nags me at the back of my mind.
I think I'm going to die young.
No, I don't have visions or whatever. No, I don't think that palm reading has anything to do with it (although, I was told that I would have a rocky at first but great love life, good luck, but a short life). It's just a sort of…feeling I get.
I can't imagine myself growing up. I know, that's so stupid sounding, but it's true. I wouldn't think any less of it, but it's not just me. It's my parents. My friends. People I've known for most of my life; it's just too hard for them to imagine.
Even friends that are the same age of me, they have this vision of themselves in the future that they'll 'grow up' someday. Eventually they will. And they'll do whatever they're going to do.
I can't imagine being older after at least some where after 20 years old. And it's even hard to imagine that. I would think that it's just me and my childish nature, but even people with such natures grow up in the long run, for the most part. Yet I can't even imagine my face ageing.
Another shot in the dark thing, but I don't know what I want to do with my life. Even people who don't know what they want to do have at least the faintest idea that they would just lay low for a while. Do something else and find something that makes them happy. But I can't even imagine that.
And I've always experienced a lot of death in my life, so maybe that's just the whole big missing clue to this.
But, sometimes, I don't really think so. I think it's something else. Maybe I'm right.
I might be wrong. I could be 100% wrong.
But there's probably a part of me that's at least right; that at least means something. Right?
Have you ever felt the same way? I don't mean to sound like I'm talking out of my ass, but it's how I feel. I don't really know why, though. It just seems like death while I'm still a young age is so inevitable.