This is a true story of two people who met, fell in love and then fell out of love because they lost sight of what was important. This story has the combination of all the negative things that could go wrong in a relationship. There's a lot of drug, physical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse within. There's controlling issues, infidelity and a host of other issues presented in this story. There are a lot of good times and moments shared but the bad times over shadow all the good. The sad part about this story is the two individuals really did love each other and could have gone down in history as one of the great couples along side of: Bonnie and Clyde, Bogart and Bergman, Fred and Ginger, Romeo and Juliet and Anthony and Cleopatra; they had it all and lost it. Not one of my greatest moments. From time to time I still feel the loss, but life goes on.
LETTERS OF REGRET--LETTER #1
First meeting, first date, future promises and the first of many regrets.
Hello stranger, it's been quite some time since we've last saw or been in contact with one another. I figures you weren't going to make the first move, so I decided to step up to the plate and reach out to you. As always I hope and pray that when this letter reaches you it finds you, the kids and the rest of your family well. As for me; I've had my share of ups and downs since we parted company, but on the whole I'm good. Every now and then something happens that triggers my memory of you. Sometimes it as simple as a song we enjoyed together or a familiar place we went to together and sometimes it's a cornball movie; where there's a scene in it we experienced together or I fantasized us doing together. I figured you weren't going to make the first move to contact me so I decided to step up to the plate and reach out to you.
I guess you're wondering why I've decided to write you at this time. Well lately I've been thinking about you. I thought about the good and bad times we shares. I thought about the many mistakes we made with each other. I thought about how we both broke our word to each other time and time again in various ways. I tried to figure out where we went wrong. When I opened my eyes and looked at it honestly, it wasn't really hard to figure out where we went wrong.. For a long time I was mad at you and I'm sure you were just as mad at me for fucking up our relationship.
So I've decided to put our story on paper. Believe me my motives for doing this are not to embarrass you or to cause you any type of grief. I just think that whoever reads our story will benefit from the mistakes we made. It won't be a "how to in relationships", instead it will be more like a "how not to guide". We had a chance at something really special between us that could have lasted a lifetime but we sacrificed it for some real bullshit. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what we went through, not even my worst enemy. So sit back, put your feet up, pop a Corona and read on.
I remember the first time I saw you, as if it was yesterday. I was visiting my sister Karen and you dropped by to have a word with her. Just before you and Karen disappeared to the backroom, Karen caught my eye and she stopped short. I guess she saw that my eyes were glued on you or maybe she remembered her manners of introduction. Karen took you by the hand and led you to where I was sitting; she introduced us by telling me your name was Janet, but you preferred to be called "India". She introduced me to you as her oldest brother "Greg" said I was the bad guy of the family and told you to be very careful of me with a smile. Then the two of you disappeared and left me with my mouth wide open, tongue wagging. You made a lasting first impression on me, which was rare after meeting one of my sister's friends. Karen doesn't socialize with a lot of "good girls". I turned to my brother-in-law Ike, and immediately asked him "what's up with India?" Before he could fill me in, you and Karen appeared from the backroom and were heading to the door, you only minutes ago came through. Just like that you were gone. If I had, had a crystal ball to gaze into the future I probably would have never pursued you. That's not true, I would have pursued you anyway, I just wouldn't have made so many mistakes with you.
I had no way of knowing it then, but you would become one my greatest victories as well as one my greatest defeats. When I first saw you, I fell in instant "like with you". I thought you were so beautiful, I loved the way you spoke, and you had a hint of a Hispanic accent. When you spoke it was like hearing my favorite song, it was music to my ears. Your accent wasn't strong but it was noticeable. As you know now I had and still do have a strong attraction towards Hispanic women. I notice right away the oversized clothing you were wearing. I assumed the clothing was an attempt to hide your figure. You may have fooled others by wearing baggy clothes, but to a guy like me, who has a trained eye; I was able to see right through your disguise. I immediately sized you up. I very much liked the mental image that conjured up of you. I've never had the pleasure of seeing an angel but I'm convinced that if I ever did see one they would exactly like you. You measured up to my specifications and expectations of the perfect woman to the letter. You were so beautiful (and still are), short in height, sexy lips, shoulder length curly hair (which you know drove me crazy). Small perky breast, nice flat stomach, small waist, a very nice shaped ass, perfectly shaped legs and small feet. Not only did you look good you smelled real good too. At the time I didn't know the name of the fragrance you were wearing. I later found out it was Victoria's Secrets Lavender. To this day I still love that smell; it's so fresh and so clean clean (smile). Whenever I come in contact with that smell I recognize it immediately and I think of you.
I wanted you and meant to have you by any means necessary. Me being 5'11", 170 lbs, Black, good looking and smart as hell combined with all your attributes would naturally paint the outward picture of the perfect couple. I imagined us having a beautiful baby girl with your looks, my brain and out mix of Dominican and African blood. I asked my sister Karen a lot of questions about you. She told me about you having a man; having a few kids and that you lived in the projects a few blocks from her. She also without going into details told me that you had a rough life but you were basically a good girl and her friend. My sister knowing me and being a good friend to you, told me to stay away from you. I'm figuring she just didn't want me to introduce you to our family charm. Karen knew I wasn't paying her any attention because she got some what upset and took on a much more serious tone to her voice. (You know Karen she doesn't get upset easily, so I listened) She came and sat down next to me and says "Greg I know you like India and I think she likes you too because I saw the same look on her face that you had on yours when I introduced the two of you. She has a man, whom by the way I can't stand and if you pursue her you're going to cause her a lot of problems. Her man is very jealous and physically abusive to India and if he even thinks she is cheating on him, there's no telling what he'll do to her". She smiles, calls me a trouble maker and says "that's why I keep you away from my friends".
What Karen told me weighed heavily on my mind. At the moment I didn't have a clear solution but I figured one would come when it was needed. All I knew was that I liked what I saw in you and I was willing to do whatever needed to be done to let you know that. This was totally new feeling for me. I've never in my whole life been so motivated to move into action as I was after meeting you. I daydreamed about you during the day, I dreamed about you at night and my first waking thought each day was of you. WOW, I HAD IT REAL BAD FOR YOU!!! It was just a feeling, but for some reason I felt you were the missing piece of the puzzle that would make me complete. I fantasized about you a lot and it wasn't always sexual, that's when I knew you were THE ONE. You never knew these things because I never told you. I wish had and a millions other things. One of my many REGRETS.
The next time I saw you was almost just like the first time (you came in, talk to Karen and then you were gone again). Only this time you had a message which I knew was for me. You didn't say it directly to me but I caught it just the same and so did Karen. You gave Karen a phone number for her to reach you at your mother's house. Our eyes locked on each other just before you went out the door and the smile you gave me dam near melted my heart away. The next time I went to Karen's house I tried to get your mother's phone number from Karen but she claimed she couldn't find it. Needless to say I was a little upset with my sister. I thought she was trying to block or deter my mission to expose you to my family charm. As I look back now I realize shewas only trying to protect you. I promised myself that whenever, where ever I saw you next, I was going to step to my business and holler at you.
I don't know if it was fate or just my lucky day, but I remember walking down 140th St towards the library (which was across the street from where Karen lived) and who do I see? You, the one and only person I had hoped to see. You were on the side of my sister's building waiting for her to return home. I knew right there and then that the ball was in my court and it was time to sink that long range three pointer. As I'm approaching you, you turned around and saw me coming. I couldn't swear to it, but I'm almost certain I saw your eyes light up when you saw me. Once I reached you, we gave the customary hood greeting; a hug and a peck on the check. (It was our first physical contact and it felt dam good). I asked how you were doing. Which you replied "I'm all right, I just came by to see your sister, and you?" I told you "I was good. I was just taking a stroll, enjoying the weather". I'm pretty sure you didn't but that story, somehow you knew I was looking for you. Listen India, I don't want to seem out of line, I know you got a man and all that but, if you're not busy later on I would like to take you out. You look like you could do with some fun and I promise you'll enjoy yourself". You said "yes" and agreed to meet me back at my sister's house later on that day. When you said yes, my mind automatically went into overdrive. I thought about all the things I would like to do to you once I got you alone.