Monday, 30 March - EARLY Morning
"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how…
The artist never entirely knows. We guess.
We may be wrong, but take leap after leap in the dark."
Agnes De Mille
I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know God will be there. I have to hold on to that right now, I have to. Everything is becoming surreal. Am I really going? Is this really happening? I've spent the day on my own packing up my flat. I've been trying to sort everything out over the past few months, but there is still so much to do! I can't believe that I've given away 3 full bin bags of stuff already and I'm still not finished. How on earth did I accumulate all of this stuff (there really isn't a better word for it!)? Kitchen, Living area, Bedroom, Bathroom. Technically that's only 4 rooms. So why so much stuff? It's crazy!
There are all the other things I have to sort out too. Things Mom wants sorted, things the London agencies need, making appointments with the agencies, sorting out my car, organising a painter for my flat, the new tenants, the removal guys, banking, medical aide, flight confirmations, my farewells… I just want to get out now, get it all over with. I can't believe that these last few days have been so horrible. I've never cried so much in my life, or felt more outcast and lonely… this is worse than going to high school 10 years ago! I can't believe that I'm volunteering to go off and start my life all over again. Surely I'm too old for this? Is all this emotion and confusion worth it? Is leaving to look after me, and have some "Shannan-time", a good idea? Oh, I hope so.
- LATE Evening
After all that the day ended surprisingly well. The trick really is to just get out of bed and get going. I finished as many odds and ends as I could. My travel insurance is sorted; hopefully I won't need to use the terrorist cover. I couldn't handle living through another 9-11! I've organised my traveler's cheques. Booked a haircut for next week (I have no idea when I'll be able to afford another one of those). The police have now certified all the copies of the documents I need: my degree, my post grad results sheet, 2 references and my police clearance certificate (can't believe that took over 6 weeks to arrive). I now have my ID photos as well. The list from an agency stipulates that, for my interview I need:
■Original Passport with correct visa stamp inside
■2 Passport sized photos
■Certified copy of SA police clearance certificate
■Certified copy of teaching qualification
■Proof of address for CRB check (that's the British Police Check)■2 contactable references
With all the documents in hand I also took the advice of one of the agents and packed the originals too.
The removal guys did a great job this afternoon, even though their removal van was stolen last night and they had to organise a rental trailer to cart my stuff in. My sister and new brother-in-law (how strange to think I now have a brother!) came to say goodbye on their way to the airport. They brought me chocolates and cards to say goodbye, and happy Easter. So awesome. It was a tearful farewell as they left for their honeymoon in Kenya. I'm relieved that the last time I saw Nats she wasn't hitching up her wedding dress, looking exhausted and delirious on champagne and happiness
I managed to get my documents couriered to the Cape Town branch of a UK teacher supply agency just before closing time, they recruit teachers from here who want to teach over there, so that our "transition is smoother". Shame, I don't think that the UK offices will have South African bases for much longer as the work-visa laws all change. Apparently, my friend who owns a travel assistance franchise says, it looks like the trend will be towards young South Africans going to America or Europe now, because they can't get visas for the UK. I think that's really sad.
The end of a long day starts my last night in my flat surrounded by the odds and ends I still have to pack. Jane has called to say all is organised in London. The painter is set to arrive first thing tomorrow morning to clean up the watermarks on the ceiling for the new tenants; and I'm shattered. Good Night!
Tuesday, 31 March
"If you're proactive, you don't have to wait for circumstances or
other people to create perspective-expanding experiences. You
consciously create your own."
Stephen R. Covey