We carry the message in many small,
subtle, but powerful ways. We do our own
recovery work and become a living demonstration
of hope, self-love, comfort, and heath.
These quiet behaviors can be a powerful message
--Beattie, Melody, The Language of Letting Go
Most days, women feel like a density cloud away from man, and there is no recycle to fill it with cute words or a 1-800-Flower buds to get it even.
How did happen to the pretty details among woman and man? Unlike machismo , which did not seem to know what was the problem or what was the reason we the man and we the woman little by little have begun to split each other .
For the last five years, I found this split weird. It took me a week and three days to see that in the clubs, in the gyms, in the theaters, in the streets, in the freeways, as if the women were moving away from men's shadow, and nowhere did I find a drawn as curious and compelling with the couples, nowhere did I find women more attached to their girlfriends than men.
It did not take me a minute to find out some reason why women have begun to be a solo minder in their daily routine by themselves. As a student of California State University and a junkie-mushier in Hollywood clubs and Santa Monica nightclubs I have known lots of women.
And there I found this Costa Mesa resident worker and student, an aspirant soap opera.
Frustrated and humiliated, Beatriz Tocqueville retreated momentary from her own right.
"Men in general have changed?" she asked herself. "Yes, they are. It has not used to be when they're more sensitive and where the physical aspects has never been a problem. Now they seem too cute and too inevitable like a flow of boundaries."
On that first moment in May as a curious bastard I was, I went to my way to get more about Woman's talk. Without leaving from the 24 Fitness in Foothill Ramp sport. I took more than 100 answers for this simply question: What happen today between woman & Man?
As the 25-year-old Californian girl Patricia H. Lewis felt that split was the 'social tension' among man and woman, but typical of too much proclamations of survivor and weakness body. It created, she added, an explicit adjustment in both sexes that she stated it's not there.
"It's nothing personal," she said with a mysterious smile across her face, as she was kicking the pedal of the 'climber' bicycle in front of me. "I've nothing I got that I can get it. Did you read the book called, 'Polite Lie'? '"
No, I did not. She looked at me and shook her head. "That is the paradox about men!"
Nevertheless it was the risk of alienation that could be incorporated in this new approach that Akira Longbirg was not wanted to take. A Project Specialist in Research Firm in downtown, Los Angeles, it has to be more on the possibility that man has begun more selfish and he had withdrawn altogether from the classical relationship .
"Man thinks that we are a sex machine," Akira said. Her head high, as she hurled and with a defiance look toward me sitting in a Melrose leveled-street sidewalk café, after I took my liberty to seat around her table and began to ask her my question: What happen today between woman & Man? "And they have us as an open-legged animal for that purpose."
"I am not the 'sex-seeker' , but the woman who isn't breeding ground because of man is a fool. I'm a freer soul, I guess."
By the similar impact of the relationship she did not define her points of view as a challenge.
"Don't take me wrong," a 31-year-old Community graduate Margarita López from North Hollywood said as she begged me not to print her name; but in the last minutes she changed her mind. "I love men. Rather than allow them or in a full release of passion to take over, I always let him know what the option are. With no desire to give it back, I often inhibit it as a vulnerable bird. They don't deserve to us to be dynamic as before. On the absence of flowers and nicer dinner time, men today have change a bit."
What is the reason of such changing? Could be a sympathy that oppose his existence but in recognition of her new role and certainly that women have for the past fifteen years had broken that invisible chain that was attached to them as a false commitment by men himself.
"I don't know what it is," Nicole P. Logerie of South Gate with such experience of twenty-tree boyfriends and an-almost proposal marriage. "I've tried to find a modern love what Ma and Pa felt from the first they met in 1946. But I failed, and the chief of this is that man is filled of pig's wasting! Especially as they think it as a political issue."
Could be then a competing plot-plus, and a manipulated challenge in the rearing make-up women today.
In full force, Noemi Maggar, who was proud to say she had a man with whom she loved and she had planed to marry him, she recognized often that harness.
"Luckily for them!" she exclaimed as she was sitting around a table at Beverly Hills Mall, waiting for one of her girlfriends. "It will be nice to have two minds. Because minds created a powerful correction to any further mistakes. Equally accept, however, man can not handle it before us."
However, Mary Knowles, a Social Workers in the City of El Segundo, disagreed.
"I've not tasted a man for five years now. I'm become aware of man's image problem. Maybe it was on the 1950s when men started calling us 'sweetheart', dearer', and so on, a reference to the truly attitude what they felt. In the 1970s everything had a drastic fall. From now on it is a track when I cannot see anyone  with a good feeling that emphasize that past. Better is to fuck, or being fucked. Either one, I am not into do it."
That self-disclosure, that was how and to whom one lets himself or herself to have sex wishes, Kimberly Gayden did not see it as a sexual relationship or the real goal to let a man to take her to the bed and had sex with her.
"I am a women if I say otherwise," she said. "Not precisely the point, isn't it?" she asked herself with a self-control mischief, sitting in the Cal State University Library. "Well, it is. The way men have begun to behave toward us is an awful way. This play-fouled thinker believed he is a believer. But I think he is just a dig-headed soulless, and they manage themselves under that pressure that call 'man' before us. But women are a creature of union now. Since the history has begun to be called history and women had begun to see herself more than a woman, thank for the women's movement and the transformation of ourselves, want to move away from them. The sensibility, this classical alternative where the self-worth of being what we are, they recognize now, I hope, not all is playing by the foolish being a man."
Respect? More role? More freedom from the traditional supermodel that the man has created? Or recognition away from the man?
Having gained the initiative, Carolyn Artuyunyan and Antoinette Melvin-Encino looked at me with uneasy gestures.
"Wait-a-minute! We got all that and more," Carolyn said finally, sitting comfortable on a chair in Venice Beach. "We got that, sugar. I got my job and I got my place and I got my car. The creative of a healthy relationship with men was not there. They are scared to us and we don't want to mess it with that big ego. The tell-it-like-it-is man generation has gone. The transformation or the guilt it is a reflection that men kept with themselves."
"There is not going-on fire," Antoinette said. "Even though I do not sense myself as a romantic person, this does not mean I am feeling so faithful supporter to have a man to bring this radioactive past into my soul! The value is there, but the men are loaded with shitting moment only and they are beginning to lose grounds."
All attention went to Akiko Kuratoma.
"Man is missing the point and I must say, for the first time for all past trouble I didn't give a bless."
But there was more, Jean R. Guon was hoping that discord, jealousy, detached point of view will pass.
"There are too many books of superhero," she said as she looked at me very seriously in the leveled-street coffee in Santa Monica City Ocean Avenue. "However, there is none about female heroine who required to be called unique. Only men, and those who are mourning them, they're still believing the happiness will not come with physical contact but with wordiness and comprehension. Few men have, including the superheroes."
To settle the matter and to find on the reason for this statement, I went myself to Santa Barbara when my last teacher of Psychology lived.
I spoke with her -- Lorraine Peoples-Mills, a 79-year-old woman, who for the safety and prosperity, she had received me with a smile. "It has been a long time," she said.
After an hour the question surprised her again; but I kept it back by the evil-man Regent to whom my soul was attached to and was not allowed me to leave.
"You've never given it up, haven't you, huh?"
"No, Mrs. Peoples-Mills," I said. "Perhaps because I love so much women!"
"I bet you do!"
"Very well," she said after a long silence. "I don't have the answer. In my mind that's for the better. Yet women certainly have now a wide enough range of alternative roles to select from. No matter whether it can be accordingly return or not, she can demand for herself a 'cultured' of mutual force."
After a five-hour talk and with different answers to choose from, I was still not satisfy; but it was time to say goodbye.
That's when I stood up, kissed her both cheeks, as I dared to take a last shot: Who will win this battle?"
"Us!" she said, smiling. "Whether that's the way I feel or not, you will change or you will lose -- forever!"
The individuals, who were with me for this article, are real people and alive. Once again it's time to say, how can I thank you all of you and be grateful and unique whatever you do.!
Thanks to my friends writers Gil H. Hana, Katherine Roteriosare, John Smittson, and Ted O. Loams, who were arguing with me the best questions.
Many thanks to my teachers Dr. Robert Haban and his wife Nancy during those wonderful moments of bla! bla!
Many thanks to my professor Lorraine Peoples-Mills using always expression like "free man, free woman" that made me right to argue.
Once again I joyfully quote them and if there are some mistake in their conversation, I will take all the responsibility as a bad listener as that damned recorder was always broken at right moment when I tried to copy from it.
Well, let jus say it's my fault.
References Notes & Books
Mori, Kyoko, Polite Lies: On Being A Woman Caught Between Cultures, Henry Holt and Company, New York, 1997.
Friedan, Betty, The Feminine Mystique, W.W. Norton & Company, New York/London, 1997, pp. 258-281; p338-378.
The Greatest is Love, Published by The World Home Bible League, 1967.
Borysenko, Joan, A Woman's Book of Life: The Biology, Psychology, and Spirituality of the Feminine Life Cycle, Riverhead Books. New York, 1996.
Beattie, Melody, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents, A Hazelden Book, HarperCollinsPublishers, 1990, p.343
Millay, Edna St. Vincent, Collected Poems, edited by Norma Millay, Harper & Row, Publishers, New York, 1949.
 Machism: This term is most suitable to Latino men rather than American males. The archetypal, superhombre latino who is the traditional Hispanic male image. The notion sexuality that he is unable to be emotional expressive or involve conation of weakness.
 To split each other: Perhaps this expression is a little "hardest" to follow. And frightened, I shall say, where the possibility of understanding is quite dim. There is certainly a question how far this gaining or how far this is going. However, such term that women have become increasingly interested in their owe away from men is real touched today. Even so Betty Friedan, in her classical book titled The Feminine Mystique, does not speak about these terms, I interpreted it when I read her book. On Chapter 3: The Crisis in Women's Identity, I was quite impressive therefore I am ranged it as decorative lesson.
 'Polite Lie'?: By that time I didn't read that book. Three days later I found it at the Glendale Public Library, in Glendale. The book was written by a Japanese writer Kyoko Mori who has been caught between two cultures, Japan and Midwest, where she scrutinizes whether with painful determination or with extraordinary reciprocity her own life and the different codes of survivor. However I expected to find something about the splitting what I have in mind. I didn't This book was something else.
The classical relationship: In our interview she told me that she believed in Betty Friedan, the American writer who wrote the book titled Feminine Mystique. Also she stated from a book called "The Greatest is Love" published by The World Home Bible League, the followed lines, Act 15:24 p188: 'We understand that some believers from here have upset you and questioned your salvation, but they had no such instruction from us.' In the way she said it I recognized she was really upset against men in general. However, I've never a woman with such control and power in her voice that I didn't notice it.
 'Sex-seeker': This is term that Betty Friedan (1997) uses in her book, "The Feminine Mystique" that Akira has repeated it throughout our interview with a different meaning. "I did not do a Kinsey study," Friedan starts in Chapter 11 (The Sex-Seekers). But when I was on the trail of the problem that has no name, the suburban housewives I interviewed would often give me an explicitly sexual answer to a question that was not sexual at all." Friedan, Betty, "The Feminine Mystique", W.W.Norton & Company, Mew York/London, 1997, p258.
 I cannot see anyone: She refers it to 'man'.