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The realization of what is and what could have been.

Submitted:Mar 15, 2012    Reads: 27    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

Sit down, close your eyes, think about your life; are you happy? No? Go home. Pack a bag, necessities only. Try to forget about the massive amounts of homework you've yet to complete and all other obligations you have this weekend. Hop on the A train. Avoid eye contact with the creepy man sitting across from you. Listen to the crying child and his mother. Don't scream. Please, don't scream.

Close your eyes, happy now?

Get off the train at 42nd street. Walk underground, down the long crowded hallways with other helpless strangers. Notice the people, their faces, they aren't happy. Locate the ticket booth. Buy a ticket. Call your cousin. Pray he's not busy this weekend. Tell him you're on your way. Hop on the huge Trailways bus to Cairo, NY.

Close your eyes, happy now?

Get off the bus. Stop. Take in your surroundings. Appreciate where you are, away from the city, in the middle of nowhere. Hug him. Hug Michael and tell him you simply had to leave. You couldn't fucking stay. Tell him your dad doesn't know. Beg him to keep it a secret. Shake his roommate's hand, David. Don't stare too long, it may seem rude. Let go of his hand. Try not to smile too much. Hop in Michael's car.

Close your eyes, happy now?

Arrive at his house; the house with the green wrap-around porch, the house with no worries, no supervision, hidden from the world, filled with people just like you. Stay in the house of misfits for a while, in the middle of the woods, on top of the hill, next to the pretty blue lake. Breathe in the fresh, unpolluted air. Listen to the geese, and the wind, and all other sounds unheard in a city of barking dogs and honking horns. Let out a sigh of relief. Believe you belong here. Let the hours turn to days. Don't think about going home, ever. Participate in the everyday rituals that the housemates practice, different form the usual, boring routine. Listen to the roar of David's motorcycle outside, pulling up the dirt path in front of the house. When he tells you to hop on, do it. Put your arms around his waist. Try not to smile, I dare you. Feel the wind rushing through your hair, down your throat and into your lungs. Feel the warm sun on your skin as you're flying fast down the unsteady dirt path. Hold onto David, tight; you'll die if you let go. Feel the blood pumping its way throughout your body. Notice you've never felt more alive. Calm the storm in your chest.

Close your eyes, happy now?

Kiss him. Promise him you won't forget. Promise him you'll come back. Explain to him why you can't stay. Believe your reasons make sense. Remember your family, your friends, your job, your education. Fight everything in you that begs you to stay, which promises you, you can be happy here, that convinces you there's nothing left back "home". Kiss him again. Note the way it feels, different. Let him hold you for a while.

Close your eyes, you're happy here.

Go home. Try not to think about the past weekend. Attempt homework. Go to work. Attempt sleep. Go to school. Put on a smile. Pretend to be happy here. Keep smiling.


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