This is how it feels like...
After running for years it seems like an eternity. I can't seem to fathom the pain and confusion I perceive much less
abandon.. So this is how forever feels like. You continue to push yourself when there's nothing left inside you. You feel
lighter and yet you've always wondered why.
The days and nights seem to collide and not give you much space even to breathe. Yet people seem to think you are
another slacker.. another lazy person. But I cannot hear anyone anymore. I did not know I could become deaf .. I just
realized that I cannot hear myself anymore. I touch my cheeks and they are dry .. scorched burned by fevers.. and who
knows what else. I cannot feel pain either.. I refuse to listen to my body. I might be yearning for something more
violent and depraved. Yet I manage to keep walking. Thee are no more nights or days.. only hours and minutes... maybe
even seconds. The air seems more poisonous than ever. My lips are forever cracked... parched and I only notice them
when I bleed. I feel like I am running and yet I am still standing on the same spot I was twenty years ago. I wonder
and think fast.. lest I loose my consciousness.
This is how it feels like. Eternal Damnation is not a place.. it is not a fact nor a mistake. Eternal Damnation is the
brevity of time and the loss of innocence, beyond reason. I could sit all night and and day.. waiting only for the
exhaustion of my body. I am a victim of my fate.. of my own decisions.. and of my travesties. I engendered my failures
because I had no one to turn to.. I am in this Eternal Damnation not for crimes nor sins not even for blaspheming
Providence.. But simply that this hand has to be finished.
Eternal Damnation is knowing that you are alive yet buried under massive pretense... and so you thought you could hide..
but alas.. raptures do happen.. and your soul will simply lacerate itself from your body... I envy bliss. I envy
ignorance I envy treachery and immorality. for in them one can simply rest easy. Eternal Damnation is a point of no
return of recursive nightmares and philosophical realization.. I await retirement... I await for the final resting so
I say" eternal rest grant unto my soul.".." Providence dear Providence that I might finally be free of this bondage.."
"may there be some light.. may thou soul rest in eternal repose."