Your spirit felt emptiness within. However other people think of you as a jolly person, you still know that something is missing.
You are smiling, yet you felt awful and lonesome inside. You like to see a child, a mother and a father having their picnic gleefully. You are pleased to see them, but you are horribly resentful inside. People thought you always know how to make fun and yet deep inside, you are hurting. I know what you feel. We are on the same boat. You envy them as much as I envy others. On this case, we must find the roots for all of this pain. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, they are our mother and our father. It’s their fault why we are suffering this kind of pain.
Our parents vowed in front of the altar that they would love each other as long as they live. But they were liars. They broke their vows and had wanted to go on their own. They were not thinking about what would happen to us—their children, about our feelings and thoughts toward their separation. They wouldn’t be bothered about it. Then they would ask you whom of them would you prefer to go with. It was unfair to you. They were really selfish. Why can’t you just choose both of them? It was so hard for you to make your mind up. But the most hard and painful thing was the truth that they can no longer stand each other. You have hated the moment they parted ways. Again, they were very selfish. They wouldn’t be concerned about you. They only care for themselves more than anything else. They would look for someone whom they could love. Perhaps, they already have? They are happy, while you are left alone.
They have destroyed you, your life, your dreams and your happiness. Though they didn’t mean it to, the damage has been done. They have already bestowed a burden on you.
You do not like to feel depressed whenever you see a blissful family, you just can’t help it. You do not want to loathe your mother and your father for your sufferings, but you can’t stop feeling it. You also do not wish to see everything as awful as it had never been before. You do not want see all the chaos in your life to be their faults. You just cannot help it.
Today, you are smiling. But deep inside, your spirit is crying. You would always say that you’re okay, but the truth is you are slowly dying in despair. I know what you feel. We are on the same boat.
p.s. regards to my mother whom I love and despised at the same time and to my father whom I loathe a lot...