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MAN UP ON THE GRAVY!

Essay By: reyab naserah
Non-fiction


SHORT ESSAY ON HOW MEN SHOULD NOT BE SUCH DICKS!!!!


Submitted:Feb 1, 2012    Reads: 50    Comments: 4    Likes: 3   


Men, I understand your need to get laid.

Probably, ever since you sprouted hair in your secret places you've felt the need to 'push it'.

If you didn't push it, automatically or manually, you would certainly have needed to change your underwear, mostly against your wish because you seem to be so fond of soaking and swimming in your savings account of things that start to smell and soon stink.

You've compared penis sizes and boasted about the number of ejaculations you meted out on a daily basis.

You've proudly displayed your precious collections of pornography, both in paper and in packets and carried out excellent methods of barter among your friends.

When you meet up with old friends after a considerably long time, your sexual exploits and the ones you missed out on are going to be at the top of your gossip list.

Yes, we are aware that you gossip almost as much as us.

I understand that you're not ready for commitment and responsibilities in your early 20's.

I think that marriage is unfair to you and that you have to pay a very heavy price [married life] for passing the gravy.

Then you get bored of parting the same old meat curtains, which is perfectly normal since nobody wants to eat lentils and rice on a daily basis.

So you start looking elsewhere for fresher, exciting varieties.

Then the added kharchaa of showering the new party with shiny, nice things so that she'll be wiling to shine your nice thing in the shower.

For perhaps an hour's enjoyment per day, you have to work so hard at pretending and lying.

Let me make myself perfectly clear: I am on your side IF you are willing to make adjustments for my kind.

I have no problems with you wanting to get your wickie in some chick's kitchen sinkie.

We females want to get it on just as much as the next guy.

You want pussy, we'll give you pussy.

But don't be complete bastards about it once you've passed the gravy.

You're very lucky we still allow you to enter our holy of holies even after all the bullshit morality codes you condemn us to.

You claim to be tougher and stronger than us but you are actually weak, supercilious hypocrites because you set the rules and break them too.

You lack an unbelievable amount of discipline.

This automatically sets us higher than you because a person who reverts from their word is a coward.

If marriage freaks you out, it freaks us out too.

We wouldn't want it either.

But your forefathers set up these so-called morality codes and you have done close to nothing to change the way people look at us in the long run.

We women want sex.

Lots of it, with multiple partners, just like you.

Why do we have to be with one person for the rest of our lives if we don't feel like it?

I am the authority on things I like and if I don't like something or someone, I don't like something or someone.

If you can be a stud after rubbing, licking, sucking, sticking and heaving why call us sluts when we want to do the same?

A big Fuck You Very Much to all the people who are tsk-tsk ing at my words, Elvis-style!

Simplified:

You want to have sex with us.

We want to have sex with you.

You look at lots of females.

We look at lots of males.

You begin to secrete liquids and get hard.

We begin to secrete liquids and get hard.

You want to tear our clothes off.

We want to tear your clothes off.

You want to do the dirty and walk away satisfied.

We want to do the dirty and walk away satisfied.

Someday, if and when you're ready, you will do the 'honourable' thing and get married.

Your penis will continue to look the same.

Someday, we'll probably be forced to do the 'honourable' thing and get married.

Our vagina will not look the same.

A penis, perhaps quite like yourself, who has had his share of vaginas will point his equally-guilty finger at us and render us unfit for his family.

For a cycle that probably started with you.

Men dictate the high and mighty rules.

Men break the high and mighty rules.

Men ignore the high and mighty rules.

Men walk away unscathed from the high and mighty rules.

We gave birth to you.

We protected you.

We cared for you.

We fed you and burped you.

We cleaned you.

We taught you and had you educated.

We guided you and watched you grow up.

When you began to tower over us and became physically stronger than our kind, each of your successes became a certificate of a job well done on our part.

Then you began to exploit and violate others of our kind and desecrated the hole you were squeezed out of.

You lied and cheated to get your way.

But we are the compassion you will have to return to when you want consolation, when you want to be heard, when you want a hug.

No man will be able to provide that, not even a gay, giving guy.

We understand that you will always remain a foetus on the inside no matter how fearless you attempt to appear on the outside.

When you finally make that long-overdue, half-hearted, heat-of-the-moment apology, we will accept your return, not because we missed the crappy treatment we received at your hands but because we understand that you have none but our sex to turn to, who will put up with your bullshit.

We don't need you as much as you need us.

But you already knew that, yes?

Always remember that when you cheat on us with another of our kind , the only loss incurred is yours because you weakened before one of ours.

By going from one vagina to the next, you pushed one aside only to prostrate yourself before another.

Be the change you desire.

We are always there for you, naa?





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