Okay, so much is going on and it's getting a strong hold on me. Aaron has recently told me that he really likes me a lot, which of course made me feel happy to hear that. Who wouldn't be happy at hearing those five words-"I really like you a lot". And then Sean messages at random.
"Hey, I really like you a lot," he said in his text words, which included a smile emoticon:). Why now? I wondered. Why do they both have to say those words?! Sean is amazing, i believe I've said that before. And so is Aaron. But now here is the thing that is tearing away at me...Aaron is going away to college soon, probably this coming month or the next month after. And when i brought up how I was going to miss talking to him and seeing him, he didn't respond back to it right away.And when he did respond back, he completely changed the subject. maybe he doesn't plan to have our relationship to last much longer. Chances are, he'll probably find other girls in college anyways, who knows.
And Sean has made a proposal to me not too long ago, before I met Aaron. Sean found a house near the city, with three bedrooms. He wants me to move in with him so we can work on our movie ideas together. At one point, again before i met Aaron, i was talking to a guy named Kevin. I decided not to hide that from Sean because I knew he really liked me, so i told him. He understood and after awhile, he told me that we should just be friends and co workers. Which worked for me then. After Kevin disappeared though- he often did for some reason-I decided to finally admit my feelings to Sean.
"I like you," i messaged him one day. I truly did like him, and I was willing to give us a chance. I knew he liked me too, and I guess I finally summed it up and realized that i liked him a lot too. So, i did it and told him. I was afraid of his response, and when I got it, that's when I decided to let go and move on.He told me he didn't want to be that close and that we should just be good friends and co workers. I agreed and told him,"Yeah:) That would be for the best, we're still friends and i will still do makeup work and acting with you."
But then things changed yet again. After I finally gave up and moved on to other things, Sean wants me to be with him. I'm with Aaron now, and I'm so afraid to tell Sean because I fear his reaction. Will he be sad and ignore me? Will he pretend to be happy that I found a nice guy but be hurt inside? Or will he lash out with anger and fustration?
One thing I don't enjoy is hurting others feelings. And when it's a guy who likes me,but we're friends, then it's even more difficult. Because you don't want to lose your friend. Here are the stats that I've been juggling.
Aaron is a nice,shy guy who gets uncomfortable around large groups. He's funny and makes me laugh, smile, and feel so happy. I' ve actually gone out with him a few times, and soon more. He likes me how I am,or at least that's what he tells me. But I do believe him. and the only downside is that he doesn't like it when a girl he is with has a guy who's her best friend, only because the guy friend acts competitive and jealous. Which is understanding, just look at what Sean does.
Sean is funny, nice when he is in a good mood. Sean also makes me smile and laugh sometimes, and I'm glad to have him as a friend. He's wanted to hang out before but we never got the chance to. and of course he once told me that it will never work out. But,like Aaron, he's been cheated on before. And Sean can be a bit crazy sometimes, he admitted that to me when we first began talking.
I have known Sean longer than Aaron. So, which one will it be? Aaron is going away to college soon and Sean is wanting me to move in with him. I am no good at making decisions, which is why I'm struggling so hard with this...
"I had a sex dream about you," Sean messaged me earlier. Which surprised me, really.
"Really? And how did that go?" I asked.
"Mhhm. Amazing," he messaged back. As I think of that, he is the first ever-EVER- guy to say or admit something like that to me. none of my past boyfriends ever had sex dreams of me before. And I'm sure Aaron doesn't either. Or he doesn't tell me because he thinks it might weird me out or something. it's too confusing and takes plenty of thoughtful thinking.
Aaron's going to college, Sean is wanting to be with me now. I remember in a text that Sean sent to me, that if he ever lost interest in me, he would stop messaging me completely. And since the Kevin thing and everything, he still messages me with no signs nor hints of losing any interest whatsoever. Even when we argue with each other. As for Aaron, we haven't argued, but came close to it earlier yesterday when i wasn't messaging him back.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked and I messaged back no. Why would I be mad at him? He only thought I was because I wasn't messaging him a lot-around that time, he was at work and i was not wanting to disturb him while he worked only because my last guy always got annoyed and a little mad at me when I'd contact him. He'd claim he was busy, but I felt that I shouldn't believe it. Anyways, who will it be? Sean or Aaron? Hopefully I'll know my answer soon. Either Aaron will admit to not wanting to be together when he leaves to college. Or Sean will give up and let go. Or maybe Aaron will want to stay together-i have doubt though, sadly. Or Sean will try his best to have me finally accept him as a boyfriend...