Tears leaked all over my dirty jeans as I watched them seep into the fabric. "My life is over!" I wept aloud in frustration as I stood to my feet. Not even one hour ago my life shattered all around me like a screaming hurricane taking everything I loved with in its destruction.
Staring at my muddy shoes I tried to will them to move with my eyes. Nothing happened, I stayed planted to the ground as my chest rose and fell heavily with sadness.
My eyes started to leak again, cascading down my cheeks onto my torn shirt. "Why? Why me?" I thought melancholy, shutting my eyes tightly closed. I thought of his beautiful face smiling at me. His wonderful brown eyes so light they almost looked like green freshly cut moss and dirt.
In those eyes love shown so brightly my heart skipped a beat knowing that it was meant for me. With a loud sob I smashed my face against my hands and started to heave handfuls of tears into my palms. My chest ached all over, making me want to fall to the ground in a large heap of nothing.
Wishing I could just disappear in that heap of nothingness. My life is nothing with out him. My love, my soul, my Jeremy… with out him how could I live? How can I walk and be strong like he wanted me to be, while he lay in the hospital bed dying of cancer? Refusing to think back again to that memory of those last moments of happiness, love and pain in those eyes of his was.
Instantly too much for me. I felt a blast of adrenaline roll through me with that I bolted, it felt good to run, the wind blew a cross my cheeks momentarily drying the tears.
Running fast I hoped on leaving the anguish behind but too soon it caught up to me again. Making me crash to my knees in a tearing ache, I ripped yet another hole in my jeans as I fell onto a tree trying to hold myself up as my breakfast made a wonderful spicket of and exit. "Jeremy!" I sobbed, "Come back…" I whispered into the trunk of the tree.