Tears leaked all over my dirty jeans as I watched them seep into
the fabric. "My life is over!" I wept aloud in frustration as I
stood to my feet. Not even one hour ago my life shattered all
around me like a screaming hurricane taking everything I loved with
in its destruction. Staring at my muddy shoes I tried to will them
to move with my eyes. Nothing happened, I stayed planted to the
ground as my chest rose and fell heavily with sadness. My eyes
started to leak again, cascading down my cheeks onto my torn shirt.
"Why? Why me?" I thought melancholy, shutting my eyes tightly
closed. I thought of his beautiful face smiling at me, his
wonderful brown eyes so light they almost looked like green freshly
cut moss and dirt. In those eyes love shown so brightly my heart
skipped a beat knowing that it was meant for me. With a loud sob I
smashed my face against my hands and started to heave handfuls of
tears into my palms. My chest ached all over, making me want to
fall to the ground in a large heap of nothing. Wishing I could just
disappear in that heap of nothingness. My life is nothing with out
him. My love, my soul, my Jeremy… with out him how could I live?
How can I walk and be strong like he wanted me to be, while he lay
in the hospital bed dying of cancer? Refusing to think back again
to that memory of those last moments of happiness, love and pain in
those eyes of his was. Instantly too much for me. I felt a blast of
adrenaline roll through me with that I bolted, it felt good to run,
the wind blew a cross my cheeks momentarily drying the tears.
Running fast I hoped on leaving the anguish behind but to soon it
caught up to me again. Making me crash to my knees in a tearing
ache, I ripped yet another hole in my jeans I fell onto a tree
trying to hold myself up as I threw up my breakfast. "Jeremy!" I
sobbed, "Come back…" I whispered into the trunk of the tree.
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