The emails below were about a picture I posted on facebook. I'm a user of wattpad.com and on their website, you can have a book cover for your story rather than a picture. There are various websites (piknik, photoshop, etc) where you can create them. Anyway, I was bored, so I was making people covers for their books. In the bottom corner of each picture, I had my username, that way, people would know that I made the cover. I wanted to show my friends on facebook the covers I made so I posted them. My dad saw them.
There's one specific piece of information you need to know for this all to make sense. My author's name is my first name, and my stepfather's last name. 3 reasons. 1- My last name is HORRENDOUSLY embarrassing. 2- I don't want people to be able to look me up on facebook unless I want them to. 3- My stepfather's name sounds AWESOME with my name. Needless to say, my father was upset that I used my stepfather's surname instead of his as my author's name.
So here are the emails. Well, really, only one. The first is the one he sent to me. The second is the one I ALMOST sent to him. Read the summary in the box above, it explains it all...
Thanks for writing me. Things are pretty normal out here for being at sea. I'm reading a book right now called "The Lion". Its a sequal to a book I read about 5 years ago.
As far as the name you are using as your Author name.....I'm not going to lie.....I'm not happy about it. There are a million names that you could of chosen, and you chose the one name that would upset me. I have nothing against David. I actually like him. I'm happy your mother met him and I think he will be good for her. I'm happy that he loves you guys and wants to be a good stepfather, but taking his last name is a slap in the face to me. I know you are not happy about things between your mother and I, but we are both better off now. I know you will never see any fault in your mother and that it will always be my fault, and I'll take that. Taking his name is just cruel. Your sister thanking him and your mother "for helping her through all these years" after graduation....and not even mentioning me.....is cruel.
You are almost an adult and you can make your own decision. I just hope that someday you will realize that I love you and your sisters, and that your mother has nothing to do with that. I hope that someday you will forgive me for wanting to be happy.
I love you. I'm excited for you that you are almost finished with your book. Please don't think that I'm angry.....there is no tone like that in my email.
Thanks again for writing.
Dad, I'm not taking his last name. I'm keeping your last name. I only use it as my name for writing so people couldn't look me up. I'm trying to grow up and get over the divorce. I know that you are both happier now. I was so upset because mom was so sad all the time. You have no idea how bad it was. she was crying all the time. for months. She's happier now though. I'm trying not to be angry with you anymore. I know you did it for the better of everyone now. I am nowhere near as angry with you anymore. Granted, I am still upset about it, but that's because it changed everything in my life. But you know what? If the divorce happened, I probably wouldn't be writing my book. I used writing as an outlet when the divorce began. Mom encouraged me because I wasn't so depressed when I was. I started writing more and more and realized how much I missed writing. Now, it's still something I use as an outlet, but not for the divorce. It's for stress, and school. If the divorce hadn't happened, I would NOT be writing today. I do have you to thank for that. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I know that you feel like I'm choosing David over you because I using his last name for writing. That's not it at all Dad. You always be my Dad. David can't replace all the memories I have with you. I do love him Dad. He's making Mom so happy, and that makes me happy. Melissa is better for you, and David is better for Mom.
I know I don't talk to you a lot. I have my own reasons. You got to say how you feel, so now I want my turn. I feel like you never supported me in my writing until recently. I feel like you abandoned us at first. I know you're really trying to fix it now, but I'm still going to remember how your friends laughed and made fun of us as we packed the truck up. I'm still going to remember having to take the phone and yell at you because mom was crying. I'm going to remember how hard it was that first year. One time you were gone to sea so long I couldn't remember what you looked like. Mom had to get a picture and show me and I didn't even recognize you. You were gone a lot when I was younger. I know that's not your fault. It was your job, but I've always been closer to Mom. We're so much alike. I felt like if you couldn't love Mom, then no one could love me, because you didn't fight with us about moving to Virginia. You say you knew you were moving down there, but we all know you didn't. I felt like you didn't care about us anymore just because you didn't love Mom anymore. And when you moved to Virginia 2 months later, it was like we were starting the divorce all over again. I didn't have so much stress because I didn't see you. Mom was happier than she had been with you there. Mom defended you (and still does) all the time. I would get so upset because you did that to her, and she STILL defended you. You thought Mom was feeding us all this crap about you, but she actually defended you.
I was 12 years old, but you have no idea how much I grew up that summer. I worried about money all the time. Whatever I could do to save money for mom, I did. I tried to do work for neighbors so I could buy the things I needed for band or school. I don't even know how to explain it, but that's the year everything around me changed. The way I saw things was different. I keep saying I don't want to get married because I'm the same thing that happened to mom will happen to me. I no longer trust anyone completely. In those first couple years, I thought about suicide all the time. Don't call me or mom. I don't anymore. I thought how easy it would be if I didn't have to deal with this anymore. You have no idea how hard it is for me to tell you all this. You can NOT talk to mom about what I say next, or I promise I will never talk to you again. Mom almost committed suicide in the first year after the divorce. She wrote a note and had a bottle full of pills in her hand when Kimmi came home. Mom says seeing Kimmi made her realize she couldn't leave us. She couldn't when we had gone through so much already. If Mom had gone through with it, I don't know what to tell you. I would have too. I can't lose her. If anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I would do. Things are different now. I would have never forgiven you if I had lost both of you because of your decision.
When I first met Melissa. I was angry. I didn't show it. I was polite. That's how I've been raised. I was angry because I felt like you left mom for someone younger. When I first met the boys, I was really hurt. It's no secret that you've always wanted boys. You always tried to get us interested in watching football games with you. You wanted us to go out for sports. You were hard on us. I felt like you had replaced us. I felt like you had replaced our family with another. I still feel like you care about the boys, and I know you say you don't but I still feel that way. It also hurts me that you think the only time I spend time with you is to get stuff. Busch Gardens, dinners, Water Country, presents. And that's not it at all. I know you're actually spending time with us when we go to Bush Gardens, Water Country, or out to dinner with just us. Presents, we still see you guys. And I'm sorry we get so excited when you give us stuff. Maybe you feel like I'm only talking to you about the TV. Mom's been nagging me about emailing you, and when she found out about the picture with the name on it, she got angry at me and told me to make sure you didn't get the wrong idea. She said it probably hurt your feelings a lot, and she was right. I'm sorry. But you've hurt me a lot too. What I was saying though is, you probably think I'm just talking to you because of the TV and your wrong. Granted, I'm going to be excited about it. I'm a teenager. I've never had a TV in my room before, so I'm excited.
It really hurts though when you think that low of me though. I've heard you on the other side of the phone when you and mom are talking. You talk loud enough for everyone to hear. I've had to hear it from Kelsey and Kimmi. You remember that strike I had? I refused to come over for nearly six months. I wasn't just being rebellious. I don't know if you remember the last weekend before my strike, but Melissa tried to act as if she was my mother. She thought that I should be as compliant as the boys were. As if I shouldn't question her, and just mindlessly obey. I told you that weekend that I wasn't coming back after that. You kept asking me to come back when you realized the strike had begun. Mom asked me repeatedly to go when she dropped them off. She thinks I should have a relationship with you. She thinks we should try to fix things. I finally decided to listen to her after nearly six months. That first weekend was great. We spent a lot of time together and you kept telling me how happy you were that I came. I thought that my strike had really made it's point. You respected me more. The next time I came back. My strike was over, and things went right back to the way they used to be. that wasn't a good thing
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