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I've got your back stray (part 1)

Novel By: Ralf
Non-fiction



It's just something I want to hear back from on. Depending on how things go I'll post the second part to this. I have an actual novel in the works, but I'll post that alot later. View table of contents...


Chapters:

1

Submitted:Nov 27, 2006    Reads: 168    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


I've got your back stray (1) I've spent pretty much my entire Sunday being pist because of two people. Now I make it my point to stay loyal. I stay loyal to the bitter fucking end. I only drink Dr. Pepper, I only eat burritos with green chili in it and I only help out a friend. Now that last part is something I stick to, no matter what. I've been watching one of my friends backs for some time now. I always have his back, but just recently have I actually needed to help the brother out. He's cool, and I've got love for him, but his ass is getting him into a bad spot. Now you might have read one of my posts were I stated how I was caught in between two friends going through relationship problems, well this weekend it all blew up. I don't mean to state all the facts and all the shit that's been going on, but I must to a point. Like I said before I've got respect and love for the man, but I must state this in the only way I can. I will NOT be biased, I will say only to a point, and I'll only stick to facts. I was confronted with John's problem a couple of weekends ago. (John is obviously an alias) Well, I gave him advice and told him how to handle it. He told me that his girl was constantly yelling at him and starting arguments. He "has been patient and doesn't want to call it quits". Well that's understandable, to a point. Later he told me that he 'loved' this chick and that he wanted her. Now this is where things get weird. Later that evening the chick sent me an IM. Well that's cool I thought, how wrong was I. She was in a bad mood, and I didn't give her any chance. Sorry, but I give the info straight, no sugar coating. A little later she asked me to call her, I did. Stupid fucking me. We talked till about 5 in the morning. About 90 percent of it was her flirting with me, you know purring, moaning, giggling, the works. Well I knew what she was doing and I tried to keep myself in check. I'm naturally a flirt, sorry it's just me. I know hat it was wrong so I didn't go any further. Well at the end of the night she wanted me to tell John to call her. So I told Jane (another alias) that "I will force the phone into his face and make him talk". Well that plan almost worked, one flaw. John likes his friends close. I don't like to cause a confrontation. So I pulled him aside and showed him her phone number. Hold on I'm going too far. We went to Hastings with his friends in tow, and like I said I don't like to cause confrontation. So we went to the anime section, (the secret is out, Lol. I like anime) and I felt my pocket vibrate. I pulled out my phone, didn't recognize the number so I answered it. It was Jane's brother, John II. He told me to call Jane, so I did. Stupid fucking me. She was crying and begging for John, pisting me the fuck off. This brings us up; I showed John the number on my phone. He didn't recognize it at first, but once he did he rejected my phone like I was holding the bubonic plague. He said that she pissed him the fuck off too, wow sounds like a pattern. He also said later, "I do not ant her anymore! Why doesn't she understand?" Well that's what I said to her, she didn't take it well. After talking to her and hearing her cry I finally was able to calm the bitch down. (You'll understand why I'm angry at her in a little bit) So I went home called her again and talked to her till about 6. You have to understand that after talking to her this late both night's I was unable to get any sleep. I work from 8 to 5 sometimes later, so if I don't get enough sleep my body shuts down. I mean this literally, if I get no more than 4 hours of sleep my body will stay asleep and ignore all alarms till I get a full 8. This is funny because the Air Force is going to give me my full 8, hell they'll make me sleep my full 8. So anyways, I'm late for the second time, second strike. Now I work with my father which has two advantages. 1. I MUST work the hardest, which means that if, for any reason, the Air Force rejects me I'll be promoted to manager. Yay, manager for a bunch of fucking immature dumb shits, that's exactly what I want. (Sorry, Henry and Lora aren't dumb shits) 2. I will get fired first. No matter what. And my dad can take the battle home and yell at me there. Yay for me. So this is my second strike, one more late night and that's it for me. So the next night I ignore my phone and my computer and sleep a full 11 hours, damn that felt good. Lol. Well the next night, Friday night, she started to Instant Message me about how she wanted to kill herself. I don't fuck with that shit. Not even close. This is what makes me so made at her. Here this is a sample of our conversation that night:[20:59] undergroundnazic: o.o Matthew's phone up... I just tried calling, but he didn't pick up. [20:59] undergroundnazic: -_-;[21:03] *** "undergroundnazic" signed off at Thu Nov 16 21:03:17 2006.[21:25] undergroundnazic: I'm gonna kill myself... I can't take this anymore. [21:26] undergroundnazic: I'm hurting too bad...[21:27] undergroundnazic: I'm sorry that I'm so weak...[21:27] undergroundnazic: But I can't take this pain anymore...[21:27] KvasirS: Dude chil out what is so bad that you want to cammit suicide[21:28] undergroundnazic: Can't breathe...[21:28] KvasirS: Asma[21:28] KvasirS: ?[21:29] undergroundnazic: Tell Matthew I loved him...[21:29] undergroundnazic: And I wanted to apologize for everything. [21:29] undergroundnazic: I can't take this anymore...[21:29] undergroundnazic: I'm not strong[21:30] undergroundnazic: Oh god... It hurts... I'm actually hurting physically too. [21:30] KvasirS: Tell him yourself dude seriousely. Everyone goes through shit you just suck it up and go on. And it could be you rag for the other stuff.[21:31] undergroundnazic: I can't tell him![21:31] undergroundnazic: He won't pick up! [21:31] undergroundnazic: He won't respond![21:31] undergroundnazic: He won't care![21:31] undergroundnazic: I've just tried...[21:31] undergroundnazic: I'm done...[21:31] undergroundnazic: Even with this life...[21:31] undergroundnazic: I'm not strong.[21:31] undergroundnazic: At all...[21:31] undergroundnazic: I can't reach him...[21:32] KvasirS: Theres a reason. for dude your the one always complaining. I have a lot of shit in my life but you don't see me complaining or being all pshyco.[21:33] undergroundnazic: Doesn't matter now...[21:33] undergroundnazic: I'm going...[21:33] undergroundnazic: Bye...[21:33] undergroundnazic: He can find someone else.[21:34] KvasirS: Thats true and he probaly will since you guys ARE NOT GOING OUT ANYMORE![21:34] undergroundnazic: i loved hime...[21:35] undergroundnazic: ohj well..[21:35] KvasirS: Don't talk the talk if your not going to walk the walk[21:35] undergroundnazic: he can't even take a paoligy...[21:35] undergroundnazic: I am...[21:35] undergroundnazic: I have a cord aroundmy neck right now...[21:35] KvasirS: Good multitasker[21:36] KvasirS: typeing and suicide[21:36] undergroundnazic: I'm blocking my door so npone can see... [21:37] undergroundnazic: i'm gonna go and do my thing, now... i' sorry...[21:37] KvasirS: Yeah right do it bathroom so no one has to kleen up after you.[21:37] undergroundnazic: i'm not that girl you met... im someone else... i'm hurting so badle... i loved him... [21:37] undergroundnazic: why hate? ... i'm doing it here...[21:37] undergroundnazic: in my room...[21:38] undergroundnazic: i'm hurting so badly...[21:38] undergroundnazic: i'm sorry.[21:39] KvasirS: Because you just sit there and think about your self and not otheres. What about Matt he's not in his room doing this because he's not self absored.[21:39] undergroundnazic: i thougt about others... i did...[21:39] undergroundnazic: but... i'm huritng so bad...[21:39] undergroundnazic: what do I do?[21:40] undergroundnazic: i just wanted ot say i'm sorry to him...[21:40] undergroundnazic: for everything i've done...[21:40] undergroundnazic: i've been worrying everday abut him..[21:41] undergroundnazic: i've been talking to my mom about my dad cheating on her... i care for her so much...[21:41] undergroundnazic: I love all my friends...[21:41] undergroundnazic: but, i don't have the will to live...[21:41] undergroundnazic: I have't for a while..[21:41] KvasirS: Thats what it is you know your just so preocupied about what your filling bs you don't think about otheres. Just move on and don't tell guys about your crazyness cause no way will any guy take that shit.[21:41] undergroundnazic: ...[21:41] undergroundnazic: please stop being cruel..[21:41] undergroundnazic: i know you hate me...[21:41] undergroundnazic: but please...[21:42] undergroundnazic: i love him so much...[21:42] undergroundnazic: i'm sorry you hate me. [21:43] KvasirS: Dude my uncle commited sicide he didn't talk about it he just did it. People who are seriouse don't discuss they take action[21:43] undergroundnazic: sorry... [21:44] undergroundnazic: i'm sortof scared... that once i arrive to where i need to be.. poeple will hate me... i think... i'll get help... so... i'm not "crazy" ... i'm sorry... i'm weak...[21:44] undergroundnazic: please don;t hate me. [21:45] undergroundnazic: i'm not all talk... i'm just hurting.. [21:45] undergroundnazic: what do i do?[21:45] KvasirS: Go out and do things for other people. Don't talk about this stuff anymore and you'll fill better because it fills good to help people and do things that don't benifit you or revalve around you.[21:46] undergroundnazic: it's fine...[21:46] undergroundnazic: i hope you didn't contact matthew... i rather leave him out of this...[21:46] KvasirS: What do you mean what was your desition?[21:47] undergroundnazic: what do you mean?[21:48] KvasirS: Are you chilling out and growing a brain or are you being a wimp and takeing the short cut out?[21:48] undergroundnazic: i've decided... to get some help... that's all. please, for the sake of letting matthew think a little and keep space from me... don't contact him abotu me...[21:48] undergroundnazic: I messeged him, saying i wrote him a letter-type of thing to apolgize about my actions towards him...[21:49] undergroundnazic: and that i'm not feeling well... i've been bleeding out my bellyboutton for some odd reason, lately. [21:49] undergroundnazic: anyways... please don't contact him..[21:49] undergroundnazic: tomorrow I'll go and get a therapist. [21:49] KvasirS: Your a couered. [21:49] undergroundnazic: why?[21:50] undergroundnazic: i know i'll hurt others...[21:50] KvasirS: Cause you were just seeking aention from me you never had any real intention you just wanted my simpathy.[21:50] undergroundnazic: i thought of my mom when you said i was being selfish... if i left her... she wouldn't have anyone to talk to about my father... [21:50] undergroundnazic: no...[21:50] undergroundnazic: i wanted to..[21:51] undergroundnazic: that's why i contacted you...[21:51] undergroundnazic: i wanted to end it..[21:51] undergroundnazic: i was getting pressure in my head...[21:51] undergroundnazic: my stomach was churning...[21:51] undergroundnazic: i was being sufficated.[21:51] undergroundnazic: my chest hurt...[21:51] KvasirS: Ither its flu or asma cause i just bitch.[21:52] KvasirS: see bitch[21:52] undergroundnazic: see bitch?[21:52] undergroundnazic: i don't know..[21:52] undergroundnazic: it could be flu...[21:52] undergroundnazic: that's possible...[21:52] undergroundnazic: but for some reason i'm bleeding out my bellybutton...[21:52] undergroundnazic: literally. [21:53] KvasirS: Stop picking it. [21:53] undergroundnazic: I'm not..[21:53] undergroundnazic: it was bleeding earlier...[21:53] undergroundnazic: still is. [21:53] undergroundnazic: i don't know why.[21:53] KvasirS: Well your just a freak then hugh[21:54] undergroundnazic: no... my surgery intesions could be open on the bellybutton..[21:54] undergroundnazic: why do you hate me now?[21:55] KvasirS: I'm Matts friend not yours.[21:55] undergroundnazic: sorry...[21:55] undergroundnazic: sorry to have bothered you..[21:55] undergroundnazic: (frowns)[21:57] undergroundnazic: i hope he contacts me later.... not tomorrow, not the next.. but later...[21:57] undergroundnazic: when he's ready. [21:57] undergroundnazic: i have my apology written out for him. [21:57] KvasirS: He dosnt want to hes over you.[21:58] undergroundnazic: Please stop...[21:58] undergroundnazic: i know you hate me...[21:58] KvasirS: Then why are you still talkig to me?[21:58] undergroundnazic: because, you were kind to me eariler.[21:59] KvasirS: 'its cause you just want my attention and simpathy. And i get touchy about the topic about suicide i don't play with that.[22:00] undergroundnazic: For the last few months, I've been thinking about suicide... It plays over my head a few times a week... I don't know what to do bout it. [22:00] undergroundnazic: Then I get major panic attacks.[22:00] undergroundnazic: which lead to desperate acts by choking myself... i'm scared of it.[22:01] undergroundnazic: I didn't want your attention or sympathy... I just needed a friend to talk to... I'm sorry...[22:01] KvasirS: Shut up and stop being a kidd It sjust a break up youll live he did.[22:01] undergroundnazic: No..[22:01] undergroundnazic: I'm not talking about that.[22:01] undergroundnazic: Please stop...[22:02] KvasirS: Just shut up or put up Cause all I hear is bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch[22:03] undergroundnazic: ... okay... thisis why i'm scared to reach out...[22:03] KvasirS: You chose the rong person so yeah I have a life unlike you so i'm out.[22:04] undergroundnazic: I'm sorry...[22:04] undergroundnazic: please forgive me.[22:05] undergroundnazic: anyways, i'll continue to wait for him... sorry to have bothered you... i'm scred to reach out...[22:05] undergroundnazic: thanks for helping the way you did for a while. [22:05] undergroundnazic: you were kind. Session Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:05:59 2006 Session Start (KvasirS:undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:12:35 2006[22:12] undergroundnazic: kyle... can you call me? ... i'll be okay if all you do is yell at me or whatnot... like you said, you[22:13] undergroundnazic: re matthew's friend... you can hate me since i'm not him and all...Session Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:13:38 2006 Session Start (KvasirS:undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:13:41 2006[22:13] undergroundnazic: oh...[22:13] *** Auto-response sent to undergroundnazic: I'm taking a showerSession Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:14:30 2006 Session Start (KvasirS:undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:15:02 2006[22:15] undergroundnazic: please call... when you're done. I'm sorry about my 'bitchy' emotional ordeal. i still want to be your friend...[22:15] *** Auto-response sent to undergroundnazic: I'm taking a showerSession Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:17:56 2006 Session Start (KvasirS:undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:31:39 2006[22:31] undergroundnazic: Well, tehn have a good night. Sorry about the panic attack... I really hoped you would call, but I need to face reality and realize that I stated some inapropiate(sp) things because of the panic attack. I apologize for it... I'm not bitching, I'm clming down and noticing what's happening around me. I did wrong to contact you with being so upset and over the top, that was horrible of me. [22:31] *** Auto-response sent to undergroundnazic: I'm taking a shower, then I'm going to bed [22:37] KvasirS: next time don't be a fucking coward and do it, if you really think that killing yourself is the only way out, then do it. If your not going to do it then shut the fuck up and keep all those fucked up, nonsence bull-shit to yourself. It[22:37] KvasirS: is fucked up that you think it's the only way outSession Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:37:26 2006 Session Start (KvasirS:undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:45:18 2006[22:45] undergroundnazic: Sorry..[22:45] *** Auto-response sent to undergroundnazic: I'm taking a shower, then I'm going to bed [22:45] undergroundnazic: I feel horrible...[22:46] undergroundnazic: I'm sorry to get you upset.[22:47] undergroundnazic: do I need to shut up when I'm upset, then?[22:47] undergroundnazic: You there?[22:53] undergroundnazic: >.> Well... I still apologize for my actions. If you accept the apology, then I'll be grateful. I hate my panic attacks, I really do.. They make me do stupid shit... Emotional, stupid shit... So, havea good night. Session Close (undergroundnazic): Thu Nov 16 22:56:39 2006 Now I understand if you don't want to read it all, it's her real sn, and my real sn. Pleas don't IM me though, I get enough of that shit from 7chan, don't ask. This is raw information that I hope, to fucking god, they both see. I want them to see how stupid they've been acting. So anyways after all that shit I get another IM from her today, Sunday. Fuck me in the ass!! In this one I stuck up for John, (Hell if you read the log you know that it's matt) I put my ass out for matt and had his back to the end. Well, that blew up in my face when he called her and caved. I don't know exactly what they talked about but apparently he's been hurting, and she's moving down here. I can't wait to go to basic. I am never returning to this stupid immature shit. Lol, I'm not sure what I was ranting about; give me a sec…..Oh yeah. Now I remember. So I had this dog's back, but like a bitch he bends over and takes it from her. I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with them, but I know for a damn sure I'm dealing with those two fucks again. "If you're a scared mother fucker go to church, if you gutter mother fucker do your dirt, if you a down mother fucker put in work, if you a crazy mother fucker go bezerk." Well I went bezerk so I guess that's all for. I'm tired and I have to go to work tomorrow. I'm glad that I was able to get this out and vent a little. I don't feel bad for the two people that I hurt; I'm just trying to get a point across. Well, thanks for reading, if you didn't then I hate you, Lol, nah but thanks if you did. OH yeah, and if you get a chance I'm going to post a part two to this, it'll only be available to those that read it on my sight. Sorry, but those are the rules. Lol, Well thanks for your time and good night. Ralf Out!!




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