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I'm Still Terrified When He's Near Me (true story)

Short story By: crzyanglcassie14

This is something really difficult for me to post, and I am really throwing myself out there. But I really hope it helps with other people. It's about sexual assault. A lot of people focus on rape and forget about sexual assault, but this kind of shows that sexual assault is something important too, that also harms and scares people to death. Please, please read!!

Submitted:Apr 13, 2009    Reads: 2,823    Comments: 11    Likes: 3   

I don't really know where to start. I guess I'll start with I am 15 years old, and I was sexually assaulted at a public swimming pool two years ago. I knew the guy a little bit because he knew my best friend and had went to her birthday party which I had attended also. He is either 17 or 18 right now, and I still see him watching me. Well, my pool wasn't ready yet so that summer I spent a lot of my time at the public swimming pool. I thought nothing of him at first. I just thought he was fooling around. Then, he started holding me in weird positions against his body. Like a front piggy back if you know what I mean. He never raped me but he touched me, and I didn't like it. My friends tried to help me. Grabbing my hands to get me away. The lifeguards just thought we were kidding around. He was really strong and really muscular, and I don't have much muscle. It wasn't much for him to hold me and not let me go. If I did get away some how, he would grab my feet and pull me back to him. He would dunk me several times, and I remember a couple times my lips would touch something. When I got above the water I asked him what my lips had touched. He wouldn't tell me, but later on my best friend was watching and told me that he was kissing me underwater. I didn't know what a kiss was like. I had never kissed a guy. He pinned me against the wall once I think. I'm not sure if it was more than once. He held me underwater until I stopped moving. I remember being underwater and wondering what it would feel like if I drowned. I knew I didn't have any breath left. So I stopped moving. I thought it was over. I don't know what happened but he brought me back above the water, and than he told me that I needed to learn to hold my breath better. My best friend had to leave, but I loved swimming so I stayed because my other friends were there too. I guess I should say that I did have a boyfriend too. Of a year and a half. When we were walking out of the pool he was standing beside me and I said everyone thinks we are dating. He said "Well, it kind of seems like we are." I freaked out and was walking home. Thankfully he had turned the opposite way to go to his home. I was crying. I stopped at my friends house that had had to leave before I did. She was really worried about me, she had told me. She didn't want to leave but she had to. She was scared about what he would do. I told her and I was really really upset. She told me that I had to tell my mom. She walked home with me, and somehow I got the courage up to tell my mom what had happened. The next day she made me go tell the lifeguards. They did nothing besides say that they would keep an eye out, and that I should have said something yesterday, and they would have been able to do something more. I think they should have been more sympathetic about it, but I'm ok now so I guess it is ok. I went to the pool again that day with the same friend, and her mom. He kept watching and watching me. Stalking me basically. I told him that he had to stay away from me. That I had told the lifeguards. He would swim underwater and skim my legs. I talked to the lifeguard again, and he eventually laid off, but he still watched me. He was in the high school with my best friend so he would ask her, "How is your little friend doing." He asked my other friends where I lived. They wouldn't tell him. He told my best friend that he had a lot of fun with me and would like to do it again. Well this year I'm a freshman in high school. And he hangs out with some of my circle of friends. Not the friends that I talk to. Every time I see him or he comes near me I freak out. He's come behind me and hugged me. My friend was standing in front of me and told me afterwards that my facial expression had completely changed. In the beginning of the year he told me that I looked familiar but he didn't remember where he knew me from. A couple weeks ago he remembered and told me that I was from my friends birthday party but he didn't say anything else. To this day I see him hanging out with other younger girls that were just like me. Not realizing that it was wrong, and not realizing what would happen. To this day I see him watching me, and I know he remembers what he did. I hate him so much, and I'm still terrified of him. I hate the public pool now, and don't go there unless I am with a friend. I am doing ok now, I still freak out when he is near me or anything or in the same room. I don't have many flashbacks. I am strong, and know I can deal with it. I wish I had realized sooner that it was wrong. I said no and everything but I thought he thought that I was joking. That maybe he was joking but I know he wasn't. I hate his younger brother, because he had pinned me on the couch and hit me before. This guy had pinned me under a mattress and everything. I guess it runs in the family. I can't wait until he graduates and leaves me alone. I still sometimes think that I should have said something. It's too late now. I hope that the girls that he harasses now get the courage to stand up for themselves. I don't want them to have to feel like I do about this.

~I'm posting this because you see all the time that people just focus on rape, not sexual assault. It makes people feel like sexual assault doesn't mean anything, but it does. People need to realize more that it is wrong. That we need to stand up for it. Don't make the mistake I did. Tell if it ever happens to you. Tell as soon as it happens. Don't let him keep taking advantage of your innocence. You will never get over the fact. To this day I still have those days that I feel it is my fault, and no one else should have to feel this way. Thankyou everyone. For reading. It wasn't easy for me to write. But I really hope it helps people out there. Girls and boys! This thing doesn't only happen to girls you know. Guys need some support too. I'm there for everyone. If you ever need to talk tell me! Thanks again! ~


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