I woke up, frighten of what was going on. I didn’t know what to do. I heard my parent’s constant yelling and argument just outside my room. My head was aching, and I felt sad. Time after time my parents promised to never fight again, and here they were.
My heart ached, lie after lie, I put it inside me, no matter how much I was hurt, I’d keep it to myself. But I’ve had enough; I’m sick of being shoved around and toyed with. I was sick of being the person people complained to. Being the person being complained about and compared to other people my parents didn’t even know.
~The day of the funeral~
I didn’t know what was going on; I just knew that my parents are depressed, and I was being moved. I saw various things of once used to be, my friends, my family. It finally hit me of what I’ve just done. I carved a hole inside everyone I loved. Whether I made a big impact or not, everyone who I’ve talked to, shared fun memories with, they were all damaged. I couldn’t take back what I just did. I cried, for the first and last time, for I knew sooner or later I’d go get my judgment. Even a few minutes later, I was still not going anywhere, I just walked in darkness.
Finally, a person, who I thought as was God, came down, and asked,” Would you like a second chance?” I thought long and hard about this. “If you’d please, Father, I would like one. But will you please give it to me?” “Of course, but here’s the deal for your second chance: you will have to choose 5 people to notice you in 5 days, which have no memory of you. 2nd you are transparent, they may or may not see you. If you complete this task within the 5 days or on the 5th day, then you shall receive your old life back.” He had a serious face on. But, I smiled and whispered,” Thank you Father, I will make the best of my second chance.”
In an instant, I was back to Earth. I didn’t know who to begin with, so I thought I should start with family. I was placed at the park near home, so it didn’t take me long to walk home. One, thing was good about being half invisible and half human, was I didn’t have to climb the fence or bang on the door to get inside the house. I walked through the gate, two doors, was back to where I had a place, my room. I couldn’t help but cry. I was a quitter. I let my family and friend’s down, but they won’t be suffering right now, because they’ve forgotten me. I stopped thinking about what I’ve already did and looked around the room. From how the room was decorated, my old room had been turned into a Guest room.
I had to think fast, time was being lost; I started to think about whom in my family to visit first. I wanted to start simple. So, I walked out of my room and towards my dog, Mimi. I knew this would never work, but I had to try, to make sure this whole thing wasn’t just a joke. I stood in front of Mimi and waved. Though she walked around me, my arms dropped, and I curled where I stood. As soon as I was going to give up hope, Mimi turned around and started to lick me like she used to. I couldn’t help but smile. Maybe Mimi wasn’t as dumb as I thought she was.
I thought about trying my parents to remember me, but that’d only make them remember what’ve done and be sad all over again. I didn’t want them to be sad, again. And it wouldn’t mean much; they’d just use me again, as their tool/toy. Now, I decided to try on my friends. I walked to school, seeing how my friend’s were the same, everyone’s happy and there was still drama everywhere. I looked around for an empty spot to sit. I kept turning back and forth, watching my old friend’s past by me, like I was nothing. Of course, they’d treat me like that, they can’t even see me! I got up, and tried though, I tried talking to Jackie Espinoza, aka, Kitty, but it was useless. Maybe, my brother’s friends would see me. It wouldn’t hurt to try.
When I finally arrived, I saw that they were still practicing martial arts. Even though time was running out, I took a seat and watched them practice. It was so very weird to me, because it’s not Vovinam, and the movements are different. I liked how some actually put effort and others are just like what? I wondered, if any of them could see me. I then told myself I shouldn’t waste any more time; I walked towards my brother’s friends, tapped their shoulder, waved hysterically, and shouted their names. When I finally got someone’s attention, he panicked, and I would, too. So I walked away from the school, back home. I should’ve waited for my dad to come pick up my brother, but, I needed to get things straight.
What to do, what to do, lying in my bed, I started to think about, who I really was. I was, a daughter, a friend, a classmate, umm, sister, best friend, and a friend’s little sister. I was a happy person, wasn’t I? If I was then, why did I give up so easily? Why do I feel so, sad and hollow now and then? Why does it feel like no one’s a friend, no one is to trust, no one that would understand. Maybe, this is just a part of me, that I hid, and it just wanted to come out. I couldn’t rely on anyone. I should stop, and give up already. I fell asleep, in my old bedroom. Waking up, it was already the fourth day. How did this happen? I have no idea. But I didn’t care. It’s too late; everyone’s turn their back on me. What would happen to me? Who knows who cares? All I did was stall, and run away of my fate.
I won’t run anymore, I won’t be afraid anymore. The only thing left to do, before everyone remembers I’m dead, was a good bye I didn’t say. I walked to my school yet again. I stood with my true friend, Jackie Espinoza, Jackie Estrada, Jackie Romero, Anel, Alma, Amphone, Amina, and Brooke. Most of them understood my other self, not just my happy self. It was useless, but I hugged each of them tightly, and whispered, “You guys are the best of friends I could ever had. I’m sorry, Goodbye.” Next stop was to my other group of friends, Max, Sarika, Noelle, and Lalita. I told them, each a different good bye, either thanks for being there, best friends even when I’m gone.:) I smiled at everyone before I left school grounds for good.
I went to my brother’s school, gave people I knew, a good bye speech, and waved good bye. I actually knew quite a lot of Loc’s friends. I said good bye to Anh Nguyen, my buddy, and the first person to understand what I feel. Thien, my May buddy, and a best friend to me, who I could talk to about almost anything. There were a few others, but I was suddenly at Vovinam with my martial arts friends/family. Finally, I went to my last group of friends, it was my Vovinam family. I walked towards my old group I’d mostly be in if I wasn’t being emotional or anything. Tran, Caotan, Vinh, and Loc were there, laughing and joking around, talking about the weirdest things. I didn’t want to make myself cry for no reason again, so I just sat next to each of them, and whispered them my last farewell.
I was back in the pitch black room. I didn't feel like wandering around like I did before, I sat down, and started to remember my past, the memories flowing across my mind, like a movie.. Being with my friends and families, playing it over and over again. Ihad the sinking feeling, of being so shallow and vacant inside, these memories that meant so much, but now, means so little? What's going on? What's wrong with me? Was this a sign of me fading away from the world for good? I waited for someone, anyone.. To just talk to, to tell me it'll be alright in this darkness. No one..
I’m sorry I can’t be like Tran, or your friend’s daughter. I’m sorry to be your daughter, your sister, and your friend. I can be better than this. I’m sorry that I can’t control what I’m feeling, or why it’s suddenly showing up now. I actually gave up on most of the time in these nightmares, just said no to everything. I didn’t care about seeing my friend’s again. I feel weak, letting my wrongs and bad memories take over me. I wish someone would take the lead, and show me the way. But that won’t happen, all the people I wanted to do that, turned out to want to betray and hurt me the more, without even freaking realizing what the fuck they’re doing to me. I'm not perfect. I'm sick of drama, if you start it, or make it worse, doesn't mean you've dragged yourself into it?.. I hate liars; don't say what you don't mean. I have problems. Every time Ihave this dream, the ending and people Ivisit changes.. The beginning changes now and then as well.