He's in church right now- a Catholic church, which is funny considering he's not even Catholic. But he is there and he is praying (most likely for us) and he is singing and loving God in a way I never thought was possible in a man. He is there for God, for him, and for me. He is standing, kneeling, sitting, responding without my help this time. I know he is leaving an empty seat next to him, to imagine I am there. I told him that is what I do and he liked the idea. I told him that Mass would be a sort of connection for us. We would read the same readings, hear the same Gospel, and witness the same miracle. He liked the idea, because it would be another much-needed connection, but then I think he saw it. He understood. I know this because he called me and asked me to tell him everything about Catholicism. Everything. He asked me to peer into the nine years of Catholic schooling, six months of Confirmation classes, four years of Lifeteen, and a lifetime with God and tell him exactly what I believed. He wanted to know what was so special. So, I told him. I told him everything and he understood.
He holds up the mirror sometimes and sometimes I don't like what I see.
He'll tell me that I shouldn't go to parties where I will be tempted and he tells me it out of love. I ignore my voicemails.
He prays with me nights when I fall asleep. We read the Bible together and the book of Job has taught me so much. When I want to whine and vent and rant about how awful my week is, he tells me to give it up to God, to pray about it and I hate that he is the one giving me advice. He wants to take care of me and see me in Heaven and I illogically fight. He's good about not letting me win. He is stronger than he knows.
He went to a club and told me that he didn't like it because it felt so unholy. He heard the lyrics in the music and couldn't recognize God, so he left. He says the music isn't right and I ignore my voicemails. I tell him about people here and he says I shouldn't judge. I complain about my classes and he reminds me of the blessings of an education. I don't want to pray but he tells me not to neglect God when I need Him most. I feel empty and alone and he says that God is everywhere. I become angry and he gives me a peace he's got from God. I criticize and he makes me love.
All this time I thought I was bringing him to God, but in reality, it has been him who has been bringing God to me and us to God. I can't wait to be with him in Heaven.
* * *
Love is like that, you can see how it affects people, not what it is.You can't spot it in a movie, read it in a book, or hear it in a song (it's bigger than that; those things are too confining). We catch glimpses of it in each other- the way our faces light up around each other, the purity and truth in our declarations, the privacy in our late-night whispers, the laughter in our footsteps, and the sunshine pouring from our interlaced fingertips.
I wanted to say that our love and relationship are just like gravity, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were differences. Unlike our love, gravity is all about weight. When we come together we defy the laws of gravity. Our love doesn't keep us grounded.