About eleven years ago I was raped at my friend's party. This has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was seventeen at the time and decided to bring my cousin with me to make sure nothing happened to me. I guess this was the first mistake that I made. I thought I could trust him to prevent me from getting hurt or taken advantage of. I went to my friend's party for the first time I really was never into going to parties. I was always scared something was going to happen to me. I guess I was right. I tell myself over and over in my head if only I would have never gone to that stupid party. Well anyway I decided to dance and have some fun. I was dancing for awhile and remembered I was getting tired so I sat down at a table. My cousin saw me and asked "Are you okay do you want something to drink?" I said "Sure go ahead and get me something to drink I am really thirsty." He returned with a drink and I drank the whole thing. I wanted to go back out and dance some more so I stood up and went to the dance floor to have some more fun. I was okay for a little bit but then I started to feel real dizzy and tired. I asked my friend if I could go to her room to lie down in her bed. She said sure no problem just make sure you do not throw up on the carpet. I went to the bathroom to get myself a drink of water and felt so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out. I decided that I needed to lie down but could not understand what was happening to me. As soon as I was starting to lie down the door opened up and I saw my cousin enter. I thought "What is her doing here?" Then I realized he was just checking up on me to see if I was okay. Unfortunately I was wrong I did not even think that my cousin would be the one to take advantage of me. He kneeled down on beside the bed and asked if I was okay. I told him no I am not feeling good. He kissed my forehead and told me I hope that you get better. I thought okay this is weird. He then gave me a kiss on the lips and I was shocked he did this since we are cousins and family. I told him "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He said "You have been wanting me to kiss you and been teasing me all night." I told him that he was delusional and to get the hell out. That is when shit pretty much hit the fan. He started to feel me up and started touching me in places. I tried fighting him off but it was like I had no strength and at the time he was stronger. I tried to yell or scream for help but he put his hand over my mouth so no sound would come out. That is when he became nasty and made threats like if you ever tell anyone I will kill you. I believed him I was so scared and felt helpless. He ripped off my clothes and started grabbing my breasts and touching me. While he was doing this I was crying and eventually I passed out. When I woke up I was all alone in the bedroom naked and bleeding since I was a virgin. I screamed bloody murder and that is when my friend came up stairs to see what was going on. She came in the room and saw me how I was and asked me "Who did this to you?" At first I was not going to tell her but then I broke down and told her everything. She wanted me to call the police and tell my parents. I told her no I was afraid of what my cousin would do to me. There is no way I can avoid him since he is family. So after a long time she agreed with me but was against my decision. I told her I will call my parents and say that I will spend the night here and come home tomorrow. My parents trusted me and thought nothing of me spending the night at my friend's house. I eventually received counseling in the later years and help for rape victims. I of course did this secretly since my parents have no clue that I was raped. Still to this day the only people who know that I was raped are my best friends and my husband. I have never told my parents what happened I just do not want to hurt or disappoint them. I found out later on that my cousin gave me a drug in my drink which I believe was the date rape drug. To anyone who ever is a victim of rape. Please notify the police and tell your parents what happened to you. Also remember that this is not your fault and you were a victim you were not asking for it. I would like to add please get counseling it does help and talk about it with other rape victims.