Well I guess the story starts on August 15, 2013. I had started finally my first day of public school, EVER! I've been home schooled forever until now, 7th grade! My family really couldn't handle it anymore because my brother turned out to have dislexia and trouble reading, so me and my sister starting kindergarten, went to public school! I was excited and very nervous because I didn't know anyone there. But thankfully my outgoing personally helped me out a lot. As I entered the school I was definitely amazed, I mean being around people instead of my own bed?? CRAZY!!!! But I fit in. No one knew I was homeschooled until 2nd hour, gym class. Our coach gave us time to shoot some hoops so i did! After a minute or so a girl came up to me and asked my name, I told her, Mae. She introduced herself as Brittney and she asked if I was new this year. And everything was great from there! Turns out we had 3rd hour together too so I was pretty happy! But since she already had friends in that class, she basically ignored me. I sat and watched as she was just 2 seats away and totally ignored me. I eventually did make a friends with a girl named Allie and we we're happy!
A couple weeks passed and finally me and Brittney became better friends! We talked a lot and everyone was happy!!! But then, I must be a little, behind my back, she called me annoying to Allie.. She called me uptight, and I had no idea why...! This was completely out of no where!!! It stayed that was for about a week when I finally spilled to Allie I felt Brittney didn't like me anymore. Well Brittney decides that we are magically friends again and that she didn't say that. Yeah right. But, even though I was still upset with her, I let us get closer. I just knew that she wasn't ever going to be a BFF of mine
Remember that Brittney already had a friend in 3rd hour? Well that girl's name was Sadie. Sadie and Brittney had been BFF's since kindergarten and we're very close. Well me and Sadie were put in a Science group together and became friends. At first I acted as if she was super weird and crazy but I actually loved how entertaining it was. I loved our group! All of our group sat right next to each other in Social Studies as well so those 2 classes became my favorite! We would talk at least twice everyday and became better friends then me and Brittney were. Well then Brittney got jealous. Two of her best friends were getting close and she didn't want us to get closer to each other then we were to her, so she started what I like to called "faking". It was all either or with her, she would either love Sadie and ignore me one day, then love me and ignore Sadie. She was so confusing and it just made me dislike her even more...
Even through Brittney's faking, Sadie and I were still friends. In fact we grew closer. Eventually Katie came and joined our group at lunch with Brittney and Allie and I! Apparently she used to sit with Brittney, but for some reason she had stopped. We all we're good and happy while Brittney just kept on faking. While she did that, me and Sadie just got closer and closer and closer!! We texted and called each other and we had so much in commen!!! Finally my birthday came about and the only people at school who came to my party was Sadie, Allie, and two other girls I was friends with. I didn't want Brittney to come to my party, I knew it wasen't a good idea! I had been telling my parent's of all the troubles with her and they definitely agreed with me. We had such a fun time at the party, school friends and homeschool friends together, it was crazy fun!!!! Sadie and I kept hanging out after that, and we decided that we we're best friends! She taught me so many things as soon as I got my Instagram and Facebook for turning 13 and she told me she trusted me more than any other person. I was frankly flattered and told her I felt the same way!
Here's when the real drama starts. You see earlier this year, in fact the reason Sadie wasen't at the table is because the group had rejected her. She had started hanging out with some people labeled emo and they rejected her as an emo kid. It seemed so mean but that's just how middle school is... Her own best friend wasen't there for her as she had to sit alone at nerdy tables cause everyone rejected her. I found this out and decided to ask Brittney about it. She said that the reason she wasen't there for Sadie is that she was being mentally abused at home.. Her mother screams at her and hits her, and it was very bad at the same time as Katie's problem. I felt bad for Brittney and we we're friends again until today. But I shouldn't skip ahead! So Sadie and Brittney, they have had fights for long enough that Sadie just gave up. She told Brittney that they shouldn't be friends anymore and that she had found a new better friend, me. She told her that even though she had just met me this year, I and been a better friend then she was because I didn't care what other people labeled me as for hanging out with her. This was a few weeks ago and me and Sadie won't let anything imbetween our friendship. Brittney decided to tell the WHOLE GROUP about her problems and that lunch everyone came up to Sadie and was asking if she hated them!!! We immediately knew it was Brittney spreading rumors about her. We then decided to sit else where with our good friend Hailey. Since then I've become closer to Sadie and she started talking about her depression. It was getting the best of her and I told her that I would always be there for her when she needs me, that I'll be there for her. Then today, March 14, 2013, she sent me this text:
I've improved , but still , I've never shown anyone these cuts and scars. . . I'm sorry... its just I'm struggling . . . 😓 October is when I got kicked out of the group when all the rumors and hate started . . . and I was bullied since then . . . and the bullying is still happening up to this day . January is when Hannah started changing and a bunch of stress and depression, and also bullying was going on . . . That's why I never wear shorts or any short pants . . . No worries its improved a little bit 😌😒 . . . I starting cutting since last year , because last year a lot of people hated me , they called me a//: slut, whore, ugly, bitch, stupid, hoe, gay, bi, dumb, retarded, skinny, even fat, gross, a freak and even worse . . . "anorexic". . . 😞 I even got made fun for being "me" . . . Then this year I told Brittney that I cut ...in the beginning of the year (when I thought we were super close and good friends) she was super surprised , I guess she was stressed because of the thought that I cut myself . One day at lunch Brittney had a total breakdown and started crying over an ice cream (aka over me) Brittney was the only one who knew about my cutting . Then Mahi was starting to get onto me . . . so I told her that Brittney only cried because of me , Mahi asked me why I said because I'm emo . Mahi was extremely surprised , after that day Mahi kicked me out of the group . Mahi judged me before I could explain , and instantly spread the rumor throughout the school . Everyone hated me , and I was alone , I had no where to sit , no where to go , no where to be . . . people even bullied me more , which made things worse . . . This all happened on the week of my birthday . . . On my birthday , I was alone , I had no one , absolutely no one , I got super depressed that day , and I tried . . . . . . . To Kill Myself🔫🔪💊💉. . . . . . . but my mom knew what was going on (she didn't know that I was cutting) my mom was scared and worried about me because I cried every night and I was explaining what was happening . So she took me to the hospital . I stayed there for 5 days , (my actual birthday was on a Friday just letting you know) so I ended up missing school for 2 days , I didn't want to go back because I knew I was going to be judged , and was going to be made fun of there . Brittney left me because of everything above and because she didn't want to be judged for hanging with me or even being seen with me . She claimed that she preyed for me but she lied , she left me and refused to come back , a true friend would never leave , even in the worst times or when someone is close to dying . She left . The only time we ever talked during the "great depression time" was on the phone , through texting . She acted like my friend but she wasn't , she was finding out information to share with others . But when she left me I realized something , she wasn't just a fake friend , she used me and broke me many times , she's bullied me , she's even put me through hell ! I realized she isn't my real friend , and that she only used me . It hurt , a lot . . . but later on I started talking to you Mae and we became super close , we had a lot in common and we were both super interested into the same stuff and we were both weird 😊 I could tell you anything , and I realized that you are my true friend . You haven't left me since day 1 ! 😀 I hope you'll feel the same way after this . . . I'm sorry about everything tho 😞 putting you through this drama and chaos 😓 Ever since then I started pushing Brittney away , because she hurt me badly , I will never forget that , so I started ignoring Brittney and avoiding her , so my memories and feelings for her wouldn't come back . But every day I always think of her , deep inside my heart there's a little bit of her left that won't go away , she had me in her hands for so long I developed feelings and love for her , like a sister , and it won't go away as much I try to make it go . It hurts knowing that . I get hurt even more when I see her with you , my feelings all come back , and I wanna cry , because my thoughts start building up with anxiety wandering if Brittney is trying to take you away or is telling you lies . I get so worried . That's why I avoid her . I'm afraid she'll take everything away from me , everything , even something that means the most to me , something that lies deep within me , deep with my heart , and that something is YOU . That's why I keep you close to me , I'm always terrified of what she could do to you or me or anyone that is within me 😞 . She is always trying to pull you away from me so I can be alone . It breaks my heart to see her with you 😞😞 . It's super depressing and it's all coming back . I don't want it again , I don't want this all to happen again ! Please Mae don't leave me or run away ! Your all that I have left within me , because everything within me is cracked and shattered to pieces because of her . Please Mae don't ever leave me ! 😞😞😞 Don't leave me ! 😞 Mae . Please don't go . I don't want you to leave me ! Your the only one I can actually trust , I feel I can tell you everything . If you ever do actually leave me I'll probably die 😰 and be finished with everything , your like the only person that keeps me living and alive , your like my heart Mae , and without you I'd be unable to even survive . 😖 You Are My One And Only True Friend , That's Something I Will Never Forget . I hope you never forget that also😮 . I really do trust you , that's why I'm telling you all of this , this is my true, full, and real story . Welcome To My Life . . . ❤ 💔 . . .
This text has changed my life completely. I believe I didn't start school for any reason, it was to save a LIFE. I had no idea about these events, it all seemed so normal! But here's how I replied:
Sadie you are the most amazing person I've ever met! Even though you had to go through all of this, cutting, death, Brittney, and everything.... You stay'd strong and made it through!!!!! I respect that way more than you'll ever know...! I definitely believe that if anyone could make it through all of this pain and heartbreak... It's YOU. Because you truly are titanium. Sadie Smith, you are my bestest friend and I couldn't ask for anymore.... Thank you :)
So here I am now. Typing this all down.i believe in Sadie more then anyone else I know that she is so amazing for handling all this!!! So I tell you, DON'T LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS. You mighty not know why they're gone!! Help someone please they need you in their life and you need them.... I find Sadie so inspiring and motivation to write all that out. Please believ in yourself and friends because God will help you no matter what!!!!!!!!!!
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