" WINTER GAMES "
As so many of you noticed " Zap Tales" are metamorphosing into "Prison Tales". To begin with my memories of when I walked amongst you are evaporating as fast as a pot smoking alzheimers patient. Then there are only so many drunk monkeys to go around in ones lifetime. So since you enjoy reading them I will continue, which brings us to our next story.
In the " Combination " I mentioned the winters here at Clinton are downright brutal. If you go out at night without a reason I think you should be instantly drug tested.
On a normal night (1) I work out to stay in some kind of shape and just to keep my blood flowing. (2) Then I call my comfortable, adult Honey Boo-Boo child wife to hear a caring voice.
Okay so she is getting upset with me for calling her that, but in my defense I don't use drugs, gamble, cheat, pee on the seat, leave the house a mess, AND she knows where I am at night. So she should be able to deal with her pet names.
At any rate many inmates don't work out, which means they are just standing around freezing to death. They don't use the phone, which leads me to believe they were so foul when they were out no one wants to bother with them, or possibly they get their dose of human affection without dealing with the outside world. Now I have not led anything remotely close to a sheltered life and have met my share of gay people before coming to prison and far more while in it. For the most part their just as decent or not so decent, as the straight people I know. They just watch a different kind of porn.
Plus whatever the next man does behind closed door's or cells for that matter really doesn't effect me, so I'm happy their happy. One fateful night I'm waiting on the phone line in the normal minus degree weather and the wind is blowing the snow around in what could only be called white out conditions . Believe it or not this is the only time I wear sunglasses especially at night. No it has nothing to do with the song, but I simply refuse to walk around with those stripes on the side of my head which would make me look like a cross between a mutant skunk and the abominable snowman.
But they cut down on the glare and the amount of frozen ice particals flying in your eyes. Then taking into consideration I'm in prison, I want to see as much around me as possible. While waiting in line I was conscious several people were behind me as I didn't speak to the majority of them so a frozen conversation was out. But as I waited a while, it appeared as though they were just disappearing. To puzzle me further I knew they didn't walk past me, and they couldn't have just retreated to my side, and behind me was a pile of snow some eight feet high and it had to be thirty feet across. A few minutes go by and two more people get behind me in line and seconds later. GONE.
Okay now I know I'm not nuts, well at least not the kind of nuts that you see people that aren't there nuts. But now I am starting to wonder if there is such a thing as Yeti somewhere in the yard grabbing convicts. That was until several minutes later I notice now there's like six people once again behind me. I was about to ask one of them if I was insane or had they been there all along when two C.O.'s come running out of the bubble and jump feet first in the snow bank behind me. So now I think the whole place is going crazy until I clearly heard the snow yell out ! Another C.O. rushes to the back of the pile and reaches into what I thought was just a small hole where the snow had melted, and pulls out an inmate with his pants still down by his ankles ! Just when I thought I had seen everything imaginable in prison. An igloo love nest in prison ! Obviously they were taking the whole " winter wonderland " thing to a whole new level.
At any rate six half naked gay people got dragged out, two or three scooted out of a seperate escape tunnel, and yours truly is watching this unfold wondering if my open minded un-sheltered wife is going to believe this one as god knows there is no holding this story back. Now just seeing a pile of snow has me permanently scarred into thinking of half naked old gay dudes with their pants around their ankles.
God I can't wait for summer...