So I guess you're wondering why I'm doing this, hmm? I guess I need to figure out some things myself. And I guess it's better this way, that you learn from someone like me. A cutter.
The name itself is pretty simple. A cutter is someone who cuts themselves. There's a number of reasons and with those reasons, misconceptions. Some of you probably think that we all want to kill ourselves, and that we're all emo. And I'm telling you, you're wrong.
For some of us, it's a transition from mental/emotional pain to physical pain, through way of razor or knife. I can tell you myself, I don't like pain. And while you look incredulously at the screen, let me explain. You see how I wrote "It's a transition from emotional pain to physical" up there? From personal experience, the sharp pain is only half of it. It's a proven science that endorphins rush though the bloodstream to numb the area, and you get numb yourself. Like Ryoka's The Silver Temptress:
"I don't allow myself to feel anything but the cold of the tempting blade
The stinging cut
The sharp pain
Then the endorphins being released
Making pleasure out of my pain."
So when you're numb, you don't have to think of the real world. You just sit there in a hazy world of pleasure- pain. And of course, if you cut enough, you'll get lightheaded.
Now some of you might wonder if it works… And some of you might say, "Well, there are some people who cut themselves to commit suicide." Hey, guess what? It doesn't always work. The scars might even exist to further your hatred. I know for me, it was a cycle. I would hate myself for being so weak and stupid to depend on my crutch and then I would need to feel the need to cut, or to cry red. Because I couldn't let one real tear drop, or it was the end for me.
That's another reason, actually. It's a punishment for the crimes people make me think I commit. Now, some of you might retaliate, "If you know you don't do them, why do you cut yourself?" And my answer is: I don't think rationally.
Really, do you think, when you're that upset, you're going to behave like your everyday self? I think not. It's sometimes the smallest things that send a person overboard, y'know? And some of you even understand this.
It's perfectly alright if you still think it's fucked up. I'm just providing information from my personal view. If there's anything you think I left out, contact me. By way of comment box. Love you all <3