Karl Plight had a plan and a thought that evening he was diving well beneath his normal slum bars, but of course he stayed in thought of the autonomic mechanism he had so surely come to terms with and become.
First the drugs.
A little M and H to flow right, push the blood to the front of the mind. Cognitive abilities were to come second to peace of mind. It was a good alternative that night, a very good one. So as he swayed on through the faded neon blue lights of the night he made his score from the guy they called "Fag" fag was not his name as a insult or because of his preference in gender, Fag was from Lier, he never stopped smoking and he always looked as if he had a Petri dish of erectile black hairs sticking up from around his mouth he snapped like a quick turtle in mating season the deafening sound of his bite making your ears bleed and your eyes salivate, a stinging weep , your tongue would thicken in your skull bearing in to the top portion of your mouth begging to be ripped from the owners face. Fag had once worked with what would be like our undercover police force but much more … integrated. Fag got hooked and almost never looked back once he caught the ride. It ended with fag throwing himself on the ground and crawling over to his supervisor kissing his hands and fingers begging for forgiveness, thrusting the fingers into his mouth forcing him to feel the back of his toothless gums. Pleading for forgiveness with the promise of keeping sgt. Deputies condoms clean and allowing said officer to use fag at his own personal bade. Children would be captured for the sergeant's desires and used as husks left as empty shells, sacrificed at the will of the sergeant if only fag could remain in his seat. It was said through the street that it didn't end well. Karl approached "How's the night going?" Fag raised an eyebrow in a manner as to say "you… you, if you only knew". "Well… some kind of transvestite came by here a few minutes ago and didn't have the scratch so I kicked her or him… it on its way it came back a few minutes later, asked, or well like demanded again that I give him some stuff, and when I told it, that I don't slap the dick out of its mouth when its working it fucking went and like threw some whiskey in my face.
When I tried to hit it back, well fucking thing went all Tyson on me, took a fucking bite of my face" fag removed what Karl noticed as a bloodied blue paisley rag away from his ear. It looked as if his head had been locked in a metal cage with four hungry savage wolverines and the only way to get there animalistic aggressions out was on fags poor maw, about half of his ear was missing and the skin was ripped to the bone near his jaw line quite a site of splendor for any self serving carnivore I assure you. "Well what do you want?" Karl put a fifty in his hand and Fag reciprocated with a little over a gram of Mescal, after some simple weighing and scraping was done of course, the product was bagged and sold like any other wonderful useless item you could find at your local convenient store, the only difference being the loss of the advertising industries penis being removed from your throat, and the fact that it was sold to you by a man with no teeth, but that gave Karl no pause. Shiny stuff he thought… wonderful, wonderful abalone.
"Well" Karl said and without finishing his sentence, both parted there ways.
So Karl plight found a place to spike it and began his journey from disgust and hatred to the man inside he had a deal to get to with him, not the man from Japan, but his own personal sense of self his "real" ego where his ego walked hand and hand with the pleasure seeking id where they meet at the pinnacle of the White queens great garden and all that was Karl Plight thoughts were allowed to grow free and he felt as "himself" or whatever such lies Karl Plight liked to "feel" to himself because there was no telling only a soft coat of lies that forever felt they would be true, he would tell himself that the "but only for a moment" was the lie, and so at the moment It then therefore became a truth.
Originally the bathroom had made him disgusted; it always seemed wet and almost oily in public bathrooms as if some high powered battery animated animal had just recently relived itself everywhere…
Simultaneously it always seemed to carry an aura of strong sexual connotation to Karl, as if at any moment he was either about to get laid or more likely raped. The White queen would oversee that all this would be looked after. Flesh turns grey he thought the eyes turn black. All that's left is a dry hole, no blood. The flesh turns grey the eyes turn black. Karl nodded an instant and got up. He could see the needle shimmering through the dim greasy four by twelve windows, the needle smelled like what he would say was almost like nail polish with a hint of disinfectant, he needed to stop robbing diabetics. He'd spike and then almost instantly lose fifteen pounds as it dissolved around his legs. Bleeding from the arm holding up his belt Karl staggered forward collapsing on his face as he reached for the help of the metal obelisks the lexicography of painful thought running the whole time.
He was to meet a man that evening that had recently came back from some islands near Japan his friend Taylor had turned him on to but he hadn't met the man yet he went by "Hessi" or some, seemingly similar, lie of bullshit that was claimed as a name. You see the man wasn't even Japanese… Not that he necessarily claimed to be particularly, I guess with the obvious exception of the suggestion and lie. So as was the situation, he found himself clutching his stomach underneath a street lamp, a vulgar sense of recollection hit him as he vomited. That Fucking light!, Just the night before he had been watching people fighting over drug covered children's candy. Others he did not know. Faces that swarm the midnight run, people that would never fully reach any potential on any level… well it didn't matter. They had argued simple semantics, price, amount, quality. Karl hated this city, he hated the drugs, he hated their minds, he hated their voices, their faces their personalities, but most of all he hated the self contradiction these people brought upon him. He was like them in some way. Somewhere down the line he had become like them. It disgusted him in ways he didn't even want to explore. But tonight things were to change tonight it was either this worked or it was to the bridge, the barrel or the blade, the obvious one being a common shaving utensil, "razor" is a common term. He would probably use pills though, but a self massacre sounded better.
A large blood scene in his lowly huddle of place in the center of this endless monstrosity of struggle, "Hasin" was a some sort of strange voodooesk, mystic type, still a pusher; the doctrine of faith was never really made clear. He seemed to be the only one in the cesspool of the common reality that was truly surrounded in some form of like beyond thou presence. As in if you ever were desperate for a hit you realize people are all just people, the fact of how much you can invade, persuade and in general be intermixed with their existence in some way was truly understood. The person saying nothing walking down the streets façade and ego became raw you saw that they were all just animals, or maybe humans whatever you would call it they were no different, truly then yourself. The man was renown in certain circles for helping even the most forgotten, apparently in the chaos of the world he had found something that could help in some un-understood tremendous way. Something apparently in the things he had. Something , in the way he did things he was like a rouge of knowledge, but a rouge that did not share easily, only offered easily to give something if met at certain place coinciding with a time. Everyone that had ever visited him for what Karl Plight was going to visit him for this very evening seemed very cautious afterward. Karl Plights friend, Makay seemed very worried for Karl when he was brought up and was told not to ever go talk with the man. Makay was a childhood friend there was no one that he could trust or would communicate with more on every subject. This act was almost in complete contradiction from the nature of Makay. The only other time such a thing had ever happened was when Makay was going on fiendish benders at the beginning of their use of which at the time was very high quality, very addictive form of heroin called later on being called the "teach" it being the one, and last lesson.
The doctors in all there infinite glory found a cure better than simple methadone for this drug, apparently the especially addictive nature for this breed of chemical was claimed to be caused by the way it damaged serotonin levels , which seems odd, but it would repeatedly destroy areas of any new growth. At first just emotional fields were scent spiraling and eventually sterilizing them to nil of a moderate length of time. You had your amazing high and after it wore off you'd still felt great it would keep junkies on the nod long after it wore through its half-life. It was causing permanent serotonin damage with the compounded natural effects of simple, if you can say "simple" heroin. The giving of the consistent body spike would then flow with wondrous pulse, "it cried out in awe for you", all was learned to take its toll later on. Killing everything in the mind except the areas you used most during the infusion of the high, this was because of time it started to really take in the body to have its full reaction. The area used when coming on strong and into the central nervous system, which would usually remain intact but as blood pushed the chemicals to the outer walls it would seep into the fatty tissues of the brain and that's the time frame when It would have its true chemical reaction. The spike and awe, the burning of neurons, and serotonin receptors like the scene of a forest fire from the bird's eye, but even the birds wouldn't be safe witnessing such destruction, how can a bird be safe when the sky melts? Polishing everything slick black that leaves nothing but burns nothing but damage. It had the rare ability to hit every user in almost the exact same way. It wasn't just simple brain damage, it left you with nothing, and there was no solace from the addiction, no rest. They felt as if they were angry at first but when they defecated their aggression for more, as easily as a sodomized pregnant woman of 28 weeks into her term, there was nothing else left but the empty husk of a hallow human being. The added 4,5a epoxy- epoxy- 14methoxy-17 mthyl morphine 6-one supplied by certain pharmacies to the importer of the far-eastern blend of the drug only helped the addiction rage on once it was unstoppable within the areas of the mind. With all necessary pleasure choked out, they only way they could feel safe and whole was with the "teach". But the doctors found out ways to re-grow first the simple brain tissue and then things progressed, eventual serotonin renewal became a possibility, faster and faster as technologies sometimes do. The first stem cell project to have a snowball effect of real cognitive thought, understanding and knowledge. But even going through all of these things Makay still would share his, at least when he still had a good after nod going, and Karl did the same, no lies, no secrecy. But with speaking with Hassin and what they talked about he would never say.
After they spoke; that is Makay and Hasin, which Karl knew about. Him and Makay didn't speak for a few days which was not totally uncommon but later on after a night of thrashing, drinking and the sale of a undercover police car to a very fat man named pull-up, they were sitting on the living room couch, with some woman of such disgust that even if she did in fact assure with complete lack of offense with the words "no, really I am a human being." You would remain about 90% skeptical that she spoke lies for the rest of the night. There was a strange pusher named Terry who would occasionally refer to himself as "keeper" or "the keeper" with her. He had infinite supplies of un-illegalized or soon to be scheduled amounts of varying psychotropic's, and for some reason he said, he liked something in this girl, who seemed to have no shame in her uninhibited forced repulsion that she had violently thrust upon Karl with her overpowering presence. The woman though, still didn't lack in personality. She reminded Karl of his ex-wife, the one who once kicked the scag and everything else, along with Karl leaving him to his own devices. Her and Karl use to sell their aborted children to the S.E.T clinics (stem cell engineering technologies) the clinics where always in dire need of stem cells after the war and the endless riots when the right took power. Karl realizing there were no good as potential parents and that something good could come of their debilitating addiction enjoyed the idea of turning what surly would be another life riddled with misery in this bitter grey city if left to him, into a longevity for those who deserved it. Karl thought looking at this woman who looked nothing like his beloved ex, yet still gave heir of reminiscence of her that the obese can thin, the weak can grow stronger but the truly ugly always remained as such.
They had to find masks in other places, what a wondrous affliction Karl thought to be plagued with the necessity to develop a personality or informative intellect to always give good conversation…this had to be true didn't it Karl wondered, either that or suffer a life of rejection and pain. Karl realizing his own afflictions realized he would never not have pain, he always had loss he could never have enough and he never would never be satisfied because he could never stop.
Karl realized that the only thing worth anything was love, friendship and connection…all of these things could be absent in a person's life though yet despair would not and even with them despair always struck eventually…
Karl said aloud after that shaking his head "despair is ever present"
The woman then replied quickly with "hardly anymore then the range of any other emotions"
Karl reiterated his thought and the lizard woman replied with "you know I have this belief that the substance changed consciousness can lead to psychic breaks weakening your overall integrity the breaks can lead to things getting in, things you sometimes can't ever get rid of, bad things".
Disregarding the lizard he thought to himself the things he cherished most he didn't have or would lose, but he didn't care about what "things" may or may not have gotten in, what was he supposed to do about that?
No use he figured, no use quarreling over past possibilities. The past was that and Karl new his history well. The only options were to move forward, not to disseminate his thoughts like so many pathetic junkies gone religious before him or some figure head but to destroy lies and except truths, there were lies and truths in all things. His mind flashed, he say congregations of people working together to eliminate the one enemy there loneliness there weakness.
What Karl wanted was the elimination of possible despair that seemed everywhere, Karl had set himself aside in his mind and decided to initiate this task, Karl at that moment decided not to die, he decided he would carry out this undertaking, Karl became a man with a purpose and this however he realized would be difficult seeing as how he had most likely taken a more then lethal dose moments before of the teach that had just been shared ,even though he used it nasally he had lifted a bit and took about 3-4 times as much as everyone else, terry had probably one of the highest tolerances and he looked to be becoming a piece of the furniture he sat on, lifeless, still, soft.
Quickly Karl counted the time between use: 6minutes, to time taken for full effect: 5-10minutes
Karl was soon to be a gauge for the others of what not to do, a statistic, and once it was figured out how his lungs collapsed loathed and forgotten.
With Karl's last 1 to 4 minutes in life what will he do? he does not speak and concludes what the best thing to do with that time would be,
with one a brisk motion Karl quickly removes his penis and begins to ignore the complaints of his fellow drug addled companions as he starts to uninhibitedly and feverishly masturbate, he thinks of her, his one, and only his ex wife, here head gently laid against his chest her breath and heat the way she would softly yet intensity always satisfy better than any other woman's touch before or after, he can almost smell her, he call almost taste her, and then he hears her as he ejaculates and dies. "Unlike you Karl, some people don't know what they want, but that's always been exactly your biggest problem".