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Texas! I Cannot Wait For You !

Essay By: Dale Blackwood
Other



Inspiration received surrounding my marriage. A marriage of two country boys that have been together in love for 14 years... Well, Now is the real beginning... Read on please.....


Submitted:Dec 25, 2013    Reads: 18    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


Good Evening. I hope all is well with everyone and pray for many blessings to all.
I have an announcement to make.
My partner of 14 years, Clint Nelson, and I will be getting legally and legitimately married in the beautiful state of New Mexico on January 6th. The city is Santa Fe. (Good Lord Willing and the creek don't rise….)
And in honor of this very humble occasion, I have written a little heartfelt something. Please overlook any unusual prose or misspellings. I did after all, go to Lake Worth… LOL

Texas! I can't wait for you!
Ever since my first memory as a child, I knew that I didn't "fit" in. My thoughts, desires, and feelings just didn't roll with the norm. Yes, while many "experimented" and then quit… I for some reason did not. I was soon to be branded a Queer by society. Texas, I can't wait for you.

I had no role models and the only glimpse of an unknown and mysterious world that I would one day be a part of was the occasional library book. Books full of harsh stories of mental illnesses or religious doctrines that indicated that I was going to burn in hell for living a life that I had not even begun to experience or realize. According to all the info , I was either going to burn in hell, or end up in jail as a delinquent or mass murderer, a molester, or God knows what. I felt dirty, branded, and depressed and yes, alone. . . Texas, I can't wait for you.
Growing up in Lake Worth was very hard during that part of my life. Small town, small town mentality. I'm not complaining, but that is just the way that it was. You were either a Roper, Doper, or played football. If you were in band, you were labeled a "Band Fag" regardless of your sexuality. I was in Band. Regarding sexuality, there was room for only one. Straight. Anyone that displayed even the least bit of "not straight" behavior was critically ostracized, ridiculed, beat up and even worse, unloved and or disowned or killed. Texas, I can't wait for you.

Early on, I made up my mind. I was going to prove "them" wrong. Anyone of "them" that tried to categorize me or box me in. I would defy them! Anyone that felt the need to mold me, to harm me or even try to kill me simply because I was embarking on a life's path that they could not and would not understand. They were all trying to tell me what I was doing in the privacy of my own bedroom, as a consenting adult, was WRONG! Texas, are you listening yet?? I can't wait for you and now I'm afraid of you!.

I know life is hard for all. I also know that we are guaranteed a certain number of just plain rotten bad days in this world. I got it. But I was stubborn and determined that one day, against everything that I had heard and learned, one day I was going to find someone that I could share my life with. I was going to beat the odds. I refuse to be damned to a lifetime of trolling for sex or drugs, and I absolutely refuse to be the stereotype!!! I refuse to be the mockery of my own hearts desires…

I am being called to be the best person that I could be first, and then the best damn Gay person that I could be second. I would find someone that would love me for me. Also, it would help if they would love anything "Country." From wrap around porches, porch swings and family quilts to keep warm , sunsets, horseback riding, fishing, campfires, cooking, gardening, CLASSIC COUNTRY MUSIC, rodeo's, Jack Daniel's, ice cold beer, Mexican food, and the smell of cow plop for pete's sake ! Texas! You better catch up! I'm telling you.. I won't wait for you..

Every year I grow older and wiser. I explored a few relationships which paled in comparison to the ideas that I had firmly planted in my heart. My heart longed to be not only touched but also loved by another that mirrored my own wants, needs, wishes, dreams and most importantly, desires.. Other life's paths explored, and while some were very interesting, they just couldn't hold up to my dream. They always lead to disaster. Along with age and experience came the mistakes and baggage of lies and deceit. Heartache and problems with family and loved ones had turned me calloused and hard hearted. My belief in a world where I belonged, happy, with my counterpart waned like the last glowing rays of a sunset over the lake that ripples blue and green. Many times I sat on the hill of Mosque Point and watched the sun go down all by myself. Alone, praying, longing for a companion. And then God answered my prayers. He put Clint into my life. Texas. TAKE THAT!!! I'm not going down without a fight!. I won't wait for you!.

That was 14 years ago.

There are not enough words to describe all that this man has been to me. Absolutely not. A few descriptions would be Friend, lover, confidant, advisor, supporter, nurturer, protector, voice of reason in some very unreasonable times, devil's advocate, etc. All, given to me completely unconditional with only a look of love in his eyes. While even he would tell you he is not the brightest, his soul shines golden. I am serious when I say he got the raw end of the deal, because with my love came the demons of my failed past relationships where lies were the way of life and mental and physical abuse common. I thought that was love. I thought that was my "normal." Boy was I wrong! And I was so glad to be wrong. Here God has put this person into my life and he loves me and supports me in every way imaginable. Having him in my life twenty four by seven is as easy as the air I breathe. There is no chiseling any pieces of the puzzle to make them fit. No hammering, no fine tuning the picture.. IT JUST WORKS. One by one, the demons of my past experiences rears their ugly heads to do us harm, and he draws his sword and slays them all until finally, I am whole… I trust completely. I love with all my heart. I hope with excitement and inspiration. I am secure. I thank God. I thank God. I thank God! … Texas. I love you. I am you, regardless of all you have done to me.. I will move on with or without you. .

While Texas is the home I love, and would never consider living anywhere else, unfortunately Texas does not return this love. It has rules against people like us. They are not friendly and they do not allow me and the man I have loved and shared my life and my bed with for the last 14 years to share in the same benefits that normal heterosexuals enjoy. Such as marriage. (some of you, over and over and over and over.. and over ..
Why is that? We work, we pay taxes, why shouldn't we enjoy the same rights that you yourself have??? What is humanly acceptable about this ? Other states allow this. Some very close…Texas. I'm sorry.. We are going to do this with or without you… some things are just much bigger than you are. Do you understand?? As much as I love you Texas, My love for this man that I KNOW for a fact God has put into my life, outweighs by far my love for you… Texas…Do ya get me? As magnificent as you area… You are falling so far behind everyone else. Texas. Come with us. We have hope for you. We love you. God Loves You!. Please join us. Texas. We don't want to leave you. We don't want to do this without you….. But you leave us no choice.

Know Ye This:

On January, 6th, 2014 at 9:00 a.m., Clint Nelson will honor me in marriage. I Dale Blackwood am the luckiest man in the world to be so honored. We will be legally married in the beautiful and quaint city of Santa Fe, New Mexico. While we would love more than anything to have the wedding in our home state surrounded by our friends and family, we are unable to do so, LEGALLY. Please check with your state representatives and state government as to why.
Witness to this most humble (and I do mean humble) occasion is my nearest and dearest long time best friend and adopted sister, Kaylynn Bodiford. Love ya KK!
Our marriage is a statement of our love for each other and a wish to share our lives with each other for as long as we shall live.. So help us God!.
With or without the approval of the great state of Texas and or any of its representatives or legislators.
We hope that you will give us your blessings and say a prayer for us. As always, we will remember you in our prayers.. God Bless Us All, as well as the State of Texas.
AMEN!





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