On the date of July 25th, 2011 I got in trouble for something I knew I shouldn't've done but did anyway cause I don't think when I'm excited. I got in trouble for having a friend over without my dad's permission. I live with my dad and he's strict about his rules. It was a boy yes of course. The way it happened was he asked to come over, but I didn't ask my dad and said yes anyway. My dad left for work and won't be back til 5:30. I let the boy in the house and it was fun. My little brother and sister had fun with him and guess what? My sister had to be the little snitch she is truly and told my dad when he called. I never thought about the concequnces and got in trouble. The boy went home and my dad came back home.
When he came in he ignored me and it seemed that way. But he always does that when I get in trouble. My dad and I walked upstairs to my bed room and he began to yell at me. I lied about almost everything and he got real mad. He walked out and went to his room. All I did was cry at that point. When my brother had to tell some things my dad got even angrier.
I hugged myself into a ball and cried on the floor. When my dad went to work at the gym (he has 2 jobs) I kept crying. I repeadedly said I wanted to die and be with my grandmother. I wanted to so bad. There were plenty of suicide options for me. Jump out my window, take to many pills at once, drink nail polish remover, and stab myself to death with scissors. I was really going to one of those.
My family leaves me out of things and I feel like I'm all alone in this world. I kept screaming I wanted to die and was praying something would happen. I'd get shot, a satalite or something would fall on the house, something! I went on the internet looking for mental hospitals around where I live. I couldn't find any near me and was really upset about that. I didn't know what to do.
But my best friend would miss me dearly. Victoria. She's one of a kind and talked me out of my suicide, but I still have thoughts about it. I am still scared of my father and scared of everything. I had cut my wrists that night almost hitting a vein. But I am still having those thoughts and the mental hospital.
If anyone reads this do you have some advice for me? If you do please tell me it. I'd love to hear what you have to say. And to my grandma Midge. I miss and love you.