Hindsight

All my life I have heard people say that hindsight is 20/20. Right now, I am getting to know that for a fact hindsight is 20/20. When I look back on my past mistakes, I see so clearly now what I had done wrong then. Unfortunately, you can never go home again. Once something is changed, it remains changed.

My wife and I are in the middle of a messy divorce. Before we actually started the process, I knew that something was wrong, I could see it I just couldn’t change it. Now I want so badly for her to listen to me when I tell her how I feel, but due to prior circumstances now that I want to talk, she won’t listen. Sometimes the walls we build from inattention can feel as large as the Great Wall of China.

I try to tell myself the normal platitudes that most people attempt. “Everything happens for a reason”, “It will all come out in the wash”, or my personal favorite “Love is like a bolt of lighting, just as apt to strike an outhouse as a cherry tree.” Sometimes late at night I think of myself as an outhouse masquerading as a cherry tree. I know that right now I am just hurt. Due to the pain I expect a little feeling sorry for myself. I just wish that the time that is supposed to heal all wounds; would hurry and pass.

I keep hoping that somehow this all will mysteriously work out. That one morning I will wake up and she will be there. A smile on her face because she is happy to see me. Loving me the way she used too. I know that with all that has transpired that that is not an option. “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Well right now mine wants my wife back.

Even though you can never go home again, I have found that that is little solace for those who want too. I just wish I had been observant enough to have stopped the vicious circle before it came to fruition. Like I said in the opening “Hindsight is 20/20”, well it usually appears to be.