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Confession of a boy

Miscellaneous By: AdamBlackburn

Jason Crow is a 19 year old boy who had an uneventful life, but all that changed in a way that made him fill with regret.

Submitted:May 5, 2014    Reads: 6    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

Hi. My names Jason Crow. I'm an 19 year old boy from NSW Sydney. My life has been pretty average, nothing to bad ever happened but nothing over the moon happened either. Whilst attending school i managed to attain some decent grades, a bit above average. My social life wasn't to bad either, I had a few close mates who I hung out with regularly, but my best mate was Blake Token. My relationship status changed a few times but it was never a serious commitment. Girls never said I was ugly, but not many said I was hot. So I assumed I must've been a decent looking guy, not fat nor skinny nor bulked and ripped, just an average fellow. I was always never fond of follow trends, my hair stayed basically the same from year 7 to 12 and changed when I turned 18 because of a dare (almost went bald) and it didn't care if people thought I was a loser for not buying the brand named clothes.

So as I said I have had a pretty average uneventful life, up until a month and a half after I turned 18. You see, Blake (my best mate) was dating the hottest girl in school, her name is Emma. Emma was a blonde girl with this amazing hazel eyes and loved dancing and had been dancing since she was 3 so you could imagine how great her body looked. She was smart and down to earth and I absolutely adored her but she was off limits cause of Blake, they'd been a couple since the day he transferred to our school in year 10. One night after school when I was in year 12 Blake was at my house drinking (cause we were both 18) and as he got drunk he started I tell me that he wasn't to sure about what he was into, at first I thought he meant beer or food, but as he started describing his type I soon realised he meant his sexual desires, the people who turned him on. As he described his type I started to picture what the girl would look like and instantly saw Emma, but as he spoke on the image started to change and resemble more our English teacher Mr Heath a man who as he aged kept his boyish charm. At first I thought it was the alcohol but the next morning when I woke up Blake was acting weird, avoiding eye contact with me. After about 2 hours of being really persistent I finally got it out of him, he was embarrassed because he had accidentally told me he was confused about his sexual preferences. He thought he was gay.
Two weeks later there was a party at Emma's bestfriends house (Rebecca) and Blake dragged me along and pretended like he had never told me he might be gay and kept acting straight. Rebecca's older brother must be consider a "hottie" in the gay community because Blake instantly couldn't take his eyes off him and ditched me to talk to Peter (Rebecca's brother). Being that Emma was the only person besides Blake I really knew at this party I headed towards her and we just started talking, seeing as I was the designated driver out of me and Blake I wasn't drinking and Emma didn't like the feeling of getting drunk and stayed sober too. When the clock neared 12 some drunken douchebag spilled his drink all over my shirt so Emma escorted me to the bathroom, it being occupied we headed towards Rebecca's room which was another bathroom connected to it. Emma closed the bedroom door and locked it so I could have privacy and stayed in the bedroom while I took my shirt of in the bathroom, not having anything to wear though I resorted to taking the hairdryer into the bedroom with me and blow dried my shirt while taking to Emma. Next thing I remember is Emma's really upset, she's telling me that she was with Blake the other week before my birthday and she thought it was time they moved to the next level in their relationship and tried to go all the way but Blake acted totally disgusted about it and refused to talk about why. I don't know if it was my infatuation with her or if it was seeing her upset and knowing I could help but for whatever reason I backstabbed my best mate and told her that he might be into men. At first she looked shocked, then she nodded her head in like some kind of realisation to the truth, then she started to cry, like full on cry, it resembled a waterfall. She was crying I assume because she had spent two years with a guy she thought she loved. I, still not wearing my shirt, put my arm around her so she could cry into my shoulder and out of nowhere we started kissing, and well one thing led to another and her shirt soon joined mine on the floor, and we just went for it, we went nuts, both of ours first time and it was insane. After we decided to keep it a secret so Blake didn't get hurt. But we continues to discreetly meet up and enjoy each others company. But as we neared the end of the school year me and Emma had a few drinks together and well, when we "enjoyed" one another we forgot to use protection. Emma started to panic and Blake noticed. After one weekend up at Blake's families holiday house at the coast for Emma to spill her guts about me and her. Blake was a true gentlemen to her, he knew that because she knew she was his beard he really couldn't be mad at her for cheating. But when it came to me, Blake was furious, firstly because I told someone his was gay and secondly I was rooting his beard (his words not mine) a big fall out happened, and I got 6 stitches above my eyebrow from him punching me.
Even though I deserved the beating and I should've been happy because me and Emma were now free to be together (her and Blake broke up obviously) but I felt Blake overreacted and in a stupid drunken rage outed him to everybody. Blake was horrified and fell into a deep depression unable to handle the mockery he was getting his family allowed him and Peter (Rebecca's brother and Blake secret lover since her party) to spend a few months hidden at their holiday home.
It's been 3 months since I've heard from Blake, me and Emma are happy and she's not pregnant the scare was just a scare. I hope one at Blake will forgive me, but I doubt I'll ever forgive myself.
My life was average and easy, I was a completely ordinary guy, and I still am, even though I'm dating a gorgeous girl. But because of one moment, because my bestfriend felt embarrassed about being gay my life had an eventful moment which I didn't want. It makes me wonder, that maybe if society was accepting, maybe if people could be open about who they truly are, I'd still have my best mate. I don't blame no one but myself for losing him, I hope that one day society accepts all and my life can go back to uneventful and average.


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