Just Thinking Out Loud
My head is so cluttered I don't know where to begin. From day to day I don't know which way I'm going to go. I never know which person is going to wake up. There's the one that wants to wake up and start all over, do the things I need to do to get my life back on track. Then there's the other person who wakes up with the same "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ATTITUDE". I'm beginning to see more of the latter person and I'm not happy about it but I'm not doing anything about him. I guess it's just easier being miserable. being happy requires a lot of work and to be honest I've grown too lazy to even try. I wake up and go outside and I see how "the so called normal people" go about their daily business and I wish I were one of them. I fantasize about being different people or being in different situations where the happiness that is eluding me is finally within my grasp. Then I'll catch a reflection of myself and I realize that I'm still me and things haven't changed. Everybody tells me to let go of the past. It sounds real good when it's said bit it's much harder to do. People seem to see in me things I don't see or probably really don't want to see. I know I can do so much better, I just don't know where to begin. There are countless people willing to help me that genuinely want to see me do good but I think my pride is standing in the way of accepting help even though I know I need it. Maybe one day I'll wake up and smell the coffee and accept the help that is so available to me. Until then I'll pray and take it one day at a time. Who knows maybe I'll wake up one day and surprise myself by finding that the person that's been eluding me is staring back at me in the mirror.
CHANGE IS GONNA COME....WHEN REMAINS TO BE SEEN!!!!