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This is just random thoughts and shit that began a story i just thought it should go up

Submitted:Dec 6, 2010    Reads: 25    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

Sometimes I struggle, and sometimes I do things that are unforgiveable. Maybe one day I'll get through one day without a problem, without feeling guilty. Maybe one day I'll get it right and won't hurt anyone anymore. I think about everything I've been through, I'm stronger now, I 'm wiser. I no longer let my dad run my life; I no longer have to be around all the bullshit that pushed me so far down. I've learned to stand alone, and to just brush everything away. Losing my family to protect what I believe in, protecting the people who are more like family then anyone. I don't mind standing alone. This journey is beautiful and cruel. Sometimes I want to give up and have no worries; but no matter how much I wanna give up I never will; that just shows that everything I did, everything I went through to get to where I am meant nothing. I didn't walk away from my family for nothing; I did it to be better than them, to have a life my dad could be proud of. I'm going to show them what I can do even if it kills me. I'll never let them see me fall. I've been thrown obstacles that I didn't think I could get through but I did and now that I look back, I can say that I'm truly proud of myself. I've done some wrong in my life but I righted them and one day maybe I'll be able to fix things with my dad. Maybe one day his girlfriend will realize how important I really am to my dad. One day he'll be able to prove to me he does love me. One day we'll all be a family again but until that day comes I'm going to move forward with the family I do have. I've screwed over a lot of people, best friends included but the ones that know its worth it will stick by me. I should've lost Ashley forever but she came back and I couldn't be happier! I never meant to hurt her or anyone else I'm just trying to live life the way I know how to. Even though I screwed up my life I don't regret any of it, everything that happened brought me to this moment. I may not want to be here but I'm thankful that I am. School is the only thing I am not willing to lose; I refuse to throw it away. Yes, I was mad at Kleckner and Baker at the beginning but now I realize they're just trying to help me, trying to get me back on track because obviously I can't do it by myself anymore. They've been there for me through everything…even when I don't deserve it. They're doing their part in helping me, so now I'll do mine. I'll go to study hall; I'll go to her at lunch. I'll do anything to get myself back on track.


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