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My abusive self

Miscellaneous By: dibbledabble

Obi pointed me to a new writer’s page; it was about signs of being in an abusive relationship. I am not in a relationship, it appears I am not suited to them, but it got me thinking about conflicts within myself. I have no idea if this format works or even what it is I hope to achieve.

Submitted:Dec 3, 2011    Reads: 21    Comments: 7    Likes: 3   

Dear Mr Dibble,

I thought I would drop you a line, I have been watching you of late and I must say you really are a piece of work. All those emotions you show, what do you think they will achieve? What do you think you will get in return? I can tell you mate. Nothing but heart ache! You want to trust me on this; I know what is best for us.

I thought we had a deal. I was supposed to be in charge; after all it is I who has got us to where we are today. Not some lily livered poet spewing his guts out to whoever will listen. That my shadowy friend is pure folly. Don't you know they are all laughing at us now? When are you going to learn? Your purpose is to act like a sponge and soak up the flack, not get in the way with your fool hardy demands to be heard, whilst I try my best to keep our ship afloat. It's not easy you know trying to do what's best for us while you're charging about like a pull in a china shop.

Seriously man, get a grip! What's the matter with you; you really have lost the plot. All this digging about in our head, delving into our past, and for what? Next you will be telling all your ridiculous friends I am the crazy one here. Wake up and smell the roses you fool. Nothing happened in the past that I haven't dealt with. Start towing the line. Move on. There is a real world out there. It's harsh and cruel and it's my ass on the line!

Every time I leave you to make a decision what do you do? Get all hurt or starry eyed and make the mother of all f**k ups of it. Creative, don't make me laugh. The only thing you ever create is ciaos. Get back in your box and shut the f**k up. I'm not joking pal. You carry on the way you're going and you'll be sorry. I mean it.

I am sorry I have to be hard on you but you know I have our best interests at heart.

Yours sincerely

Mr Dabble.


Dear Mr Dabble

I know I am you and you are me, but I really don't like you very much. Why do you keep me locked away? All I want to do is help us be whole. I know you're not all bad, as I understand I am not all good, but to deny I exist can't be right. I have a right too to determine our fate. It's not all up to you.

There is more to life than sustaining an image and living up to expectations. I have helped you with that. Where do you think all the drive to succeed comes from? Yeah sure your good at the image stuff, how we are seen. But when it comes to actually achieving that isn't shallow and superficial it comes from within. Yes, that is me doing that. Sure it's you who tosses and turns all night musing the questions of tomorrow, but who gives you the answer? Me, I do! I dig deep into our mind and use what we have learned, but you take all the credit.

I can't believe you blame me for all that's gone awry in our life. If you hadn't suppressed me and not let me speak perhaps our decisions would have been more human. But no you had to appear so perfect. So scared of failure and looking bad.

If the truth be told. It's not me who is scared; you are! Sacred of losing control. Sacred of what people will say. Scared of change. Well I have news for you too. It's too late, you have already lost control. People are already talking. Things are already changing. The genie is out of the bottle and you can't put it back. In case you haven't noticed our ship is already on the rocks. We grounded her together.

The only way now is if we pull together, accept that you are human not just a façade. You can't threaten me any longer; it is you who has lost the will to live. For me live has only just truly began and I intend to live, explore and grow, there is nothing you can do but come along and do your best to keep up with the changes.

I am sorry I have had to be so hard on you but you know I am at the heart of our best interested.

Yours most sincerely

Mr Dibble.


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