So Cold.

The wind is cold today…that’s why I am huddled up to keep from shivering. The beanie on my head is pulled down to keep my bald scalp warm and make it feel protected. Sunshine finally peeks out from behind the clouds, which I guess now I stand out. Like a stage light it consumes me, only me as everything else apart from me remains either dying or lifeless. No one will notice though…

I’d like to say they cared. Cared about my well-being and if what I could say, should say, or had said was important to their way of living. The sunshine has left me, like my family, and the very few friends I have had throughout my existence. Dramatic? No, beyond words is where you’ll find me hysterical and dramatic. In my eyes, past my eyes into the insides of my capsule where blood pumps in veins and organs wait. There you will find it, the drama queen that once was. 

But even when the queen was, I know she meant the littlest importance anyway. So now that I mean nothing, it’s rather calming and not that knew. Clouds rearrange so the sun can once again warm the heart, mind, and soul that are desperate inside. Running water is heard in the distance, as the green tuffs of grass sway in unison for ritualistic purposes alone. Dancers float past me, they’ll forever remain a dream because they couldn’t have really been there. I suppose you could understand that I am very misunderstood, but I’m not. I’d choose to be misunderstood with it all figured out in my head at least, than be the lonely, boring, dull figure that fights with itself in its head.

 Course these qualities sometimes make me noticeable, but when that happens I get attention someone wouldn’t prefer. Obtain what you know you can achieve, because high standards will fool you in the end. Laughing in your face and letting ignorance wash you down till you are drunk with it, that’s what high standards will do with you. That’s how I got here. That’s how I got to this bench. My hands empty, mind full, and pigeons pecking at my half eaten sandwich before me. I ruined everything, not only for me but for them. Forgive me even though there is no forgiveness to offer one so cold.