Rationality versus emotions. If you had to pick one, which would you choose? To live without one of these for the rest of your life. Why would anyone choose rationality over emotion? To most people, the decision would seem reckless. That the decision was made by a robot.
Let me tell you a story…
For the past… four years, there is someone who has not known a single person who they could call friend. They have been known as 'friend' to other people because they're a "good listener". Always The Listener. Because The Listener doesn't have any problems of their own. They have all the answers; their life must all be sorted. If The Listener can sort out the lives of others, then it must be a doddle to sort their own lives out. Never mind that The Listener puts on a brave face because they haven't the time to fix their own problems because they're sorting out other people's messes. So, these… acquaintances, if you will, would flit in and out of The Listener's life. Coming with words, problems and meaningless gossip, because The Listener wouldn't tell them that they don't give a damn and want everyone to go away.
In a moment, an event can change The Listener's whole outlook on life. They find something wonderful that makes them happier than ever before. They are no longer The Listener, they are simply themselves. This discovery is lovingly shared with these acquaintances. The trills of delight fall on deaf ears. Their interests no longer match. The Listener wants to talk; they haven't in so long. The acquaintance won't listen; they are not willing to give back to The Listener.
The Listener has had enough…
No more listening. No more caring if the feeling is not
reciprocated. No more tolerating idle chatter. No more 'friends'.
The Listener's eyes red with rage, words of scorn fly from their lips, furious with the world. They spew their malcontent, speaking their mind for the first time. They care not for consequence; the rage and the pain overpowers their usually sensible nature. They think with their heart not their head.
It's never good to act before you think. One by one, the acquaintances abandoned ship, found others who would listen to their drivel. The Listener had lost everyone in a single fit of anger. The Listener became The Dragon. The realisation that an emotion could cause so much damage numbed The Dragon. So they found a way of blending into the background. Another form; The Echo.
The Echo is exactly that - it looks like a person. The similarities end there. It has no voice. It has no personality. It has no opinion. And the best thing? It has no heart. No emotion, nor capacity to love or care. The tactic is genius. If it doesn't need to care, there is no hurt. It will not hurt from the actions of others, and It's actions shan't hurt others. There is no downside. The Echo, empty, can fill itself with new things, can become itself…
It is comfortable.
… But what if something changed? What if, for some reason, someone
accepted it for itself without so much as a second glance? They
sat, and talked, and listened, and laughed. Give and take… IS this
friendship? It doesn't know. Four years of a hollow shell, sat in
silence, and it wasn't able to tell. It couldn't tell if they were
a friend; was this what friendship used to feel like?
… "feel like"…
It had broken its most important rule. Don't feel. There was emotion. It had let someone in.
It cared about someone…
She cared about someone…
I cared about someone.
With emotion, comes hurt. I can't hurt them. I don't want to lose this feeling again. Please, I don't want to lose another friend. It might kill me.
… So, why no emotion? In the end, I can't stand hurting others. I care not if I end up alone, I care about the pain I cause others; I become the guilty party.
If that's the case, then why do I feel so reluctant to let my friend go? Why do I not wish to simply become a shell again?