A Clown by Sheer Coincidence
A Flint Steel One-Act Musical Play
Written by Gideon Elrod
Words by Ali Cat
Music by Pat Poemeroy
Stage Manager: Joe Attenasio
Scenery painted by: Sherry One
Directed by Don George
Stage-Choreographed by: Nik89 and Michael Atkinson
Soundtrack Availiable on Tuppa Records
All photographs by M. Amber Conrad
Cast:
Flint Steel, the Singing Lumberjack: Mike Molty
Uncle Dibby: Bob Macmaster
Miss Bitty, the Barmaid: Foxy Glover
Slim, the Camp Clown: Bruce Kay
Bruno, the tavern’s owner: Wil Ber
Featuring: The Happy Limber-Tones
Male Choir
Act One:
Flint Steel, singing: “Oh, we’re--cutting down trees to make way for some houses!”
Slim, the Camp Clown: “Do you want to see me juggle?”
Flint Steel, singing: “Not now, you crazy bastard! Can’t you see we’re working here?”
Slim: “Well, yeah boss, but this is juggling like you’ve never seen before. I juggle chainsaws that are going!”
Flint Steel, singing: “Say, that DOES sound exciting! Everyone, gather round; Slim’s going to juggle running chainsaws!”
All the lumberjacks stop cutting to watch Slim juggle
Flint Steel, singing: “Go ahead, start the show!”
Slim starts up three chainsaws, and cuts into a log to demonstratethat they do indeed work
Slim: “So as you can see, these babies are real! I brought my boom box for musical accompaniment!”
A chorus of lumberjacks (The off stage voices of The Happy Limber-Tones Male Choir): “Start the show, come on, let’s go!”
The sound of running chainsaws fill the air, as Slim picks the up 2, and says, “I’ll throw one up in the air, and grab the 3rd off the ground!”
Slim throws on up in the air, and reaches down for the 3rd, only he stumbles, and the airborne chainsaw flashes downward and cuts right
through his arm.
Slim, screaming: “Owe, my fricking arm; somebody call 911!”
The Happy Limber-Tones Male choir, singing: “Now look what you’ve done; you’ve severed your arm!”
Curtain falls, and rises to the interior of a hospital room
Flint Steel, singing: “How do you feel; can I get you anything?”
Slim: “How would you feel if you CUT OFF YOUR ARM?”
Flint Steel, singing: “Look on the bright side, you’ve still got one!”
The Happy Limber-Tones Male Choir, singing: “Oh, they, couldn’t save the arm; now it’s one unsightly stump!”
Flint Steel, singing, “Some people dropped by, just to say hi!”
Miss Bitty: “Hey, other than the lack of the outline of a limb beneath that sheet, you’re looking great!”
The Happy Limber-Tones Male Choir: “Other than the missing lump, he’s looking pretty good!”
Uncle Dibby: “I brought you a present; its a bowling shirt with one sleeve removed, so you don’t look like a reject by having the empty sleeve flapping
loosely when you bowl!”
Slim: “Gee thanks, Uncle Dibby, but you sewed the WRONG sleeve shut!”
Uncle Dibby: “Oops!”
The Happy Limber-Tones Male Choir: “He sowed the wrong sleeve shut, and all he can say is, ‘Oops’?”
Bruno, the Tavern Owner: “When you realize you’re no longer whole, and the depression hits? I’m going to serve you free-of-charge, so at least you won’t go to
the poor house trying to drink enough to deaden the despair!”
The Happy Limber-Tones Male Choir: “Deaden the despair, Deaden the despair: people with 2 arms-everywhere!”
Slim: “Why don’t you bastards clear out? You’re not helping!”
Flint Steel, singing: “Oh fine, that’s the thanks we get? Fine, come on gang, let’s let Mr. Limbless Wonder sit here and have nothing to think about BUT his
arm!”
The End
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