Before I wanted to look like mana, mana sama. Have blazed hair standing high upon my head or even like I said before jet black. But even looking like mana sama with his increased beauty, couldn't pull the gravitation I am trying to obtain. It is an impossible mission to clear like playing grand theft auto or saints row and trying to take over enemy territory. I feel like a wanderer, a pitch black wanderer. One who blends in with the blackness of a color, where you can never answer, understand if I am bare naked or wholely dressed. If I had piercings stretching my ear lobes, nostrials, my button bellow my belly, I'd look like a tribal animal, like a charcter out of the film apocalypto. A true african and less alternative. No where near my goth emo punk rocker wanna be image. Labels and labels are indentified with and by shades of the outside of a human being, supposedly god living creatures. Pale skin has uniqueness they say, quality like a new tv set showing channels in HD. Like technology to make things more quick at speed, things done efficiently. If not of appearance matching the color of printing paper you are indeed put at a holt. Put into tangles, tangled up into visible invisible strings. It'd be like a willie lynch theory to me. Back to the jim crow laws and three fifth compromise. You would automatically for this kind of treatment that has left scars highlight what is the cover on your outside body, you'd press out your curled kinks , use a cream that leaves injuries, scabs you ich at that rip off. You'd never eat and sleep with both eyes open. I've been told harsh things, hideous insiders, those who make such remarks do think twice and don't care to bring peace but to tarnish harmony. Theres a fuss about asian decent. I'd ask myself why? Women from this race are born to only two nipples, a head full of silk hair and sour filled squint eyes. But lets compare them to surf boards instead. You could use an asian female to glide on a wave. Today I am more simple with this random speech. Today I will use less similes and just spell out the truth. Depression is a way for me to hide, to put a way. To be like a fast dam builder like a beaver. I have cherished rock music for some time now. It gives me belief that even caucasions can have troubled lives. That not all of them are rich and well off. I ask myself everyday am I turning into a racist? Am I like the used to be slave owners? Do I want to hang the race that has belittled mine? That has defined all of me as one thing, nigger. Might I say if we were such niggers, why'd you rape our women, the women from my background, my race, culture and ethnicity? Why'd you say, make a statment for white supremecy and leave me at a stand still at such a young age. I would still be like trapt, be headstrong and take on anyone because this is not where I belong. You remind me of a repitious song only sounding such a way because theres a scratch on the disk. I have no intensions of conforming, that I do convince myself of but self talk is a major epic failure since it is coming from one negative self. Zoloft, all this medication, it reminds me of wynona rider in girl interrupted. I'd want to be in an insane asylum and wear a straight jacket. Just be in a padded room and write on the wall and creat an imaginery friend. I'd feel like eraserhead no jeffery dahmer and serial kill, it'd give me a rush. More determination to live and subtract a life. I'd dismantle body parts like a doll. Be like charles manson but never get caught and put on death row. But you know what fuck it, people have the perception that I should be locked away. What you're scared of you have to get rid of right. I am to prideful to fear but deep down inside I am a little girl I am scared. I'm scared of myself. Scared to look at myself and be myself for too many years. Misery loves company and I don't want to be the next guest knocking at it's doors. Life is not everything if you couldn't catch on to the L.I.N.E. The situation for me is to undo justice that is falsely seen as justice. I'd rather die free than live trapped in a society only meant for one kind of rule. Your eyes maybe covered or even full on blind but I am wide awake on the defense for the next threat to my personality. Who I am. I don't agree with anyone or anything and don't strive to. Everything is blurred to me like smudged nail polish. This life time is a fume to me and thats not no kind of high for me. If I were on alcohol or even less sober I'd still see it that way. It's just my quote for you anyday. LI.N.E that'll never disappear.