in the year
2008 i wrote down any dream i had....these are some
a day after surgery my wife decides to move a pool table single
red haired cop takes me to his home and shows me santa claus
i watch a filming of dennis the menace and flirt with mrs. wilson
i get a job driving trucks that run on milk
i am on an airplane with a device that makes it seem like you're
flying like superman
a ride in an amusement park that simulates near drowning
lifeguard pulls man from pool with bullet hole in head
i am being pulled to a funeral by a tow truck
i am watching a balloon race where the contestants have five arms
i go to a theater and end up winning a puppy in a contest
i'm in a parking lot in a wheelchair but there is nothing wrong
with me. someone gives me enchiladas
i am at magic mountain with frank sinatra. he doesn't like the
figurines made of him there. he poses for a new one.
i see a skinny mexican in a casket wearing a sash of red flowers
i find out my real father is a black barber
i am on a baseball team called the "santa clauses". we have santa
claus suits and play against a team of crippled bar patrons.
i see a building shaped like mount rushmore is erected in los
angles and they add truman
i have a pair of sunglasses where it appears the sun is going
down over the ocean
jerry mathers impersonates a parrot
i am at a camp where cats are swimming and eating oranges
i see honeymooners at disneyland with cockroaches crawling on
a turtle gives birth to a turtle faced child
i am working at a bakery that makes pastries that resemble
i find out my neighbor is frankenstein's monster but i keep him
at bay by acting retarded
i think i have been at a theater watching a movie but find i have
only been looking into a cracked mirror
i watch a game where children hold flowers in their hand and
people try to dislodge them with streams of water
a speedboat hits a ferry. i go out to help but the water is only
a guy named chester asks me to make sure his ashes are thrown
into a waterfall, along with veal, after he dies
i go to the movies with beaver cleaver and lary mondello.
godzilla tears the roof off the theater
a friend and i go to a cary grant movie. the projectionist just
shows the last seconds of the movie. then a dance contest ensues.
the winner is a woman dressed as a pig.
i hold a female midget up into the air so she can watch her
my cat is painting flower pictures using her paw prints to make
a woman with a large Y shaped incision tells me she has no bones
someone throws a jiminy cricket doll at me
i help woody allen and a large black man move a refrigerator
a guy brags that he has had the rose parade re-routed so it goes
past his house
i see two elvises on the way to a taping of "the beverly
i go to a kindergarten class and teach them the "hot soup" song.
the teacher then announces we will be switching from things that
stick to your ribs to things that bruise your ribs and teaches us
the "buckle me" song which is about being hit with belts. a large
birdcage descends to shelter us.
i meet anthony quinn at a drive in theater and tell him i admire
his work as sheriff andy taylor
a kid dressed with a pumpkin head stands next to a church wall
blending in and then jumps out to scare people. then he tells
them to accept jesus because you never know when you could die of
a heart attack.
firefighters describe their life saving techniques to the tune of
bob dylan songs
i make an amplifier for jimi hendrix which he uses once at a
little league game
i am chewing green gum. a woman gives me red sprinkles to put on
it. this turns the gum pink and i fashion new lips from it.
i marry meryl streep's sister
my sister send me a cigar box full of batteries
a woman in a store window is showing passerby how to augment your
breast size by stuffing lucky charms cereal in one's bra.
i see santa claus in a cemetery. he is naked and has a hand where
his penis should be
pretty weird, eh ?