Notebook Writings #5

I feel this whole world is endless, and there will never be an answer. No simple answer. No complex answer. No small flicker of light. Of hope. Nothing. The whole world just goes on and on. Each day is lived, and times are had (but what bad times!), every day like the last. Until you die. That must be an answer of some kind. Death.

I do hate relationships. Everytime I talk to a girl and my mother gets ahold of it, she thinks I'm fucking her or something. She goes crazy and asks me what I'm doing with her and on and on and tells me that I have too many secrets. The truth is I'm completely insecure and unsure of the whole thing myself. 

Love hurts, but its worse when its lost

What I feel for you I've never felt before
I hope one day your ocean finds my shore
The world is waiting for whats in store
for us

Sometimes I wake up and I'm a kid again, running around and laughing and smiling and everyone is laughing and smiling at me and the sun is shining and theres a tomorrow. The grass is green and the world is mine and everything is wonderful. There is love in the world, and then I realize that this is not true. Those sudden realizations are the worst moments. They make me cry sometimes.

I'm sure the idea of girls talking about nothing but sex would make some guys real excited, but I had to hang around them for the whole day today, and I got real bored real quick.

I hate it when I hurt someone. It is the only time I feel I have a real reason to kill myself, hurting others. I can see why Hitler did it. 

There are times I feel your beauty is too much to handle, like a life, ready to explode. Then it does explode. And it's beautiful. I don't know what I like more; the anticipation of the explosion or the explosion itself. 

I once believed in magic, but it didn't believe in me. 

Nothing can replace the Holocaust.