Hey lovely lady,
I've finally managed to catch a free hour, this place is manic with work and 'commitments', but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm hoping to be home for Christmas, but the snow here is ridiculous. It's shut everything down which makes the buses an even worse squash than usual. I hate public travelling; give me back my convertible… ugh… I managed to check out the Booksie site, Dibs seems like quite a character, thrilled that he is an actual 'fan' of Shannan's, well done to her, and smart man him. Glad he is appreciative of my apology and our 'making up', but best warn him that we have lots of ups and downs as any healthy relationship does.
Shannan's wish clearly came true as I am indeed being worked to the bone, not the one that was very happy to read that I make you laugh though, heh heh, my funny bone ;) You really are a madam for getting Shannan to post our letters on her site, or do you have a password and you put them on there for her? I didn't know the poems were up there too! Bleak man, I thought those were only for me. I shall keep dreaming, hey, one day, maybe...
Right, I read my reply to you with my hang over and am doubly pleased I called you to apologise. Dibs was quite right that I was off sides even in my state, but you do that to me, you get me all riled up and irritated, yet still desirous and all charged up. Drives me mental and I have to get that out sometimes, not that it's an excuse, but it is the truth. The other truth is that I lasted that one lunch with the Brunette going on and on about her little dog, how much of a huge Christmas and family gathering person she is, as well as how wonderful she is because she is able to diet and I was OVER IT. Angel, she wanted me to meet her mother and her gay brother for tea the next day! I don't need that controlling, do things the way I've planned crap in my life. Seriously. What did she have for lunch? A tiny Greek salad and Tai tea. I think she was appalled that I had a manly burger and fries with everything, and didn't eat it in a manner her mother would have appreciated. Deleted her number from my phone in the car, pity she was sending me texts everyday for two weeks! You know I don't even bother to reply to them, when I'm not interested, I'm not interested. Why do girls hang on like they do? It just smacks of desperate and easy, and I'm not in my 20s anymore, so I'm not playing their game and appeasing their desperation for my ego amusement anymore. Where are the well grounded, 'normal', issue-free women these days? All I've been finding is girls; they aren't really women yet, with low self-esteem, insecurities and 'issues'. Help me out here, you're the most 'real' woman I know, don't you have friends you can introduce me to? Yeah, how come I've never been invited to those tea parties you're always telling me you go to? I can drink tea… heh heh… I'm teasing you ;) I'm still learning to drink tea ;)
Ok, my retake on the reply you / Shannan put on Booksie as REPLY THREE… so that makes this REPLY SEVEN in the flow of the posts. Just to reinforce the points I meant though, I did miss you on the dance floor, I wasn't that drunk. I would love for you to be making me breakfast. Jerk is a jerk. I would love to see you out socialising with us again. My aunt and uncle do think you are awesome and I'm totally up for making babies :) I do love your honesty.
Actually, rereading what I wrote, I meant some of those words genuinely, so I'm going to keep them out there:
1. The dates were my pleasure. Totally in every way, ready to go again when you are. Yes, he's a jerk, glad that's decided on. Therapy? You? You're shitting me. You don't need therapy… or do you? Have I missed something here? What did this guy do to you? Why don't you just be honest with him, like you are with me, email him and tell what's up…? Maybe he'll prove his 'jerk' status wrong and surprise me…
2. Physio? When did you start that again, I thought you were done? Don't get on your high horse, I was with Tania when you were in Johannesburg and as I recall you weren't with a 'whoever', you were with 'whoeverS'.
Reading your email TWO, seriously, Angel, that's really hectic what you've tried to do to get the jerk out of your system. Are you maybe hanging on sub-consciously for some or other reason? It sounds like a serious Achilles' Heel you've got going on there. I don't even know what to advise, it's totally out of my league. I'm surprised the counsellor couldn't help though. Sorry he made you mad… I'm happy to read the story if you want to write it…it all sounds really ghastly to be honest. Wish I could help. I do know how to get drunk and would be more than willing to do you the favour, but you know that isn't your style Angel, you know your not into that. Still you are gorgeous when you are all drunk and giggling. While we are on the subject: no getting fat and/or smoking either! Once again, please avoid the 'whale-with-ashtray-breath' look for me, pretty please. God is absolutely right, you stay right here on earth with us madam, no chariots, no jumping, no anything, do you read me? I used to love my cars the most, but I learnt that they don't give love back…hang in there Angel, it will come right again, it always does.
You're a strange one, flatter me like that for naught but friendship… you really are a unique lady. Thanks for all the compliments, let me know if you're keen to cash in and share any of them. Yes, why have you always been so anti-marriage? I guess I need to answer your questions here… the clubs and pubs… you're not the only one searching for something to fill a void, if I focus on my body, and satisfying its desires, then I can avoid the mess in my soul. You aren't the only one who's battling with balance. But don't you dare tell anyone I wrote that… I'm guessing none of my mates would go near a site like Booksie, touchwood. I've always felt bad about walking away that night, I should never have been so spineless; and that mate, yeah, I never realised he was so filthy. I'm sorry Angel. You wouldn't have to toss him; I did that shortly after the whole debacle of the emails. I never meant for your name to get trashed like it did. I don't mix with that crowd anymore; it was a slip in my character that won't happen again. I promise. I get what you mean though; your soul is still searching and still needs to find its home. I get that more than you'll ever know. Angel, I genuinely do hope that you find where you fit, you deserve to, you really do. Don't lose your faith; you've been so true to it for so long, stick it out, show us mortals how it is done ;) I'm sure you'll travel again and you'll figure out a way to get out of that tower, God is with you, He always has been, that's been very obvious since I first met you at Uni and you had that ridiculous long knitted jersey hooked up over your head in the rain. I recall Wade calling you Mother Mary and Greg never letting you forget! Maybe it's time for you to chill out, stop trying and just let God … yeah, let God hold you until He knows you're ready to go again… and you will go again, I have no doubt about that, you were made to keep going and doing, and God loves that :) Even if you aren't going to be going in my direction, I do love pretending and pestering you, it's fabulous fun! Sorry, I still can't remember the swings, it's been bugging me… although there is so much I don't remember about Uni, that it shouldn't be surprising.
You are sexy. You are beautiful, and I have tissues if you need them. Being alone isn't necessary, unless you know it is for now, but don't hang onto that darkness for too long, because then it will start doing damage. When you are ready, your mates are all here for you. Remember that, it's always your call. We're all evolving all the time, so maybe you need to get out and build the new you, instead of hoping she will come to you…but if not, that's cool too, you know yourself better than any of us do.
Well, I think you'll be pleased to read that being out in London and dealing with the cold and madness here, I'm actually attempting to deal with my faith issues. I've taken your advice, ha ha, I know, a first ;) and I'm reading Conversations with God by that Walsch chap. In fact, I'm completely blown away by how in tune the book is with what I've always thought to be the truth and how much I disagree with religion. I'm half way through already and I have a feeling that I'm going to be able to have more spiritual conversations with you in a short while. Just be patient with me for now, I promise I'm getting there and I can actually see a 'light' in my gloomy tunnel these days. So keep those prayers coming and I'll get back to you on this one. You'll be pleased to know that I haven't been to a club or gambling since I've been here, of course it's due to work, but I'm not missing them, so I think that's a great thing :D
Thanks for writing to me, not many people are very good at keeping in touch. In fact, it sucks at how useless they are!
I'll keep warm, you keep cool. Lotsa love, Dude!