Friday, February 10, 2012
Fuck that "Hello"
hell do I put myself through this?
Is it cause I'm slightly sadistic and the pain feels good?
Or maybe I'm slightly stupid and a little too naive--and I keep thinking that one of these days he'd throw it all away, take my hand and keep on running.
It's those stupid green eyes that I can't stand to look at.
That fucking voice when he speaks all raspy. Maybe I could have had it all... but I was a minute too late.
Even though I only see him once in a blue moon-- every single useless feeling comes back to the fore and I'm helpless yet again. We drink and shoot the shit, talk about life and progress, but meanwhile I'm dying ever so slowly on the inside. Don't put your arm around me. Don't hold my gaze, fuck don't even stare in my direction! I feel his eyes burning a hole in my skin and all I can do is politely smile back. I just want to push you away, I hate you.
...I didn't mean that.
Not even a little.
He believes in me. He wants me to succeed, and he may be the only man I've met that seems completely sincere.
So I began my monologue, "Have you ever been in love? ....horrible isn't it?...." But then I stopped. And he pushed me to go on, said the stage was open and I oughta give it to them... But I couldn't. I forgot my lines. My mind went completely blank and I was lost in a trance. "sorry. sorry. shut up, and change the subject"
Under my breath I'm cursing at him, yet the final blow to the stomach was when he left me with, "Darling,don't give me those eyes"
...darling I'm running away from you.