My Secret Diary

Chapter 1: Parents at their best

Dear Diary,

I'm not usually the type to write my feelings down into words. My best friend Dave says to "be a man and keep them bottled up." Butit's not my fault as to why I'm doing this. Mom and dad took me to see a shrink today because they think I'm not reaching my full potential. Ha! How little do they know. I'm just a little shy I guess, and don't go running around shouting to the world how I'm feeling at every moment. Afterschool, they picked me up and took me to see Dr. Grey. I first imagined him as this old, shriveled up doctor who just hasn't retired yet. Oh well, I guess he has to make a living somehow. I got out of the car, and walked into the clinic. It was really small, and smelt like apricots. I didn't say anything, except walked over to sit in a chair, cowering in the corner. Mom gave me a glare, as though this was just for my own good.

Can't she just let me be who I am? My entire life has consisted of just people telling me how to live my life the way they want it to be. I closed my eyes, and put my head into my knees. "It'll be over soon" I kept telling myself. I couldn't wait to get out of there. The apricots were starting to give me a headache; and dad's foot tapping against the floor in this repetitive tone wasn't helping either. I wish dreams did come true. If they did, I'd have a gun sitting in my lap, with my fingers clenched in its grip. My conscience telling me, "Go on Ant. Pull the trigger. I dare you to do it. Aren't you curious to find out what will happen?" God I wish I can aim it at my conscience and shoot that instead. But I guess if I could wish for something, it would be to get out of here.

Finally Dr. Grey came strolling out of his little office and made his way towards the lobby. He had a big smile on his face with big blue eyes. If only I had some red paint, then I can make him look like a clown. I chuckled to myself, and he looked down at me as if I really were nuts. But I didn't care much about what people thought of me. I always imagined that I wouldn't see them ever again anyways. Mom walked up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Dad just stood there, with that big vein popping out of his forehead; waiting to shake his hand and keep his lips off mom. I thought it was kind of funny. I always liked to see him get mad, or go off and hit mom on purpose. Oh how that would make my day. After kissing mom, he looked up at dad and said "welcome." Hehe, dad must have felt like an idiot holding his hand out smiling.

I turned to look back and see what was going on. The next thing I notice, there were these big blue, wrinkly eyes staring into my face. I jumped back a little. "Oh, its okay. I'm not going to hurt you." Yeah right, I thought. I glanced up at the adults standing in the room, all of them staring right down back at me. I shrugged, and walked down the hall into his office. Navigating my way through, I slammed my back against the wall in frustration. Mom and dad walked in, and gave me their usual "death stare." Smiling back at them, I knew they couldn't hit me in here, cause then Dr. Grey would know why I were here in the first place.

He slowly came in and sat down at his big wooden desk. He still had that clown face that I imagined on him. That big, repulsive smile. Now I know why not many kids enjoy clowns. I wouldn't want to be around someone smiling all the time. Especially one like Dr. Grey's. "Well, what here seems to be the problem," he blurted out. Dad went to speak, but I wasn't surprised when mom butted into the conversation. "Well Anthony isn't doing that well anymore. He never eats, and he never sleeps. All he does is mope around this house and be nasty to everyone. His grades are poor and I keep receiving complains from all of his teachers!" She looked like she was about to cry, and I was counting on it. Everything she said to him, I knew I would have to give an explanation for. And the only complaints from school she ever got, was one note from my music teacher, Mrs. Sing, and that was for not doing my homework for two nights in a row. But why should we get homework for music anyway? I always kind of thought it was ironic for a music teachers name to be sing.

"Anthony... Anthony.." Dr. Grey kept saying. I shook my head and noticed I stared off into space. Aw great, I thought; now he really does think I'm insane. "What?" Mom looked up at me with tears in her eyes. Why was she crying now? The big baby. "Don't you talk to him like that young man!" I hated when she called me that, it made me feel little. But I didn't want to be big either. I'll picture myself in the middle I guess; and stay that way. "I was just answering him, sheesh." Dr. Grey's phone rang. It was his wife. He looked up at the ceiling, and stared at the light. I wonder if he thought, do we think he's insane? He gently put the phone back on the hook, as though it were a fragile piece of glass. "I'm so very sorry. My wife called and she isn't feeling too good and I have to go home and check on her." Mom stood up and rushed up over to him, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you so very much!" Thank you for what, I wondered. He didn't even do anything. Figures she rescheduled the appointment for next week. Well, that gave me a week to come up with some excuse to get out of it. We walked out of the clinic and back to the car. Closing the door, I looked down at my feet. I knew mom would turn around to lecture me on something; anything. And, she did. "Now when we get home you march upstairs right to your room mister. I didn't like the way you treated Dr. Grey. He's only trying to help you because he cares." I rolled my eyes. If he cared, he wouldn't have stood us up.