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The Hidden Gate

Novel By: Avril360
Other


Girl..... Senior prom night..... gets kidnapped.... will she ever see her friends and family again??? View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3

Submitted: Apr 18, 2008    Reads: 186    Comments: 7    Likes: 1   


She found herself swaying to the sound of music, two hours until Avril Johnson's senior prom. She was a Goth, not emo, Goth. She dressed in all black, all the time. She had the perfect boyfriend and the perfect friends throughout the school year. And for the prom, she had the perfect dress. It was black, it had thin straps, and was so beautiful on her.

Her date for the prom/her boyfriend was Tyler Patterson. He wasn't Goth or anything. His parents owned a pretzel shop in the mall. It's called Patterson's Perfect Pretzel's. Anyway, they've only kissed once since they started dating 3 months ago, and she was hoping more magic was coming her way tonight.

Her mom Sylvia was call her from down stairs, "Avril! If you don't get down here right now this surprise, won't be a surprise later!" So Avril put on her dress and ran down stairs, tripping multiple times on her dress. And there right outside her front door, was a beautiful black and red car. Half an hour later, she got in her car and drove to the prom, she arrived and hour and fifteen minutes early. She stepped out, everyone staring at her. Tyler took her hand, and escorted her inside. Apparently, the prom started early.

The principal, Mr. Luther, was telling them the prom rules. But then, half the guys from the football team took him off stage, and started the music. Everyone started dancing like maniacs, when just then ninjas flew in from the roof, swapped Avril and started going up to a helicopter by a wire. Avril started screaming "Tyler! HELP! TYLER! Somebody help me!!! HEELLPP!!" When she reached the helicopter, she saw a girl. A girl with very ugly hair. Avril asked "Who are you? What do you want from me? Let me go." The girl said "I am the great and powerful Bella!" When Bella turned around she was the prettiest girl Avril had ever seen. Just her hair was very dry and full of dandruff. "I want you to show me where the source is!" "I don't know what your talking about!" "Oh no?" said Bella. "No!!" replied Avril. Ok, so Avril really didn't know what Bella was talking about. "I think you have the wrong girl," exclaimed Avril. "You are Bethey right?" asked Bella. No! I'm Avril smart one!" yelled Avril. Bella stopped the helicopter at this castle thing. There wasn't a gate in front of it though. "What the hell?" Avril exclaimed. "Openiando Lopaza Menito!" Bella yelled. Bella started to drag Avril through the door. She took her to this chamber with a steal door, with two other people in it. She locked Avril in.

“So, nice dress,” said one of the guys. “I’m Jonathan, but you can call me Johnny.” “Thanks for the compliment, and hi, I’m Avril, you can call me anything that regards to my name,” replied Avril.

“And I, am Drew,” said the other guy. “Just call me Drew, or Big D works too.” “I think I’ll stick with Drew. Wait, can I call you DD?” asked Avril. “Sure,” replied Drew. “So,” Avril started “how long have you guys been in here?” “What day is it?” Asked Johnny. “May 21st” replied Avril. “Three months,” said Johnny. “One year,” Drew said. “Why did Bella take you guys?” asked Avril. “She thought I was a male prostitute and wanted sex,” replied Drew. “Bella thought I was wealthy and wanted money,” said Johnny. “So… have you guys ever tried to escape?” Avril wondered. “Yes, many times. Except that Bella has a spell on the door and it can only be opened with her voice,” relied Johnny and Drew at the same time. “So……” Drew began “why are you here?” “Bella thought I knew where the source was. I don’t even know what the source is!!” exclaimed Avril. Months passed and Drew, Johnny and Avril’s friendship grew and grew. Soon it was up to the point where both Drew and Johnny were dating Avril, off and on, one after another. Unfortunately, Avril realized she was still wearing her prom dress. Johnny and Drew were always dying to take off her dress. Only once they succeeded because she was in a deep sleep. She woke up when they had all her clothes off, she just acted like she didn’t mind because hey, her clothes were already off. “Oh fuck yeah!!!!!!! Fuck yeah, that’s it!!!!” Avril screamed. Johnny and Drew were officially having sex with her. “AAAAHHHHHHH!!! Fuck yeah!!!!!” Avril could feel the orgasm hit her real hard. She mad a promise to herself that she wouldn’t have sex until she was a high school graduate. But hey, 2 months, close enough. They did this while Avril was asleep almost every week, but it wouldn’t be the same for a little while.


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Comments:

Wow. Very different from what you used to write, especially in the last paragraph. If you're going to write about people having sex though, it should be more explanitory. And remember to indent every time a new person speaks! I was confused when Avril and Bella were talking. And don't RUSH THINGS. Take it slow, it's a novel, it's supposed to be long with many chapters. But this was a good write, and I can't wait until you update me with the next chapter! Also don't use /. in the beginning when you said prom date/her boyfriend, don't say that. Say Her prom date was her boyfriend, Tyler. BUT FABULOUS:D can't wait

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thanxx!!!!

this is really really good!!! i enjoyed it!! off to read the next chapter!!!

Posted: Apr 21, 2008

Author Comment:

thanxx! seesawmae!! comment on the second one too!!! you'll like it if you like the first one!!!

Hey! Nice first chapter...it goes really fast, though. It's okay to take more time to explain things to your reader...but keep writing! I really liked it! :)

Posted: Apr 29, 2008

Author Comment:

thanxx!! read my other poems and short stories too!! and comment!!

oh wow. it's a good concept, but watch your formatting, the dialogue gets really confusing when people forget to start new lines.

Posted: May 7, 2008

Author Comment:

ok... thanxx 4 the tip... oh yeah.. AND THANXX 4 DA COMMENT!!!

Very nice I like it, you were a bit short in some places and I didnt realy like the last paragraph but still very good :)

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

thanxx!!! just that you commented is good so i can make da next chapter even better!!!

Your dialogue format is confusing. Remember to start a new paragraph any time the person talking changes. It's good though.

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

thanx!!!

very different. Well done, but rather abrupt. Cant wait to see where your going with this.

Posted: Jun 6, 2008

Author Comment:

it's very interesting. and a bit funny. in the last chapter.... you have to wait and see what will happen



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