Welcome, to the first day in an experimental writing peace that I would like to call my life, my mind, and well the things that I may find.  My name, well it is Brian Boisvert, but B Leaf is who I am and what I feel.  For now I am not going to go back and start at the beginning I am going to start with what is in my head now and it has to do with these movie life styles and children of the modern age.  In regards to my story I am eighteen and I was born on January 14, 1990.  Take this into consideration if you need to but don’t discredit me on my wisdom and insight into this modern world do to my age.  One more note I may want to add and yes I am jumping around.  This is not supposed to be doctored up and perfect.  The purpose of this piece of writing is for anyone including myself to get something from it to possibly help them understand or better them selves or maybe even have something to poke fun at and say “wow that is the most retarded idea I have ever heard.”  Feel free to say that if you want to I don’t care I am not going to hold much back this is going to be real.  It is difficult to hit all the darkest corners of your life with a flashlight two of the cobwebs in my life I will not be able to locate and share with you.  Other then those I will not keep you eyes under a veil of my deceit.  I am a high school drop at who got a G.E.D. don’t assume I am not of a high intellect or a stupid person due to the fact I left high school. If you really want to know the last time I took an I.Q. test I had an I.Q. of one-hundred-forty-five.  I have my fair share of this so called best years of you life.  Honestly in my opinion the years are not necessarily over rated but the actual implied idea of spending these years partying and getting fucked up is.  I am going to swear honestly get over it or stop reading.  I need to find me somebody to love to quote a queen song but when I say somebody to love I will leave it up to interpretation for you take it as you will whether it be boyfriend or girlfriend the real idea is that you can love a good friend.  Love is not talking about dating and romance but a general concern for the well being of a person that is my definition add it to your dictionary if you want to.  I love my friend I could change his name but I am not going to.  His name is Billy and he is now a father of a little boy named Colin .  Jessica is his girlfriend and the mother of his child.  Now you may ask there age and I will tell you.  Billy I believe may have recently turned twenty and Jess is seventeen if I am correct.  She got pregnant when she was sixteen.  Jessica was skipping school all the time and Billy also dropped at of school at one point.  Billy’s parents ended up kicking him out of the house and do not have any interest or intentions of being associated with him or the child.  Jess had an abusive father that during the pregnancy put his knee on her stomach and his weight on her while she was on the ground.  Eventually some form of legal action was taken I believe and Jess and her two sisters and mother are now living in their house without her father.  Billy is currently unemployed but he is looking for a job.  Both Jess and Billy are living with Jess’s mother.  No that I have told you were we are not and how we got there a little I can go back even further to how myself and Billy met.  I had a person that at the time I considered a friend and I met Pete through another friend named Susan.  I had been  hanging out with Pete for a while now and I was sixteen maybe seventeen at this point in my life and with I Pete I had started to adventure into the best years of your life lifestyle.  During the times I spent with Pete I tried damn near most drugs under the sun.  I have used cocaine, ecstasy once, amphetamines, vicatin, percocet, mushrooms marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes, valium even though it is an anti anxiety medicine, on the same track klonopin I think that may be it.  It might have been easier to tell you the drugs I promised myself I would never do and didn’t want to do oxycontin, heroin, or acid.  Pete had moved to his cousins house and ended up getting kicked out for stealing dvd’s and selling them at E.B and we would go buy weed.  I was an accomplice to this but I guess I don’t really feel all that bad because it wasn’t on me and Pete would lie to me enough so that I could play arrogant and lie to myself.  He was kicked out and moved back in with his parents.  He had the sweetest little mother and a nice father he was brought up Christian and his family was a Christian family.  Not to hate on religion or anything I believe in a lot of different aspects of different religions I just find it odd how somebody can steal or murder and do things of that sort and be able to apologize and be forgiven.  It makes sense I am not discrediting god I do believe in god but for some reason I don’t think that god would just right away wipe your slate clean because he asked for your forgiveness.  Then again does god really put a weight on your crime or is there even a such thing as crime to god was it just invented by a society that tries to keep us in line and separate us at the same time.  What is the difference between a rich man and a poor man.  Nothing they both get paper that is worth nothing and back by what things that look pretty and are found in the earth hidden so that people can never use them and we use paper instead.  So we use paper backed by the gold that will never be seen?  What is the purpose if having the gold if it is just sitting in a vault someplace.  Shouldn’t the miners have left it in the ground and we could still use pretend money to buy stuff.  Nope that concept is way over us we like to pretend that the paper in our hands is worth our effort when it isn’t.  Who is the government to force us to work to have a roof over our head.  If I could chop down a tree and build my own house and get my own food would  I have to pay to the government to live my life If I was perfectly happy living that way.  Lets say we have people who just naturally love cooking why can’t we have these people head restaurants free of charge.  The hours may not be as long as they are now but if someone truly loves cooking I guarantee you could see them do it all day.  Personally I love a lot of things and I do them sporadically throughout the day.  My mother loves to garden and be outside in her life.  She has a job working as a Lab manager at a hospital in New Hampshire and her name is Karen.  I feel that if we are not forced to try to get money so that the government can keep us in line doing god knows what none of the rules make sense to me.  What is the government doing by making us believe in money.  Is the only purpose of a government to keep order.  Who is to say that we want order in our life why can’t we do what we want when we want.  A good counter argument to myself inside my own head though is how would we still have internet and inventions and things like these.  Well you do have your people that like to tinker and play with things if any one has the chance can you ask Bill Gates if he had plans of being really rich or he just liked to tinker.  Honestly to the answer of that question I have no idea what it would be.  I won’t lie I do rely on money we  all do we are all trapped in this web.  Unlike what I feel a majority of the people of this world do and get trapped in the misery of the work world. I am not willing to put aside my happiness and settle for a form of work that I love.  Does this take an effect on people the answer is yes I am a parasite at this time in my life sadly.  I suck the life out of my mother am I a spider?  I have gone to college and am going to a different school now but more on that later.  So Pete got kicked out and moved in with his parents and his parents went away for the weekend.  Pete at this point was twenty and I was seventeen.  We had a party at his house it was not really all that eventful but some jewelry went missing.  It turned out Pete stole a lot of his own mothers jewelry and went to a pawn store.  He traded the shiny necklace and bracelet for some paper to maybe roll the trees that may have made it.  Shortly after before or after this he was sent to some form of rehab and came back clean but started to use again.  At this point Pete had found someone to live with in Derry he was living in Manchester.  The person he moved in with was Ben; Billy had also lived with Ben there have been multiple occasions where Billy had been kicked out so he has lived with both Ben and his father and mother and Jess’s father and mother.  Here at Bens house I now met Billy.  See that an interesting completely unrelated idea all coming back to one conclusion brilliant if I do say so myself.  Billy was eighteen almost nineteen at this time and I was still seventeen.  Currently I was smoking weed and drinking and doing all of this not the mushrooms but those were and occasional thing and I had still not done the ecstasy.  It was fun in all when I started you would actually laugh when you smoked weed but maybe it is the people that surround you that make it good not actually the drug itself.  I think that is the way it is in all things of life these people were my friends but none of them really seemed to be good friends either using me because I had money or something related to that a car ect.  Billy has told me that he didn’t really like me at first and he had when I was driving my mothers car egged it when it was in the drive way honestly couldn’t care less just find it amusing.  When I say people I don’t mean Billy or Chad or Sal.  I’m a very giving person but sometimes people are really good at taking who knew.  The other personalities in the reality show that is set at Ben’s house are Marc, I can’t spell his name but here it is Dougy, Ricky, Ben’s Dad, Ross, Ross’s cousin, Jack, Steve, Chunk.  So I am a high school drop out with a car no job and not in any college up to this point. I had worked two jobs none longer the two months.  I was going to bens house every day with money that my mom  would give me and we would start to drink at maybe six pm get a handle of vodka two thirty packs every day differed.  My mom gave me the money for my car to put gas in it I would sell my own movies that my mother had baught for me I would sell video games and I am not proud of it but I have stolen money from my mother and it is wrong but I keep it in the back of my hand and know that it is my karma that is out of line until I have the ability to redeem and replace what I have taken and I do plan on doing it.  The good thing is that she does not know I did it.  That may sound like a bad thing but it allows me the chance to replace it and I can hope that she will not notice that she got extra money from anywhere that way she doesn’t know any of it happened and I am able to clear my conscious.  Honestly for her life it probably would have been better if she had found out I was.  I am not saying I took thousands of dollars or anything but twenty here twenty there.  Think of me as you will but I already have made peace with myself to a degree on this issue and do have plans of making it better with myself image in our relationship.  I formed different people submissive, passive, giddy, ect.  I fell into a sort of doctor Phil role with Billy.  When I say I formed different people I am implying that I act differently when I am around different people and that I alter who I am as a whole based on who surrounds me but that is true for everyone in all aspects of life.  But this is wear I met Billy and this is how I start the first day of the story I will tell.