Here we are again sorry that I was cut short yesterday I never had the chance to finish the entire point I was trying to make.  Hopefully I can expand on the idea and finish it today.  I just want to start off by saying not that I expect that you would pity or praise me but if you do I don’t need pity and I am not doing this for praise.  That set aside I am also no expert on any of the things I talk about honestly who is to say they are an expert on anything if you are an expert how much room for error do you have one percent.  Honestly I think all experts are not  even qualified to be experts I think they are highly adept in the things they do but no where near experts.  I am not trying to say that what I feel is the end all be all of answers I am just an eighteen year old showing you the world through my eyes and the things that I can suggest that might help out others that I have experienced.  Yesterday I was talking about drugs and movies to an extent.  I did sort of run on into a bunch of other topics and for that I apologize.  If you look at this world and your memories, your experiences, they are all a very long chain of metal that branches off as well as interconnects with each little segment reminding or connecting you to at least one memory if not more.  This is the way that my mind works so in order to finish off one of my thoughts I need to present you with all the correlating thoughts in my head I guess in order to sum up my conclusions.  Yesterday I was trying to get towards help for parents and realization of what is going on with kids today as well as kids that may still be young and read this not that it is necessarily language friendly.  I will give my personal suggestions on what to look for that I did personally while I was using drugs.  I will also cover my outlook on the time spent, my regrets, and the world as I see it now as apposed to when I was impaired living in it.  Yes I am a sober person now I do drink occasionally.  In order to get to the end we must go back to the beginning.  The first thing that I can remember in my life in some sort that is related to drugs is when I was six.  I lived in Feeding Hills Massachusetts.  If you haven’t heard of it, it is located near Springfield.  My father and I were on the couch watching TV and he was drinking a red dog.  For some reason he thought it would be a great idea to give a six year old a sip of beer so that is what happened.  There after he got up to go to the bathroom or something like that and I took another sip and this started me on the path of sneaking drinks.  I am going to state that I think it is completely appropriate for a parent to honestly give there children the option to drink while completely defined as illegal by the United States of America for anyone to drink before the age of twenty one.  That said though there are specific aspects and reasons that I would like to incorporate with that statement in itself.  The age would be a factor I am not saying get your six year old drunk and I am not saying put a funnel down your sixteen year olds throat and force him to drink ten beers in ten minutes.  During specific holidays when the so called “grown ups” are drinking I personally believe that this would be an occasion that some form of wine or whatever may be acceptable to an extent.  But honestly drinking in excess on holidays is one of our problems as a country and parent in the eyes of out children in the first place.  If they see Christmas time as this magical happy thing as a kid and they see you just hammering down hard eggnogs.  Would this not in there head to an extent associate the celebration on things with an excessive amount of drinking in my mind this would bring a correlation between the two.  If a child that is young learns to associate celebration with alcohol you may not see them learning or doing this but they will subconsciously if in the appropriate environment.  These again are my opinions I am no expert of children psychology.  Now these children grow up and they get through a week of school isn’t that something to celebrate.  If you are taking one week of school at a time that would be something to celebrate.  I am not necessarily saying  that drinking on the weekends in high school is bad honestly I would say that at least a minimum of sixty percent of the students drink on one of the weekends in a month.  Parents that are reading this if your kid wants to drink they are going to find a way regardless of what you do unless you lock them in the banks safe and don’t let them out to see light.  That is of course not the way to approach it.  If you consider that your kid will drink if they want to and you know this then why endanger your own Childs life by letting them drive to some strangers house.  Get drunk possibly get into trouble be around an environment that encompasses possibly much more then drinking and possibly may be a danger to them physically as well as mentally.  So your kid is driving home drunk and crashes into a tree because you gave them money to go to the movies but they went and got a handle of vodka and drank it at a party and thought they could drive home.  You don’t know how many times we don’t go to the movies or the ball game or the library or where ever we say we are going get some kind of proof.  I know I lied my ass off and never went to the movies I even lied about going to a theme park once.  Anything is possible just see if you can’t get a ticket stub.  Then again you would also have to consider that your child is trying to break away and have you trust them and there decisions in life so this may be hard to do.  All I am suggesting is that instead of having to worry about your children as well as other peoples children and even the other people on the road have a small group of your son or daughters friends over your house take the keys away until the morning, supervise and be a designated sober person and just keep things safe and enjoyable like they are intended to be.  This is again completely illegal but isn’t the alternative also another illegal thing that is endangering live to a much greater extent.  At the parties that you may not even know are parties “I am sleeping over Johnny’s house” sound familiar.  Some times they really may be but other times they are having sex with girlfriend, boyfriend, getting drunk, ect.  You may know this I am just trying to reach every little corner.  At these parties though it is not only drinking far from it.  You walk into a party you gave them money to see a movie let’s say twenty dollars.  Your child had someone get them a cheap six dollar bottle of vodka.  That leaves them fourteen dollars.  I am not sure that you know how much trouble someone can get into now a days with fourteen dollars.  With fourteen dollars you could be doing a third gram of cocaine at a party.  You could be doing ecstasy, smoking weed honestly not a horrible thing but not as un harmless as people make it out to be.  Your child could be tripping on two tabs of acid for fourteen dollars for all you know.  So your kid is on acid at an unsupervised party and needs to drive home, doesn’t sound like a situation that I would want my kid in.  Consider keeping your kid safe by realizing they are going to get into so called “trouble”  What is the logistical reasoning for people under the age of twenty one not being able to process alcohol.  I believe at one point I had heard it effected liver development to some degree, but also I recall in health class that your liver is developed by eighteen if I am correct.  I am done with that little rant even though I could go so much further but just think about it.  I still have not finished though I left off at six years old.  My parents got divorced in the beginning of my third grade year.  I had had my first crush ever on a girl in the kindergarten by the name of Malory.  I don’t remember much I believe we were playing hide and go seek and we hid in the same place and at one point she kissed me on the cheek.  In the first grade I got a ring from one of those twenty five cent machines and I left it on a girls desk.  I also gave her a sweatshirt that my mom had helped me make.   In the first grade I also bought a necklace for the same girl and when I say I, I imply my mother bought it for me to give to her.  She would not accept it and I ended up just giving it to a girl that liked me that I had no interest in.  Why these are the events and things I remember I don’t know, but I do.  In the second grade I had my first real crush and bout of jealousy I guess you could say.  My family had now moved to Amesbury Massachusetts due to the fact that my father was a retail manager and we were moved almost every two years.  This is the first time that I really started to develop good friends in school.  This is also the first time I have to leave my best friends and it seriously effects me.  I had a crush on this girl named Courtney but for some reason she never really like me.  She liked me as a friend and I am not sure if a seven year old can be a flirt but she was.  She had a crush for this other guy that I went to an after school day care I guess you could call it.  I believe the name was Saint James Place.  This was the first thing I was ever jealous about she liked him but for some reason I wasn’t good enough to like for her.  Enough of that though  I had always played sports up to this time soccer, baseball, basketball, golf, and tennis.  My mom tells be that I had wanted to be a professional baseball player at one point in my life.  In Amesbury I was on the travel soccer team and that was very enjoyable for me.  I remember I was always the type of kid that would play sick it is just what I did.  I had this baby sitter named Liz she was the first I really don’t know a good way to put this but huge person I had ever seen.  She would drive me to my school in the morning and she would always watch chips for some reason.  We took the Iowa tests in the third grade and I was awarded a medal for my performance in math I was in the ninety-eighth percentile for math.  Not really that tough in the third grade though.  From here on out my intelligence is not lacking but my ability and my understanding is masked by the horrible school system and plan that we have in place right now.  This is up to and past the divorce and my school life that correlates with it for the most part.  Off to Londonderry New Hampshire my current place of residence.  He my mother re married and I had a step brother now.  My father also re married and I had a step brother on that side as well.  I will go more in depth upon those relationships at another point but it would take to long and be off topic.  For the most part all you need to know is that David son of my mothers husband Don smoked weed and drank as well as stole and sold my x box at one point.  During this point in my life I found it to be a moronic and dumb idea to smoke and drink little did I know I would wind up doing the same things he did.  Two years after they were married Don and my mother divorced due to David’s lack of respect my mom says.  We moved at and now live in the house that we currently call our home.  I started to drink in this house and do way more then that as well.  I was going to a LAN center in Derry New Hampshire at this age called Mr. B’s.  What a LAN center is for those who don’t know it is a place with lots of computers and x boxes all hooked up together so you can go and compete against other people at video games.  Here I met a girl named Shay I guess girls are the death of me.  Shay talked about how she drank.  This made me go home and sometime there after for her acceptance I guess you could say I started to drink but it was not necessarily for her acceptance I just wasn’t happy.  Over the few years I stopped playing all the sports I had loved and I began to eat an excessive amount of food.  The reason I was eating an excessive amount of food is because the step brother at my fathers house was saying I had a double chin when I was maybe let’s seen ten or eleven.  This was in no way true and now I realize that it wasn’t true but these few little words changed my life and who I am.  I ended up actually becoming fat even though I was skinny. I thought I was fat so I just became much fatter eating anything in my path.  I started drinking shots of hard alcohol at eleven and popping pain pills that I had from when I broke a bone at twelve.  I knew how to make acid at thirteen not that I ever did.  At thirteen also I began to take excessive amounts of dextrometaphan correct me on spelling if you feel like it.  The active ingredient in cough medicine.  This ingredient actual creates euphoria and makes you trip.  I was going to school tripping and drunk ect.  Later I ended up going to a different LAN center where I go the worst and I could say best advice of my life.  I was now sixteen and I hadn’t seen my father in three and a half years he would always come up with a reason to not visit me and I did not like going to there house because they forced me to do chores on the 2 days I went every other week how am I supposed to enjoy that.  Here there was the owner of the LAN center his name was Bill.  The LAN center went by the name of Area 51 and at this point in my life in school I was a hated person I guess you could say there had been lots of drama at the school and for some reason the whole entire school thought I was gay.  More on the counseling sessions from hell we really need to get these retarded and moronic counselors and disciplinarians out of the school system they fuck more people up then the ultimate fighter.  So Bill told me that I would be cooler if I smoked cigarettes and weed I might enjoy my high school life more.  Bill had done acid and pretty much everything except heroine.  This is a thirty year old man playing games with my life.  Since I didn’t have a father figure though I am like wow okay you got me if you say it will work I am going to go looking.  I started smoking cigarettes at sixteen and I started smoking weed shortly there after.  The first time I ever smoke weed I didn’t really get that high but I had some munchies.  I ate a shit ton of chocolate chip cookies.  I did this with Susan.  Susan and I became more close and she started to date peter and this is where the cycle starts back up I guess the would be your prequel to yesterday so sorry about that.  Kids and sex for parents this is not really a topic that I can be that in depth on I do not have a very lucrative excessive sex life so that is that.  All I can say though is kids look at porn much younger then you think.  I swear the first time I looked at porn I was probably seven or eight so just keep that in mind.  Talk to you children about sex and drugs.  When you did them if you did them anything also but you children condoms I may even do that as young as eleven now this world is getting scary.  For anyone that listens I lived the best years of my high school life living the supposed best years of my life.  From the outside looking in I may have seemed happy but I was far from it.  If you think the people that do ecstasy are happy they aren’t they are running away from something in their life as I feel most people that begin to use and depend on drugs in a daily and excessive matter are hiding from there problems.  Weed while it may seem harmless and I would classify it as harmless to an extent it is a very acceptable recreational drug that honestly I don’t think parents should be all that upset about or flip out about.  I mean how many of you were flower children just be honest to yourself and you kids and they more then likely will be honest with you.  My mother told me all the drugs she has done and I told her the drugs I did it was not she was completely unaware.  I really don’t know how her and I worked in that time of my life it is funny she knew I was doing this but really didn’t seem to do anything.  If you have a problem in life don’t run from it or deny it ever happened.  Hiding it or forgetting it are one thing and when I say hiding it I don’t mean having a problem and pretending it is not there as well as when I say forgetting it I don’t mean drinking it into not being there anymore because it doesn’t work.  When I say forget I mean think of it and gradually be more comfortable with what happened in order to move on you need to forgive yourself or the other person that causes you all this pain the only way to heal is through forgiveness.  Our biggest critics are ourselves and this is not really a topic I can talk much about because I am a huge critic of myself I could tell you to not care what others think it doesn’t matter what you look like.  Sorry in life it does matter what you look like it may sound vain but if you look at society in a whole it is really relevant.  Myself I may have a problem right now I am 5’11 3/4” and I weigh one-hundred-sixty-four pounds.  I am still highly concerned that I am not skinny enough. I think that I am fat because of this Hollywood image that people are seeing.  I will not be happy with the way I look until I have a six pack  I am brain washed.  What gives these school children the fucking drive to abuse each other verbally what the fuck is the point.  Are we in a pissing fight over seeing who is the highest in the high school hierarchy.  Who is the most powerful in the school.  Would Hitler have been the most powerful in his school.  Is high school genocide ask yourself that one and if you were one of the people that participated in it maybe you should help your kids not grow up the same way and maybe let yourself feel at rest and get peace for you.  I’m sure that some people regret but others will always just be cold and heartless.  I guess I can end by saying the as is Hollywood an illusion of a world so is the world that is the best years of our life.  Look in the mirror at who you are now and the good friends around you and your family and if you have that it doesn’t matter these are the best years of your life through the good or bad.