Today many thoughts have come across this rattled cage. I figured out one that could lead into the stories that I would talk much more about on day four. Today’s lucky thought that is susceptible to my eternal pondering would be the power of the mind and the will to completely alter your body and life. I will start back when I was eleven and delve into examples of how the power of the mind and influences of others can alter your body and self impression of who you are. I was your average eleven year old rather cute from what I was told and looking back at my pictures I was of a normal weight. My step brother from my fathers second marriage was not necessarily a bad person but at a young age I was highly susceptible and naive willing to believe any lie that was told to me. I mean who doesn’t believe in Santa clause when there young and look how that turned out. Following the divorce my father was given the rights for me to visit him every other weekend. He was living in Chelmsford Massachusetts at the time in a very old house built in the 1700’s. His wife’s name was Amy she was an overweight part time art teacher that did I don’t know what with herself all day long. Honestly I could give two shits now. I recollect that I would always be doing chores every single time I would go over their house on the weekends. I see Amy sitting on her ass as we raked what I would describe as a large yard but in all honesty it was about a little more then half an acre. She would then come out to check out on Michael her son and myself she thought it would be a great idea to say that the thirteen year old and the eleven year old are not doing a good enough job for her. When someone is doing chores for you so you can sit on your lazy ass you should probably take the quality of work that you are given a few leaves here and there doesn’t mean shit so please let the small stuff go. My father and I used to wrestle up to the point I was eleven or twelve. We had stopped at this point not due to the fact that my dad was getting to old. The reason we stopped is due to Michael taking a special thing to me at that point in my life and of course he wanted to bond with my father as well I understand this. I have no problem sharing this entertainment and bonding but he just took it way to far he was extremely rough and he took it way over what it was meant to be. The intentions were that of having a play fight due to this my father ended up stopping because it would cause him pain due to the roughness of Michael. Does this sadden me yes but it does not really matter all that much to me. Another distinct thing that affected my happiness in the environment of my fathers house hold was their attempts to make me a part of the family. I remember there answering machine would always say you have reached Paul, Amy, and Michael. I asked my father to put my name on the machine because I felt that I was one of the family members not in those words but the basic concept. I believe Amy replied for him something she did very well. He was pussy whipped I guess pardon my language and expression. She replied who will be calling for you at our house any ways why would you need to be on the answering machine. This made me an outsider and began the decent into hatred for this woman even though that may have started earlier the timing of the events is difficult to determine. It shouldn’t matter if I will get any damn calls I am an eleven year old wanting to be incorporated into something that I still defines as if you are a part of the family make it a family answering machine or put every damn name on it don’t make black sheep. Michael had been placed on the honor role at one point as I may have already said. Throughout and after the divorce my school work and ambition to do well in school dwindled and fades. This is not to say that I am not learning the material they are teaching far from it. I just become lazy start skipping school and faking sick as well as flat out not doing any home work. I have said this already I think homework is pointless it doesn’t really help you remember jack shit. This lady though has the nerve to look at my report card from the fourth grade and by the way in fourth grade I was in advanced placement math I was doing algebra in the sixth grade use that as a basis. So she has the nerve to comment about how I got a C in my math class and how I wasn’t on the honor roll like her fucking perfect angel of a son. I was more likely then not taking the same math course as him if not an even more advanced one I had all A’s and B’s besides this one bad grade. This is another piece of advice for parents and school. Don’t ever punish your kids for bad grades this is just something that will separate you and to an extent make your children distain you. The other piece of advice I would give is that you don’t reward your children for there good grades besides the reward of your praise and approval with congratulations. My mother tried to implement a plan where I would get a pre ordained amount of money for a specific grade A’s Thirty dollars B’s twenty ect. These are not exact numbers just an example. Honestly I would recommend that you take a part in your child’s school life of course. The extent of which you are involved in their school is something different entirely. I would not put pressure on them to meet a specific level of grade because this will make them feel inadequate in your eyes if they fail to do this thus cause them to slip deeper into a cycle of feeling as if they are incapable of getting good grades. Grades are important yes but up through middle school lay the hell off your kid if you are going to nit pick. In high school I would still suggest that you do not pressure your kid to get specific grades but mention that colleges will see the grades that you have now and this will determine the limitations of school options that you have after high school. Other involvement I would most definitely suggest to start for you kid is right when they get home have them sit down at the table and do there home work before watching television or anything related to that when they are younger. Maybe give them some form of snack before you ask them to sit down for the day and finish their home work. The older they get allow them to listen to music or watch TV just try to keep the idea of doing your work right once you get home so you can be done. I didn’t have the privilege of this I was a procrastinator and an all out liar when it came to home work. I did watch one of my friends though and the manner in which his parents handled it he was required to finish his home work first. The more you try to force something upon your child the less likely they will want to do it. Give them the option and ability to do anything whether it be drawing, dancing, acting, or anything else let your children start to make decisions about what they want to do and what they like on their own. Don’t force your kids to play sports if they do not want to I can understand that you may want to present them with the option and if they like the concept of this then let them go do it. Say you are watching a basketball game on TV and you say to your kid how would you like to join a basketball league and go play with kids your own age. Not saying we are signing you up for this league you are going to go play basketball. I have to say I hate being an only child so much it sucks so bad not being able to have a sibling. I am spoiled yes but I don’t care about that it doesn’t matter to me I want to have someone to listen to me around my age in my family that I can talk about things that I can’t talk to mom or dad about. I added dad not for my situation specifically but as a complete picture to the parents title. It would have been great to be able to give advice to a little brother and help raise him and tell him the things that I had already learned. I would have loved a sister not entirely sure how that would have gone but it would have been nice I bet. Older brother would have been incredible someone to show me the path and counsel me a role model more closely related to my age. What I am getting at here is that in my personal experience I would have been able to be much more level headed as well as productive and motivated had I had a sibling. This is all inference but from the bottom of my heart I find it true just through the observation of families with multiple children. When I say observation of families I mean my friends families. This is to your discretion but I would most definitely suggest having more then one child not for your sake but for the sake of your child. Don’t let my experience as an only child be the end all be all of how people like being only children. Well that was a long branch of the tree I am growing. My father had bought a bed for me when he was living alone still before he married Amy we had gone to the store and picked it out together just for me. When he first started to date Amy she would sleep over his apartment in Andover. I used to have bad nightmares and I would run to my parents room and sleep with them because I was scared. My suggestion again would not to be allow your child to sleep with you while it may help them it will cause them to be dependent on sleeping with you when scared. I still have a tendency to occasionally be scared shitless and want to sleep with my parents. I would suggest that you get up and bring them back to bed and stay with them until they fall asleep. On another note read as many books with your children as you can give them the option to start learning early. I learned multiplication when I was six start to teach your kids think of them as smart people that can learn don’t assume they will not grasp somewhat complex concepts give them the option to. I was scared one night though and I was not able to sleep with my dad cause Amy was over and this was a very angry moment for me. The main point is after he moved to his house in Chelmsford we still had the bed but he decided that he wouldn’t put it in the room that they had designated for me. He decided that it would be a great idea if my hand picked bed that I had selected with my father should be kept in Michael’s room. Looking back on this I now notice that I was angry and jealous about this. Michael at this point starting being cruel verbally me being eleven him being thirteen. He began to say that I had a double chin. For some reason he would also point out that my ass crack was showing when I bent down gather some courtesy and just suck it up. The fact that he had continuously said I had a double chin insured in my head that I was really fat even though I was far from it. My mind told me I was fat because I have been hearing it for so long that I started to feel it was true. Once I started to think it was true it became a reality. I still to this day think I have a double chin and will not get over it this is my primary concern in my pictures videos every aspect of my life. Maybe if we constantly are not negative about the aspects of peoples outside we can compliment them and this will boost their morale and make a progressive change in their life for the better. Mothers have the strength to life a car of their child mind power. Can someone point out the person on this earth that determines what is humanly capable and what is impossible. If we only use twelve percent of our brain then how do we really know what is humanly capable. I feel very strongly about this. I feel that if you believe something so hard in your mind and you hope for it to be real then it will be. This may sound like some fairy tale thing to keep people dreaming. Try it and I don’t mean try it on something you think is impossible because if you think it is impossible then you have already not allowed yourself to ever accomplish or do this impossible objective. I will leave off tomorrow with the influences on my self reflection and how I received so much shit through high school and middle school verbally. Rumors kill people as at one point they killed me with only nine words my life was destroyed. I would forever be known as gay. Even now in college people asked me if I was gay. Did I really extrude supposed gay indicators when I was twelve or did I pick them up because for six years of my life people told me I was gay. Your mind is the only thing with power. Survive yourself. Cancer has no power the brain will triumph if you know that we are strongest where we can not be seen and judgments are not based on appearance. Believe Dreams. I dream till I die and my heart holds my belief my brain tells my heart this world can achieve peace.