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Nothing To Live For

Novel By: Camisado92
Other



Blair Hardrum is like any other girl. THe only difference is she is the one. The one who sits in the back of the class and stays quiet. THe one who does two questions of math homework and pretends she did it all. The one with the sucidal mind. As she embarks on a journey to get over her depression and panic attacks, will she realize what life really means? View table of contents...


Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Submitted:Apr 19, 2007    Reads: 108    Comments: 4    Likes: 0   


Wounded-Good Charlotte

That I'm open and I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me,
So you come along,
I push you away,
Then kick and scream for you to stay.
Cuz I need someone to help me,
Oh I need someone to help me,
To help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them,
I need someone to help me fill them,
I need someone to help me close them up

Blair had drove for most of the night and the sun was now rising. She didn't even feel tired. She felt exited, energetic, and awake. The car was full of gas and she had nothing but a stretch of pavement ahead. She stopped at a red light and decided to look for a c.d. to listen to. Her mind wandered back to a session. Jason and her had been talking about music and what bands they both liked. The next session, he had brought her a c.d. he'd burned the night before of bands she liked. The light turned green and she started driving again. Blair saw a small grocery store and pulled into the parking lot. She reached behind her for a duffel bag to find the locker. She opened the locker and rifled around in it for a bit. She pulled out the journal and the c.d. Jason made her. She started the car, put in the c.d., and pulled out of the parking lot. She was then on the highway. After she realized she was stuck in traffic, she pulled out the journal. She flipped it to the first page and started to read.

�����������

����������� Today I moved in with my uncle and my aunt after my other uncle's death. I'm going to think about this as a happy time, not a tragic one. Today I start over. Fresh and new. This is my life and I'm going to make everything better. This time is about me. Even though this is a new school, I am going to try and make new friends. I am also on a different medication so that's a good thing. My room is too small. I can't fit half my stuff in here! At least I still have my stereo with the killer sound system. I realized yesterday that no matter how bad things get, I always have music. It always helps with whatever I'm going through.

A horn honked behind Blair and she snapped back to reality. She put the journal down and sped up to catch up with the other cars. Traffic was moving a lot better by now.� She was listening to the first song on the c.d. Jason had made her. She laughed at this because it brought back another memory.

She was listening to the c.d. on her Discman before a session. She was singing along loudly and out of tune to the song. That's when Mrs. Moure tapped her on the shoulder. She took out her headphones and looked at her strangely. She then heard Jason laughing behind her. She turned around to see him collapsed on the floor in laughter.

Blair smiled and continued driving. Her cell phone then started to ring. She picked it up.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Blair! Honey, do you know who this is?"

"Yes. Hi Mother."

"Blair, I was just calling to tell you how proud we are of you."

"What? Proud of me?"

"Yes! Proud of you! Your father and I are so happy that you decided to go off on your own! We called the school for you already so don't worry."

"Wait…how long did you tell them I was going to be gone?"

"I told them you were dropping out. Do you know when you're going to be back home?"

"No…No I don't. I'm guessing a long time. Maybe forever. I don't know," A car blared the horn behind Blair again. "Look, Mother, I have to go. Bye." She finished and hung up the phone. She sped up again and kept driving. She then decided to call Mrs. Moure. When she called however, Mrs. Moure wasn't home so she left a message.

"Hey Mrs. Moure!� It's me, Blair! You'll never guess what I'm doing, where I'm going, and who's with me! Call me on my cell phone when you get this! Talk to you later!" She smiled and hung up.

Blair drove for a long time before she got hungry. She pulled into a parking lot of a fast food restaurant and got out of the car. She brought the journal with her and walked in. After she ordered, paid, and got her food, she found a quiet table in the corner and read while she ate.

My brother, Lukas, got the bigger room I think. It's honestly not fair. He's younger than me! I should get the bigger room! It doesn't bother me that much I guess. The thing that does bother me is school. I'm going to miss all of my friends back in my old school. It really bugs me. I wish I were back in Washington instead of here in Chicago. All of my favorite things are in Washington! My aunt tells me that I'll find similar things in Chicago but I know I won't. There are no Washington pizzas in Chicago. All imitators but never the real deal. I should try and be optimistic about this whole change though. Who knows? I might like a Chicago pizza better then a Washington pizza. I'm just hoping that I can find a few guys who know how to play instruments so I can get started on a band. Also, I hope I can find a cute girl who'll actually go out with me. Well, my aunt says I have to get to bed so I'll write more later on.

Blair closed the journal and cleaned up her mess. She threw out her garbage and went back to the car. She got in started the car up. She really didn't know where she was going but decided just to take life by surprise. When she was on the highway again her cell phone rang again. She picked it up to hear Mrs. Moure's worried voice on the other end.

�������������� "Blair Way Hardrum! What were you thinking? Where are you?"

��������������� "Whoa, okay, calm down. I'm just fine. I'm going on a little road trip that's all. I decided it would help me get over the past if I went out on my own for a bit.� I have Jason's journal here with me so whenever I get lonely or bored or whatever I'll read one entry. I have a mixed c.d. he burned me as well to listen to. I'm fine."

����������������� "How did you get a car? Do you have everything you need? Clothes, food, money?"

���������������� "I, let's say, 'borrowed' a car from my Mother. Yea I have everything I need. I have two duffel bags full of clothes, I just ate, and I got loads of money from my Father. Like I said before, I'm fine."

��������������� "Where are you though?"

������������� "Hold on, there's a sign up ahead…okay in, like, one hundred thirty-three kilometers I'll be in Wilmette."

������������� "Blair. Be careful. I hope you do whatever you set out to do. Have fun as well."

���������� "Of course I will! And if I never need anything I'll call you."

��������������� "Talk to you later Blair. Take care"

����������� "Talk to you then and you too." Blair replied and hung up the phone. A really sad and slow song came on the c.d. and she put her finger on the 'next' button. She almost pushed it but something told her not to. She lowered her finger and put it back on the steering wheel. A tear slid down her cheek as the lyrics filled her soul with sorrow. Thirty seconds later she was full on crying as well as singing along.

������������� A few hours later, the sun started to set. Blair found another restaurant and picked up dinner. She then tried to find a hotel. After half an hour of searching, she found a cheap hotel and parked the car. She went in the hotel and checked in for the night. She went quickly outside and opened up her car doors. She took out one duffel bag and put it in the trunk. She grabbed the other one and shut and locked the car doors again. Blair came back in the hotel and went up the elevator to her room. She changed into her pajamas and went straight to bed.��������




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