If I thought yesterday was exhausting, then today is overly exhausting. At lunch I kept getting these weird glances from Zaq but I pretended not to notice. The more I talk to him the more I like him, but the more I'm frightened by him.
Today was an easy day for the most part. I handed in all the papers that needed to be signed by our parents and I just spaced out until I heard the bell ring. The first couple of days of school are the easiest. The teacher just introduces themselves, spends most of the class period trying to match the name with the face and then with the remaining class time they give us a brief summery of the year. It's easy enough but I don't pay attention. I'm off in my own world thinking about things. Things I would usually never even think about on a regular basis. Like for example, Chase . . . Chase is sweet and nice but something is telling me he isn't all that sweet. I ignored that feeling and I'm starting to like that kid.
As the days go by, I'm talking to him more and more. The more I talk to him the more that feeling grows and the more I regret it. It's not just Chase, its Zaq too. I'm getting attached to the both of them and alarm bells are going off in my brain telling me that I'm doing everything wrong.
It's November now. I've left three months slip away. Three months wasted. I've spent those three months talking to Zaq and Chase and Amber. I've told them most of the things about me. They're like my best friends now.
I can trust Amber. There's nothing about her that ticks me off. She has gained my trust completely. I'm pretty sure that she trusts me too. I mean I think of her like family. We can talk in Spanish and no one else will understand us. It's a great plus to having Hispanic friends.
"Hey, can I tell you something?" Brooke asked me. I totally forgot I was walking
home with her. I was in my own little world. I do that a lot when I'm walking and it's completely silent except for the wind in the trees.
"Sure," I smiled and took a deep breath.
"I have a crush on Chase," She said. For some reason I felt a pang in my chest.
"You do?" I asked. I mean I don't have feelings for him . . . at least I don't think I do.
She nodded and sighed. We got to her house and we sat on the bench on her porch. The funny thing is . . . they are both so alike I can see them being together, but knowing them both . . . I know it's not going to last long. Brooke is a little picky about who she dates. The boy has to meet certain expectations and if they don't reach them . . . well she breaks up with them before they break up with her. Chase on the other hand . . . he's not picky. He's sweet so he'll be happy with anyone as long as they treat each other right.
"Well that's cute. You know I think he likes you too," I add. Again I felt that pang. It's like a hurt like I'm hurting inside. It's really hard to explain. I shake myself mentally and pay more attention to Brooke.
"Really?" She asked. A huge smile on her lips.
"Yeah, He's always smiling when he's around you and I just notice the way he looks at you," I shrugged and I put on my best smile. From then on the conversations drifted off. They kept changing. We never really have a lasting conversation. One topic always leads to another. Like when we were talking about Chase then we ended up talking about the color blue and then we talked about the moon and somehow the moon led up to World War III. We are always laughing and goofing off. Zaq's usually in his room and he leaves us alone. I'm glad for that. I don't need him to drop in on us when we're having one of our girl talks. That would just be awkward.
At about seven my dad came to pick me up. From the corner of my eye, I saw Zaq looking from the window. It reminded me of those horror films. When the serial killer or ghost or whatever is watching you leave and getting ready to stalk you and kill you or stalk you and haunt you.
That night, I had nightmares about Zaq chasing me with a huge knife through the woods and then a random robot rainbow unicorn came to my rescue and took me away while it shit out rainbows. It took me to the land of PINK. Everywhere and everything was pink. It's my worst nightmare. Worst of all, clowns were roaming around. The clowns were extremely creepy looking. With the grey-white face and the red-grey mouth with the worn out polka dot uniforms and the big red shoes.
* * *
I stayed after school today. I didn't want to go home and I decided to do my homework in the commons. When I was going to my locker, I stopped at the sight of Zaq and Chase. They were having an intense conversation by the seriousness of their faces.
"We have to do it soon," I heard Zaq whisper.
"I know! I can't do this anymore. She's my friend. Today," Chase whispered back.
"No, not today, she'll expect it. Give it some time." Then the conversation stopped and I ran the other way and into the 200 wing. I put my stuff down and I started to pace. That conversation is a huge lead into my suspicion.
My heart dropped into my stomach as I realized what had just been said. My friends are out to kill someone.
I have a feeling that that someone is me.