April 1, 2011
Today us homeschoolers had an April Fool's day party. Yeah, it sounds weird, but we don't really see each other that often so we come up with excuses to have parties and hang out. No one came up with any good jokes, but that's okay. I wasn't really paying that much attention to the others, except for Justin. Since the Burtons have a big house, the party was there. Justin showed me up to his room. It's really big, and he has some movie posters on his walls. He kind of kicked some of his laundry under his bed and turned red when we walked in. He plunked down on his bed and told me he had something to tell me. He gestured that I should sit down next to him. I stared into those deep green eyes.
"You can tell me," I said.
"I know," he muttered, "but I don't know if I should."
"Why not?" I inquired.
"I don't want to scare you away."
"That would take a lot to do." I gave him a quick smile, my heart pounding relentlessly in my chest.
"Alright, you promise you won't run and hide?"
He took a moment to gaze into my eyes. He looked nervous, scared and a lot younger. He brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes and leaned towards me.
"I like you, a lot." He whispered.
My veins were blazing with fire, and I knew I loved him, too. Without a second thought, I hugged him as tightly as I could, so happy that I finally found someone who felt the way I did. We just sat there for a few perfect moments, before his mom came up. That's when it got kind of awkward. We headed downstairs after that confrontation, and rejoined the party, but we kept to ourselves.
Joe, I can't believe it. I found him! He loves me! It's the best feeling of my life, and it would be perfect, except I can't shake the feeling that I'm unfaithful to Jake, that I'm cheating on Jake. I know it's stupid, because I was never "with" Jake, but I still feel that way. I can't help my emotions. I hate myself for it, but I still love Jake. Why? I wish I knew. Augh, I wish my emotions were clearer.
On that note,