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The Prince and the Damsel

Novel By: indiefreak
Other


Mina Langley is wrecking her own life. She ignored her father, her mother, her step-mother, her health, her spirituality, her appearance, everything.

Alone and unwanted, she finds comfort in the company of a mysterious boy famous for his gentle manners and pretty face.

Soon after, she realizes that Jet is more than just a pretty boy...

my first try on stories like this... need lots of help for lots of improvement... any kind of comments are welcomed...read on and tell me what you think View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5

Submitted: Jul 12, 2008    Reads: 263    Comments: 41    Likes: 11   


Mina Langley awoke to the sound of the birds chirping by the window. She groggily sat on her bed, searched for the alarm clock, and found it by the floor beside the bed.
9 am.
A lazy groan escaped from her mouth as she lied back on the comforting bed. It was too early. Usually she wouldn’t get up until it was twelve at noon, which by then would had her father storming into the room and lecturing her about being a decent girl. Mina was not interested being a decent girl. It never helped.
‘Mina!’ A shrill voice sounded from the kitchen. Mina frowned. It was Juliet, her step-mom. Looked like a perfect step-mother on the outside, but for Mina, she was a disguised witch. ‘Get your lazy butt down here now before I make you come down!’
Mina rolled her eyes and buried her head under a pillow, hoping to drown the witch’s voice.
‘MINA!’
‘Fine!’ Mina called out angrily. ‘Jeez...’ she climbed out from her bed, did a simple stretching exercise, went out from the room and walked her way slothfully to the kitchen.
‘Finally’ said Juliet, thrusting her hands on the air. She was wearing yellow gloves, and a pink flowery apron. Mina could see she was tired, a little agitated, from the way her brunette hair was tied into a messy bun with some strands falling over her pretty face, and from the way her brows knitted. It seemed that Juliet had done some house-cleaning; it was her daily routine.
‘Is it too hard for you to just get up earlier and do some chores around here?’ Juliet hissed. Ok, Mina thought, she’s pissed. ‘You’re sixteen years old; do I have to keep calling you every morning?’
Mina said nothing. She just gave a shrug. She knew doing so would make Juliet angrier but she didn’t care much. Sure enough, Juliet’s lips tightened. Before she could say anything, the phone rang. Juliet glared at Mina for a few more seconds before grabbing the cordless phone lying on the kitchen table.
‘Langley’s res- oh- hello dea- what- Mina?’ Juliet suppressed a sigh. ‘Your- dad’ she said stiffly, handing Mina the phone. Mina snatched it from her hand.
‘What?’ Mina said.
‘You failed your examination again’ her father’s voice was a collection of anger, stress, dejected and resignation. This was not the first time Mina received a call from her father’s work concerning her result. Every time her result came out, he was always informed by the teachers instead by Mina.
‘So?’ Mina said indifferently, casting a glance to Juliet, who was still glowering at her direction with her jaw tightened.
‘Mina-’ her father struggled for words, ‘you’re not putting any efforts on your study. What are you planning to do? Destroy your future?’
Again, it was the same, dull how-you’re-going-to-survive-without-education lecture.
‘I don’t have time for this...’ Mina said, yawning.
‘Mina, for once, will you listen?’ Her father sounded desperate. There was silence before Mina heard a heavy sigh. ‘We’ll talk about this at home...’
Mina placed the phone on the table. Her father was going to rush back home to talk about this matter face to face; it was something Mina loathed a lot. She took her steps out from the kitchen.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Juliet demanded, placing her hands on her hip.
‘Out’ said Mina. Ignoring Juliet’s protest she went to her room. Grabbing any black shirts from the floor, and a pair of pants in the closet, she slid into them and went to examine her appearance at the mirror. Black tousled hair, restless eyes, and pallid expression. She realized she was far from attractive, a complete non-de-script, yet she cared not.
Juliet was knocking on her door furiously.
‘MINA! YOU COME OUT THIS INSTANCE!’
Before Juliet could barge in, Mina took her escape through the window. She had many experience of climbing down from the second floor, so she managed to get on the ground unharmed and without breaking a sweat.
‘YOUR FATHER IS NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS!’ Juliet screamed. She was poking her head out the window and was pointing at her. Mina prodded her tongue at her, provoking her anger on purpose. Juliet looked like she was about to jump from the window and unto Mina, but of course, she didn’t.
Their neighbours merely watched. Thing like this was not unusual. Everyday there would be screaming and shouting inside the Langley house. Mina walked down the pavement casually, waving to the elders and greeting them while they shook their heads disapprovingly.
The girl’s mad, they thought. Mina laughed to herself when a lady shouted to her; ‘Aren’t you ashamed with yourself?’
Mrs. Marshall was one of the mothers who fear having Mina as a neighbour for she was a bad influence on their little girls.
Mina was wild, uncontrolled, and free. They had no bounds on her, she had no obligations to follow what they thought was good to her. She didn’t give a damn of what they were saying about her. To hell with them all.
Upon reaching a small, blue house, where a cat and a dog were playing by the green lawn, Mina saw Grandma Coco knitting as usual. This old woman didn’t care about her or the world either. In fact, nothing seemed to be on her mind except for her knitting. Mina secretly like her quiet attitude.
Unlike the others, Grandma Coco was far from being critical. So she stopped and observed the way Grandma Coco’s house stood humbly among the others; there was a small garden, flowers and butterflies, old wood and creaking stairs, happy barking and meowing. Grandma Coco took no notice of her as she knitted a sweater with her wobbly old hands.
Mina looked up to the dark windows. She squinted; someone was staring down at her. She didn’t get a clear view of that person. Whoever that person was, he or she had moved away from the window, leaving Mina wondering. They said Grandma Coco lived all by herself. So, who was looking down at her just now?
Thinking she was being ridiculous for taking an interest in what’s going on inside Grandma Coco’s house when she should be away before her father returned, Mina chuckled to herself. She walked away from the neighbourhood. Maybe she would spend some nights in Hendry’s place; just to be away from her annoying father and step-mommy.


11

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Comments:

Aha, I immediately like the first two paragraphs...reading on...(in the air..)...Oh, this is good! You're well written, nice job;)

Let me know when more is up,

~rain

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

ok:D thanks Rain:)

Hey Luna, i honestly liked the theme and the TITLE is also awesome...

I really loved the flow of the story and I am going to read all the chapters...just keep me informed...okay honey??

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

sure i will:D thanks Pratibha

i love it and it is an exalent start :] update soon plez

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

i will:) and thanks Rat

Loved it
Awesome start
:]

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks AllyDee:)

great start.

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks:)

this has a flawless flow! its very ...... *scratches head while findin the words* hey i'm speechless! Gr8! I gave it a I LIKE IT! vote thingy :D

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

lol:D thanks Rose. you make me smile:)

I love it.Keep me post it.

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

i will:) thanks Raya

wow i really love your writing can't wait to read more =]

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

lol:D thanks Rafael

I like it, it's very good. Write more. =]

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

i will:D thanks Kyoshi

this is a really good start. let me know when the next chapters up. =)

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

ok:) thanks Invisiblexme

KEWL :) I Wanna See Where This Goes

Plez Tell Me Wen Yhuu Update :)

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

ok:D thanks Twilights

This is a really good start. :) Let me know when more's up!

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

ok, i will. thanks Angela:)

One thing. when someone is talking you used 'this' but it's supposed to be "this"; the double quotation marks. a few grammer errors but a great start i might read more if i have the time, this sounds interesting! :) keep me updated k?

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Steph. i'll deal with the grammar errors later. oh, the double quotation... actually, i did it on purpose(i used one quotation mark only). i don't know how to explain it yet, but i will tell you about it some other times:)

Great start! I can't wait until the next chapter is posted!

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

lol:D thanks Flying Piggy

awesome, i loved it! my favorite word was 'slothfully' i love it!!! that is so me right there lol. anyways yesh i agree with all the people it is great and i really wanna c wear it goes. u could turn it into a ghost story thing....like she could have one of the old souls in her thats y shes restless and she can see other souls or it could be a murder story.... SORRY! they were just ideas that popped into my head lol hee yea ignore that lol like i said loved it lol

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

whoa...ghost stories are really my thing. but let's see how this one turns out. nice ideas too. i'll see what i can do with 'em:) thanks Pheonix

I loved it. Keep me posted, okay.

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

i will. thanks ShadowyNightmare:)

Great start, i'll be interested to read more! A few grammar & spelling errors, but other than that nicely written. :)

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Britishchippie:D i'll deal with the grammar and spelling errors later:)

Geee...now I know why u asked me abt pretty boy....But, this good sis, keep up....eventhough I'm busy, I'll try 2 cacth up rading ur novel!
Luv u!

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

hahahaha!!!! yep, and you've been a great help:) you better read this novel! or else...

nice start.. Mina character is a spoilt brat ;P Inform me when you update it!!

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Mina is indeed spoilt:D i will tell you. thanks Klep

You made a good start. ^^

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Jadey:D

This is a really nice beginning. You have a fascinating writing style! I can't wait to see where this goes!!

-SnowQueen

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks SnowQueen:D i love your comment(and the rest of the comments here)

Well written! I hope to see the next parts soon!

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Chibi! i'm working on chap two:)

whitehart
(not registered user)

An awesome beginning, can't wait to read more and see what else Mina will be up too...and of course if the step mother will lose her voice one of these fine days :) Lovely

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

we'll see if the step-mom lose her voice, but i doubt she will cause her voice is kinda an important element in Mina's life:) thanks Whitehart

pretty wicked! tell me when you post more! I'll tell you about camp on your booksie page!
Happy days!

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

i will and thanks Wandiola:)

ooohh,holy cricket,,i cant wait for the next one! its still the first chapter, and its great!.makes me get curious at the person staring at her from the window..lol, keep me posted!.=]

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

lol! who- or what- was that staring down at her?:D i'll tell you when the next chap is finished:) thanks Phyllz

I'm intrigued! Can't wait to see the second chapter!

Posted: Jul 17, 2008

Author Comment:

intrigued:D such nice feeling:) thanks UncommonCold

really nice. I started a Juliet story too lolz. nothing like this

Posted: Jul 19, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Kirsten:) Juliet's too good to inspire me in shaping Mina's personality...lol!!

I LIKE IT WRITE MORE PLZZZZZ

Posted: Jul 19, 2008

Author Comment:

next chap will be up soon:) thanks Isabelle

hi! if. u r a diehard romantic at heart. i'm sure, later u'll bring up something intense to mina and jet. what's next. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jul 22, 2008

Author Comment:

lol!! i'm not sure if i'm a diehard romantic at heart... maybe you can teach me a thing or two about it:) let's see what's gonna happen between jet and mina:)

Great job! U got to tell me when u write more!!!

Posted: Jul 22, 2008

Author Comment:

ok i will:) working on chappy two at the moment

I really like this. Mina bad ass attitude inspires me. The story really flows too.

Please come and read my story (loving a tortured soul ) I think you would like it I would love if you gave me some feedback and tell me how you like it .

Posted: Aug 9, 2008

Author Comment:

wow...:D i didn't expect badass Mina to be inspirational... thanks and i will sooner or later:)

Good one. This novel is going to be good, I think. Very well-written. A few suggestions though:

"Mira secretly like her quiet attitude."
Shouldn't this be,
"Mira secretly liked her quiet attitude." ?
If you are writing 'like' instead of 'liked', it makes it look like it's being written in a presesnt tense, while it clearly isn't.

Nitpicks aside, this is a great start to a novel.

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

oh yeah:D forgot to change that. sorry... i made lots of grammatical mistakes...:P thanks for pointing it out, Jack

That was really good. :] A great first chapter. =D

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Ashen:)

I liked it and how it flowed nicely.

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Elenamiria:)

I read this again since i had lost touch...I loved the way u have described MINA and I am sure it was tough on ur part since u urself are so different from her...and it was easy for me to accept and understand MINA since my sister was like her....too much load on tiny shoulders...lovely flow...going to chapter 2....

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

yes it was hard... but i used to be like her in my younger, angsty years... thanks Pratibha:)

Hey indie :) I really liked the dialogue here. It was very realistic and the characters were awesome! I look forward to reading more! Take care, Regan

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Regan:) i'm particularly very weak in communication. glad the dialogue worked:)

Intersting! The very title is so romantic... Your self destrucive protagonist is very much like real depressed teens who alienate themselves from the world and do not want to accept the harsh realities of life.

It is great to know that the self absorbed girl is going to touch the alchemy of love in the next chapters... Very realistic on the whole.

I liked it a lot.

Posted: Aug 21, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Carnation:D she's like that for the time being. her real side is gonna be revealed soon:) until then, bear with me...

Wow.....I liked it alot it was great!

Posted: Sep 1, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Moonie:D

CONGRATULATIONS AND CELEBRATIONS...

U KNOW WHAT BEING ON HOME PAGE MEANS...

'WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH"....SOOOO...........MUCH....WAY TO GO....NO LOOKING BACK....

I LOVE YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU...

CONGRATS ONCE AGAIN....LUNA....HERE IS A BIG HUG FOR YOU....

Posted: Sep 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Pratibha;) i never expected i'd made it to the front page too, even if it was only for a short while...lol!! thanks a lot Pratibha, lots of flying kisses to you:) muahhh...

Captivated already... Off to the next chapters...

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks:)

You write wonderfully well. A great story well told.

Posted: Oct 2, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Shaggy:) i'm trying to improve my writing too



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