
Random First Lines: Real World Small steps to a gateway Into a garden of laughter and love Where sounds of lavenders blue and... : Poetry » Read
Mina Langley is wrecking her own life. She ignored her father, her mother, her step-mother, her health, her spirituality, her appearance, everything.
Alone and unwanted, she finds comfort in the company of a mysterious boy famous for his gentle manners and pretty face.
Soon after, she realizes that Jet is more than just a pretty boy...
my first try on stories like this... need lots of help for lots of improvement... any kind of comments are welcomed...read on and tell me what you think
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Submitted: Jul 12, 2008 Reads: 263 Comments: 41 Likes: 11
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Aha, I immediately like the first two paragraphs...reading on...(in the air..)...Oh, this is good! You're well written, nice job;)
Let me know when more is up,
~rain
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
Hey Luna, i honestly liked the theme and the TITLE is also awesome...
I really loved the flow of the story and I am going to read all the chapters...just keep me informed...okay honey??
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
i love it and it is an exalent start :] update soon plez
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
Loved it
Awesome start
:]
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
great start.
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
this has a flawless flow! its very ...... *scratches head while findin the words* hey i'm speechless! Gr8! I gave it a I LIKE IT! vote thingy :D
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
I love it.Keep me post it.
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
wow i really love your writing can't wait to read more =]
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
I like it, it's very good. Write more. =]
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
this is a really good start. let me know when the next chapters up. =)
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
KEWL :) I Wanna See Where This Goes
Plez Tell Me Wen Yhuu Update :)
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
This is a really good start. :) Let me know when more's up!
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
One thing. when someone is talking you used 'this' but it's supposed to be "this"; the double quotation marks. a few grammer errors but a great start i might read more if i have the time, this sounds interesting! :) keep me updated k?
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
Great start! I can't wait until the next chapter is posted!
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
awesome, i loved it! my favorite word was 'slothfully' i love it!!! that is so me right there lol. anyways yesh i agree with all the people it is great and i really wanna c wear it goes. u could turn it into a ghost story thing....like she could have one of the old souls in her thats y shes restless and she can see other souls or it could be a murder story.... SORRY! they were just ideas that popped into my head lol hee yea ignore that lol like i said loved it lol
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
I loved it. Keep me posted, okay.
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
Great start, i'll be interested to read more! A few grammar & spelling errors, but other than that nicely written. :)
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
Geee...now I know why u asked me abt pretty boy....But, this good sis, keep up....eventhough I'm busy, I'll try 2 cacth up rading ur novel!
Luv u!
Posted: Jul 13, 2008
nice start.. Mina character is a spoilt brat ;P Inform me when you update it!!
Posted: Jul 14, 2008
You made a good start. ^^
Posted: Jul 14, 2008
This is a really nice beginning. You have a fascinating writing style! I can't wait to see where this goes!!
-SnowQueen
Posted: Jul 14, 2008
Well written! I hope to see the next parts soon!
Posted: Jul 14, 2008
An awesome beginning, can't wait to read more and see what else Mina will be up too...and of course if the step mother will lose her voice one of these fine days :) Lovely
Posted: Jul 15, 2008
pretty wicked! tell me when you post more! I'll tell you about camp on your booksie page!
Happy days!
Posted: Jul 15, 2008
ooohh,holy cricket,,i cant wait for the next one! its still the first chapter, and its great!.makes me get curious at the person staring at her from the window..lol, keep me posted!.=]
Posted: Jul 16, 2008
I'm intrigued! Can't wait to see the second chapter!
Posted: Jul 17, 2008
really nice. I started a Juliet story too lolz. nothing like this
Posted: Jul 19, 2008
I LIKE IT WRITE MORE PLZZZZZ
Posted: Jul 19, 2008
hi! if. u r a diehard romantic at heart. i'm sure, later u'll bring up something intense to mina and jet. what's next. lol. ;-)
Posted: Jul 22, 2008
Great job! U got to tell me when u write more!!!
Posted: Jul 22, 2008
I really like this. Mina bad ass attitude inspires me. The story really flows too.
Please come and read my story (loving a tortured soul ) I think you would like it I would love if you gave me some feedback and tell me how you like it .
Posted: Aug 9, 2008
Good one. This novel is going to be good, I think. Very well-written. A few suggestions though:
"Mira secretly like her quiet attitude."
Shouldn't this be,
"Mira secretly liked her quiet attitude." ?
If you are writing 'like' instead of 'liked', it makes it look like it's being written in a presesnt tense, while it clearly isn't.
Nitpicks aside, this is a great start to a novel.
Posted: Aug 20, 2008
That was really good. :] A great first chapter. =D
Posted: Aug 20, 2008
I liked it and how it flowed nicely.
Posted: Aug 20, 2008
I read this again since i had lost touch...I loved the way u have described MINA and I am sure it was tough on ur part since u urself are so different from her...and it was easy for me to accept and understand MINA since my sister was like her....too much load on tiny shoulders...lovely flow...going to chapter 2....
Posted: Aug 20, 2008
Hey indie :) I really liked the dialogue here. It was very realistic and the characters were awesome! I look forward to reading more! Take care, Regan
Posted: Aug 20, 2008
Intersting! The very title is so romantic... Your self destrucive protagonist is very much like real depressed teens who alienate themselves from the world and do not want to accept the harsh realities of life.
It is great to know that the self absorbed girl is going to touch the alchemy of love in the next chapters... Very realistic on the whole.
I liked it a lot.
Posted: Aug 21, 2008
Wow.....I liked it alot it was great!
Posted: Sep 1, 2008
CONGRATULATIONS AND CELEBRATIONS...
U KNOW WHAT BEING ON HOME PAGE MEANS...
'WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH"....SOOOO...........MUCH....WAY TO GO....NO LOOKING BACK....
I LOVE YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU...
CONGRATS ONCE AGAIN....LUNA....HERE IS A BIG HUG FOR YOU....
Posted: Sep 1, 2008
Captivated already... Off to the next chapters...
Posted: Sep 10, 2008
You write wonderfully well. A great story well told.
Posted: Oct 2, 2008
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